Out of the Sidelines
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Chapter Four
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Invented destinies of a torturous mind
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“The climb can kill you long before the fall”
-Dashboard Confessional

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To say that Nathaniel’s parents were mad would have been an understatement. They were furious. Apparently Mrs. Hawk had tried to contact Nate around three o’clock, but as he didn’t have a mobile he had called Sid instead. Sid that was fooling around with Karen had told Helen that Nate wasn’t with him but that she should tried Connor’s number. After hundred of attempts without an answer, she had given up in calling. As expected the worried parents were going on an on about possible (horrible) assumptions of why Nate hadn’t go to sleep. While Helen kept insisting that he had been kidnapped and maybe killed Oliver claimed that he was just attending his “male-needs”. One theory or the other at nine o’clock they were about to call the police when a door was slammed shut and Nate scurried into the house appearing like a living death taken out from the most terrifying Stephan King’s book.

He waved indifferently acknowledging his parents and proceeded to open the fridge to take out whatever product that could calm his headache, all he found instead was his dad’s hand closing it violently.

“And where, young man, have had you been?”

Here it goes…just let it be quick I really need to lay down on something soft.

“I went to Card’s party last night and-“

“Who’s Card?”

“Connor McNeil”

“Who?” his father asked again. He wasn’t even able to distinguish his friends, just Sid and Sid only.

“Oh a very nice kid, always smiling and asking if he could be of any help” Her mom informed him. Nate rolled his eyes, it was clear that Card’s charms also worked with his friend’s moms. They all adored him.

“I don’t care who he is” Oliver cut her off rudely “what I care about is why my son didn’t sleep on his bed”

“Sorry I fell asleep and I was in no condition of driving”

“You should have called a cab!” He hit his fist against the table.

“I hum… I was in no condi-“

Not waiting for him to finish, he said “Yeah I get it last night you were in no condition to do anything other than act like a moron.”

“Oliver!” His mother scolded.

”You stay out of this”

“He is my son too I have as much right to question him as you do!”

“The only right you have is to keep quiet!”

“Once you are done with your machismo complexes I would start listening to you”

And so it started again, a minute the attention was focus on Nate and the other they were ripping at each other’s throats like they always did. Nate sighed; he would have rather much preferred that his dad started screaming at him instead of taking it all out his mother. He rubbed his temples. He couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t know how but in an instant he was standing in front of them and yelled at the top of his lungs “STOP!” and it worked. For a minute the two of them stopped their quarrel and turned to look at their son amazed.

“Just… stop” it sounded like a request even if it was a plea, but there was not much different between both petitions. The first one was an insinuation the second a hope.

Now that he had their full attention he continued “Dad, you don’t have to take on mom the curse of my actions, it was my fault and just mine. Mom I appreciate that you try to defend me, but dad is right I was just a moron last night, I should have called. Truth is I was in another dimension last night and it didn’t cross my mind exactly how desperate you were”

“Yeah you were irresponsible, childish and selfish but that doesn’t give your dad the right to insult you” her mom interfered.

”Mom just cut it out please”

“I have to point out when my son is wrong seeing as you are incapable of doing that, along with everything else of importance.”

Nathaniel closed his eyes and clasped his hands together and put it under his chin as if praying. There was no use in trying to solve their stupid fights, no matter how many times he did it, they would always manage to materialize fights out of the thin air where they usually rested. So he shook his head and began to walk away from the screams.

“And where do you think you are going?” his dad, of course.

He shrugged his shoulders and answered “Upstairs seeing as I’m not the one you are fighting anymore”

“Oh please” Oliver spat out “Sit down that I’m not done”

Nathaniel didn’t move “Could have fooled me”

“I said sit down” his dad repeated through clench teeth.

”And I said no” Nate replied.

“Fine you want to be that way, then you would have to start to pay for you actions.” He threatened.

“Fine” was all he said.

“You are grounded until school starts again”

“Oliver don’t you think that’s a bit drastic?” Helen said a little puzzled for her husband’s actions.

“He wants to act like a rebel, then he would be treated like one” he voiced out firmly.

“But you can’t do that! I’ve just got out of school! I still have a month an a half to go. You can’t ground me like that” he complaint, this time really worried about the whole argument.

