face the strain

I want you to stop what you’re doing;
swallow a thousand knives and choke
on the blood that coagulates and rises
from your lungs as you struggle to
b r e a t h e.

I want the world to turn around and
stare at your corpse as you struggle
for life and air - as your nerves force
you to move and your heart restricts
everything.

( and then I want you to know
that this is how I feel. )

I cut myself on mirror shards
when I can’t look at my reflection
and I feel so gutter-ugly and dead
inside whenever you speak/listen to
me.

(do you know why - do you
finally understand?)

before you finally give up struggling
(because I know you’re weak inside
and now you’re dying, just like me).
I want you to see the snake that
coils around my throat and chokes
me silentlysilently - biding its time.

I want you to know a thousand things
- a thousand words and memories &
a thousand years of burning anger that
you have made me feel. and I want to
taint your skin and make you vomit and
crawl and beg for redemption--

( from the god that you can so blindly dismiss. )

and finally, I want you to take your last
breath and die by the roadside. I want and
I don’t want a million different things; but
before you go - I want you to know that :
‘I hate you.’

and-

I hope Hell makes you suffer;
because even that is more than
what you deserve.

author's notes : this girl wanted helen to apologize for something and so helen did (but she was forced) and then like. helen got a black eye (even if it was accidental) from her mum because her mum found out what had been going on. SO. KATIE. I FUCKING HATE YOU AND I HOPE YOU DIE FOR WHAT YOU PUT US ALL THROUGH, YOU FUCKING COW.