DEMON-O’S

“Now with Omega-3! It's good for your heart!”

Cereal 4000: THE CHAPTER THAT EXPLODED!--

By Bleu Ciel’s crazy dark nemesis, Leic uelB

I—+—I

POINTLESS WARNING: This chapter of Demon-O’s is SO EPIC, reading this chapter might consume you for the rest of life and consider that no other series exists but this and might send you to a never-ending spiral of grief when they tell you that they WON’T be making a ‘Demon-O’s: The Movie,’ hereby making you lock yourself in your room, singing whiny baby songs until your funny pet cow realizes that cupcakes are delicious.

If you have a weakness for the most epic moments of your life, KEEP READING. Please keep in mind that if you do get a heart attack while reading this, your funny pet cow will not pay for you cab fare and will actually cheat you by going through unnecessary freeways and ‘no parking’ zones and show YOUR license when he is caught by a policeman. Also, he is your rival clone from another planet. YOU HAVE BEEN USELESSLY WARNED!

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Daichi: “Hi, this is Daichi Nori, the heroic awesome handsome protagonist of Demon-O’s.”

Twikee: “Heehee! This is Twikee, his adorable little widdle sidekick!”

(cue your collective ‘aaawww’ giggles)

Daichi: “AAAAANYWAY… You’re probably wondering why this chapter is numbered as 4000.”

Twikee: “Of course they are! They’re really smart!”

Daichi: “Yes, our readers ARE smart and loveable… except for the dumb ones. ANYWAY, the contents of the supposedly Chapter Three were SOOO AWESOME, that it literally

DESTROYED THE UNIVERSE!!

Daichi: “Well actually, it just destroyed the page where Chapter Three was supposed to be.”

Twikee: “Not only that, silly, but it also kwupped ALL following chapters up to 3,999!”

Daichi: “PLEASE stop using made-up cute words, Twikee… But what he said is true. We are now at Chapter 4000, the CLIMAX of the story of Demon-O’s!”

Twikee: “Now Daichi’s fighting the Final Totem!”

Daichi: “And while I was explaining this to you, I already defeated it!”

Twikee: “Hooray, the stories over!”

Daichi: “Well, sorry for wasting your time, suckers!-- I mean, everybody!”

I—+—I

Author’s Note: I’m seriously sorry you had to read through that part above, but what you have just read is a lie from my evil twin from the Planet Liarinyourface. Now please continue to read the REAL story. Which is actually a recap of Chapter Three… IN STEREO!

Sorry, but our translators broken. Planet Liarinyourface makes really crappy translators.

I—+—I

Daichi: “Twikee, moeten wij de kwade dreiging van bij verslaan!”

Twikee: “Twup! La menace mauvaise a défait!”

Hunny the Bee: “Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!”

Daichi: “Hunny, Ihre Herrschaft der schlecht übersetzten Fehlermeldung wird besiegt! Nehmen Sie dieses!

Hunny the Bee: ¡“Nunca! Puedo hablar español!”

Daichi: “Che cosa? Noooo! Non posso fare quello! Posso dire soltanto le parole casuali e dire l'assurdità!”

Twikee: “Então você deve comer o PODER de DERROTA ESPECIAL!”

Daichi: “「当然! それはである英語!”

Hunny the Bee: “Lo siento, yo no puedo hablar inglés!”

Daichi: “Super! SECRET AWESOME CHALLENGE IS BADLY ENGLISH TRANSLATION!”

Hunny the Bee: “Arggh!”

Whoops, okay the translators working now. Seriously, stupid Planet Liarinyourface…

I—+—I

Hunny the murderous bee is down, defeated by badly translated English. With his defeat, there were several pop-culture references made, but we didn’t bother translating those because they were outdated and you probably don’t care anyway.

With its defeat (once again, if you weren't paying attention), a new sparkling Cereal Token is revealed.

--ITEM GET! --

YOU GOT: Cereal Token x1

ITEM SPECIFICS: “Hunny, the delicious bee of MURDER” – Flavored O-Class bee demon from Hell (maybe), possessing one tail. Sealed inside the seal-eal box “Honey and Butts.” Has the power to speak Spanish. This is his battle cry: “… … …” And if you were listening closely enough, you could actually hear his bee buzzing noises. In Spanish.