“I think I just did. And not only that, you will help your mom in the domestic works on the weekends and you would help me in work without getting paid, do I make myself clear?”

Nate clenched his fists at his sides, glared at him while he nodded his head; he had long forgotten everything about his headache and finally spoke up “Yes sir. May I go to my room now?”

Oliver sat on the kitchen table “Yes, you may go”

With this words voiced out, Nate turned around and started walking towards his room and suddenly he turned around and added “And this is exactly why I avoid sleeping in this house” after that he turned around once more and this time he didn’t look back.

Oliver slammed his fist against the table before he swallowed a glass of water. Helen was watching him from the corner intently. “You didn’t have to be that hard on him you know”

He ruffled his dark hair out of his forehead. Even in his forties he was still an attractive man although Helen couldn’t tell anymore. What once was love had turned into affection that with the years was transformed as tolerance, and now it wasn’t even respect. His coal colored eyes turned to glance at his wife, she looked tired and sick of everything that was going on around her.

“Yes I had, he needs to learn from his mistakes”

She snorted “You call that learning? You could have sent him to live in a ranch and he would have learnt better.”

“So what are you trying to tell me, that I don’t know how to teach my own son how to grow up?”

She nodded her head in agreement “Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“What can you know? Do you think life is going to be always easy? Do you think once he is out of High School and ventures to live outside his encapsulated world there would be no dangers and disappointments waiting for him? Don’t you see that we are not going to be always there to protect him? He would have to step out to the shadows eventually, and when he does he is going to learn that life is not only what he had known this past eighteen years. I’m just trying to prepare him for the terrible things of this world.” He finished flustered.

“Protecting? You call that protecting? My God Oliver, must you be so pessimistic? You’re right, out there there’s going to be shadows and it may not be easy but it’s a lesson he has to learn on his own.”

“Don’t you understand? People can be so cruel, life brutally unfair and scars dangerously deep.”

“Life is not all about downfalls!” she interrupted frenetically.

“But it’s full of them”

Helen moistened her lips “Just because he is your son it doesn’t means he is destined to live your life”

For a minute Oliver couldn’t speak or move. He was trapped inside his own mind; he was prisoner of his memories once more. He was hostage of his past and all of it was mocking him.

“I’m going to inform him that the punishment’s off.”

This seemed to snap Oliver back to reality “You are not doing such thing”

She sighed frustrated “For God sakes, it’s stupid and inhuman, even you know I’m right on this one Oliver!”

“Nathaniel has to learn that every act has a consequence, and I would rather that he learns that from someone who loves him other than someone who doesn’t”

Helen shook his head in disagreement and walked up to the key hanger to grab her car keys “Whatever Oliver, you don’t want me to remove his punishment that’s fine, but I would not take part on this and I would inform him of that, and in this you are not going to persuade me otherwise” He didn’t know why these words wounded his heart. He didn’t want his son to hate him but he wanted less to see him get hurt.

He thought about running upstairs and tell his son how much he loved him, how proud he made him, how had the punishment had been absurd and he was just overreacting. For a moment he considered the fact of knocking on his door to tell him to forget everything he had said as he embraced him closed to his chest.

He pushed his thoughts away. Nate was smart but he wasn’t ready to build strategies capable of shattering the pain. He was brave but he wasn’t ready to fight. He was strong but not enough to endure the fucked-up world treacheries.

He sighed sadly It’s the only way, if this is going to give him the weapons he needs to beat the future, then so be it, even if he hates me for it. One day he’d thank me, one day he’d understand that I did all of this for him, that it was my gift to him. As he dwelled on this thoughts he wondered why there was this throbbing sensation of his heart that kept questioning his motives, and he couldn’t get free of the reminiscing feeling that he had done wrong.

“Oliver?” Helen’s voice snapped him out of his trance.

“What?” he asked annoyed.

“I said that if you are going out too don’t forget to lock the door”

Before Oliver could say anything else Helen disappeared through the front door and once again everything became silent. He raised his hands to cover his ears, he couldn’t stand the silence, he dreaded it because it was only silence that was capable of waking the memories he had buried long ago. He had to get out of his mind, he had to break the silence. A haunting scream escaped from his lips before he knelt on the kitchen floor and was able to do what he hadn’t manage in years; he shed a tear.