By: QDT & co.

Written after we were finished with statewide testing and before time was up.

ABBIE: Okay. So I would pass this via Kristen, if she’d hurry up and FINISH!

DEVIN: Yeah. She’s s-l-o-o-o-o-w. She can join in when she’s done I guess. Here’s a quote for you:
Guys can’t be snippy. We’re physiologically incapable of snippiness.
-Brody, Angels Fall

break where they permit us to mingle in the hallways, possibly because we’d rebel against authority if they locked us in classrooms all day

ABBIE: Question: What does NCIS stand for, anyway? They don’t actually mention that on the show and I’ve forgotten.

DEVIN: Navy Criminal Investigation Services, I believe. And it’s a great show, isn’t it? Even without Kate.

KRISTEN: Hey. Just because I’m an AWESOME, ELOQUENT essay writer who should be worshipped by all far and wide doesn’t mean that I have to write quickly. -- Don’t make fun of meeee! Oh man, about this NCIS thing, I really wish I knew what you were talking about.

ABBIE: It’s a television show Devin and Christine watch, which they have talked me into watching as well. And I was totally going to say I don’t know anyone (aside from myself, of course) that you could write about for the entire time. Since I now know you DID write about me, that is okay, and you are forgiven for taking so long.

DEVIN: No, you’re not. Abbie’s just really arrogant. Losers.

KRISTEN: Your mom’s a loser! And your mom’s arrogant! grrrrrAHrrrrrAHRR! Pelvis. Abbie wants pelvises to run free and happy in their native habitat.

ABBIE: Their native habitat is in our bodies, genius. And I am not arrogant. I am acutely aware of exactly how amazing I am. Your mother’s sister’s second cousin’s brother’s stepfather’s dog’s former owner’s sister’s third cousin twice removed’s college roommate’s granddaughter’s brother’s mother’s sister is arrogant. And you know what? She’s more arrogant than you could ever arro with your gant. Or your mom’s gant.

DEVIN: My mom doesn’t have a gant. -silence- What’s a gant? Kristen! ’Llo. Band till midnight Saturday ― fun, huh? X.X

KRISTEN: This Saturday or last Saturday? GAWD help us if it’s this Saturday! Oh yeah! Well, your second cousin’s stepfather’s brother-in-law’s niece’s nephew’s no good, dirty rotten, pig stealing great great grandfather’s1 granduncle’s first crush’s sister’s worst enemy’s favorite comic book hero’s creator’s inspirational person’s best friend’s gay uncle in jail is ARROing your GANT right now! With considerable pleasure, I might add. So watch yourself, Super-Abbie. Your gant is being arroed as we speak! Write, actually, but who cares?

ABBIE: I care. That’s kind of insulting. I never implied that someone else was arroing your gant. That hurts. That hurts right here. puts both hands on heart and falls to floor dramatically Well, I am ARROing your GANT, and I am a hell of a lot scarier than some random person’s gay uncle in jail.

DEVIN: SEBASTIAN the Pink Monkey is ARROing Kristen’s GANT. SMELLY 3’s you!2

KRISTEN: No one’s scarier than you Abbie. Especially that abnormally malformed growth you’ve got on your neck. What’s it called again? Your “head,” is it? Right, mm. Hooray for gay uncles in jail!

ABBIE: Scary head, my arse. I assure you that I am quite intimidating. CANADA2 the butterfly is also ARROing Kristen’s GANT. What say you now, huh? Also, gay uncles in jail are just amusing.

DEVIN: Yes, I could see CANADA doing that. After all, she is the A’mazing CANADA. Tres a’s. Coolio. PEZ!3 SMELLY is a PEZ!

KRISTEN: Ta mère is a PEZ! SMELLY est un poisson. Doi. The scary man on the cieling is ARROing Abbie’s GANT and he’s less scary than her head and her arse put together. Oh, what now, bruja! cough Un oncle homosexuel duns le prison! Ah ha ha! Also the monkey was in the lake4… help us.

ABBIE: Abbie is wondering what the hell a cieling is and what sort of scary man is on it. The guy on the ceiling5 is just weird. (I before E except after C.)

1The no good, dirty rotten, pig stealing great great grandfather is in reference Louis Sachar’s book Holes.

2Referring to random things in the classroom. A piñata fish hanging from the ceiling we christened SMELLY, a pink monkey on the wall is called SEBASTIAN, and a paper butterfly also hanging from the ceiling we named CANADA.

3Pez is Spanish for fish.

4On a poster there were pieces of velcro and velcro animals to go on them. Devin put the monkey in the water instead of the fish, and so there was a monkey in the lake.

5On the ceiling, there is a burgundy sheet with a picture of a man’s face painted on it. It said something in Spanish, but I’m not in a level that advanced yet, and could not tell you what it means.

NOTE: Arroing your gant has no meaning. It is, as you have probably guessed, derived from the word arrogant. Also, I am sorry the footnotes are not in superscript, but it's not my fault, as FictionPress does not, apparently, accept that.

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