--ITEM GOT! --

“Yes, I got teh another one!” Daichi exclaimed. “With this new Cereal Token, I FORGE MY DESTINY!”

“Calm down, silly nilly, it’s just a Token” Twikee giggled.

But to his utter and complete somewhat original surprise, his spoon suddenly glowed a strange glow-y light. “Wait, Twikee, what’s going on!?”

“Your Sealant weapon, kwup… It’s SILLY-VOLVING!”

“Silly… volving!? Is that like evolution?”

“Yes, twup,” Twikee giggled. “Except it’s slightly sillier.”

The giant plastic spoon was bathed in a grand glow of dazzling light and sound like a cheesy 60’s pop music video. The glow was so bright, it lit the whole world with the light of the heavens, brighter and brighter, lighting the universe brighter than the sun could ever dream to be!

And then it stopped, revealing the efforts of the wondrous effects of ‘Silly-volving’…

“It’s… a bigger plastic spoon?” Daichi wondered. “Wait, that’s it? I have a bigger spoon now? Doesn’t it, you know… change color? Become made of mythril or gold, metal, or even wax? It’s just… BIGGER NOW?!”

But to his once again surprise, Twikee himself glowed an all-powerful glow. I’m not retyping how powerful the glow was, but it was pretty darn bright.

Once the brightness had died down, Twikee received instead of just having his previous two cute little bunny ears, is now a proud owner of SIX cute little bunny ears. And instead of his previous cute little pig tail, he now had 3 giant fluffy bunny tails. And last but not the least, instead of being just adorable, Twikee is also now SEVEN MILLION times as adorable as before. With warranty! (warranty may or may not be subjected to expiration after 3 years of adorable. some restrictions apply)

“I’ve Silly-Volved too, twup!”

“Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey!” Daichi exclaimed. “You got a cool new adorable form and I just got a bigger spoon!? What the heck is with this!? I was beatin’ up the Totems! I want more cooler weapons, darn it!”

As Daichi released his inner frustration of being unable to be as cool or as cute as Twikee is, two previously mysterious figures in the background witnessed the whole thing with concern.

“It’s… It’s Daichi! Daichi Nori from my class,” Ms. Minchin said with utter surprise.

“It is HIM… He is the one who also possesses the power of the Cereal-Killer,” the ominous shadow figure beside her commented.

“I… I can’t believe it,” Ms. Minchin pondered. “To think that this child from my class…”

“More importantly,” the shadow interrupted. “Did you see that? He defeated the Level One Totem with a Level Zero Sealant Weapon… and during his Silly-Volution, his weapon didn’t change form – it merely became a bigger Level Zero weapon!”

“Hmmm… What do you think could be the reason for this?”

“My only guess – his power is being suppressed by an outside force. A force so powerful it can warp space and time around itself.”

“I see,” Ms. Minchin said, crossing her arms and looking at Twikee in the distance. “What about his Guardian?”

“Unknown,” the shadow confirmed. “I’ve never even seen a Totem like it before, but whatever it is, it has already received a third tail, and-- Wait!”

“What? What is it?”

“… Sniff sniff… Two High-Class Totems are approaching! It’s… A Level-Four and a Level-Three Totem!”

“Two!?” Ms. Minchin alerted. “What!? Why are they here!?”

“They are attracted to the scent of the new Sealant… and the force swirling around him.”

“But that means—“ The teacher looked to Daichi, who was oblivious to the new threat. “Daichi, he’s in danger! We have to defeat them before they sense him again!”

“I realize you want to save him, but that is why we must not,” disagreed the shadow being. “If we use even the slightest of our power, it will attract every Totem for several kilometers wide, putting him and the whole school full of humans in even more danger.”

“B-But--! My student’s in danger!”

“Worry not,” the shadow replied with a hidden smile. “I’m sure this will be entertaining.”

“Daichi Daichi Daichi, two Totems are approaching!” Twikee suddenly exclaimed, only now alerted to the presence.

“What? Two more? But… I’m hungry!” Daichi complained, his stomach growling.

Unknown to him, the growling of his stomach was so infinite that it actually broke the barrier between space, time, and smell (no foolin') and caused a chain-reaction matter in the sub-atomic particle dimension rift collision divider, breaking all laws of particle disruption wavelengths by a surplex, causing a hyper-ressonant collision particle emission from various space-time immaterialization reality compression pulse phase!

Yeah, I pulled that out of nowhere. He was attacked though.

And thus... BATTLE MUSIC!!

Tugu-dang-dugundang-dugudug-tanguuuuwarnn-shrwaaaang-shrtrong-scroppraang-rwanawr-crshwaaaawwww-crawshrawhs! Tugugudaaaaangrasahshkdahhsdhhawwahawhhaasdhahw!! (repeat until blue)

While I imagine you actually trying to figure out what the above sounds like, the roof above Daichi suddenly collapsed and two powerful looking Totems arrived on the scene, ready to kick some ass!

Narrator: Am I allowed to write 'ass' in this story with this rating? I guess so, I mean... kids say it all the time... I'm sure that 'fart' joke I did earlier was okay too...

On one side, the four-legged Four-Tailed beast of all sugar, was the legendary Lenny the Liger (indisputable brother of other cereals such as Tony the Pony, Tony the Tamaraw, Tony the Truck, and Benny the Bureaucrat). Lenny is the Totem mascot of the original “Roasted Flakes” cereal, infamous for its roasted sugar bits covered in more sugar, sending kids who take its sugary sweetness to the Roasted Flames of Hell.

The other, was none other than the equally famous Three-Tailed Totem Toucan Turtle, whose mascot joke name makes absolutely no sense since it is only a toucan and not really a turtle. The Totem mascot of the fruity cereal “Foot Loops,” this cereal is infamous for being healthy and, at the same time, delicious – a sin all by itself, because good food aren’t meant to be healthy EVER. Or be shaped like feet.

Now, these two cereal mascots surrounded Daichi and his rumbling tummy (and Twikee, it was there too in case you forgot), smacking their lips to turn the weak and defenseless student into an ironic breakfast of their own.

“Daichi Daichi! Quick, we have to get away or else you’ll get twupped!” Twikee panicked adorably.

“Well, if you’ll LENNY a hand so TOUCAN help me get out of here!”

…Silence

More akward silence

Oh, and Toucan Turtle exploded.

“Wow, Daichi,” Twikee hoorayed, looking at the flying Totem’s exploding non-existent internal organs. “You killed a Totem with one of your near-death puns.”

“Thank you,” Daichi bowed. “It’s a gift… though I do lose more friends this way.”

However, the other Totem was still alive, and a Level-Four Totem nonetheless, spouting the power of four long Totem beast tails. Still, Daichi was no longer in pain. In fact, he was ready… and he was ready to be awesome.

Daichi stood up, facing his open straight to the face. Daichi stood still, legs straight, shoulders high, moving his neck scarf to his mouth with a declaration.

“Morning, Afternoon, and Night,” he exclaimed, gathering energy from the cosmos as he stretched his arms straight apart, away from each other on each side, legs spread apart strong, forming a star with the silhouette of his body. “It is not with courage, nor determination, nor optimism that gives us the strength to get us through the day!”

“It is with BREAKFAST!” he declared, summoning his one and only Sealant weapon from the infinite ether and into his hand, glowing bright and eternal with the power of his passion. “And it is with breakfast that we also end it! With the power of the Sun, the Moon, the Planets, and the Stars… I too declare this to you! “

“I am Daichi Nori, He Who Protects All Things Artificial and Divine! He who defeats evil that dares to defile his breakfast – Daichi the Cereal-Killer!” Daichi shouts to the top of his voice. “With the power of my will, my soul, of all that I believe in, with all the strength of the universe and the friendships forged within, I gather strength in hand and fight for what I believe in!”

“Come, to he who stands in the full light of the Heavens, who opens the gates Divine, who starts his day with a body ignited, with soul aflame, whose heart burns red with passion, to unleash all to protect that which I want to protect the most!”

Daichi posed, his glowing Sealant weapon, the plastic spoon filled with a passion burning a heart of red, glowing ember, he stood mightily against his foe.

“Because all things begin and end with life! And life is breakfast! Because breakfast is love! And love… IS ALL!!”

With one final charge, Daichi's own power sends a firey spiral of energy across the galaxy, unleashing all and quaking everything in its wake, burning the planet Earth into flames, gathering all forms of life’s energy into his hand, sending all their souls into the tip of his plastic armament.

And in that one colossal downward smash, he breaks the Earth, annihilating half its mass and sending its spiraling wave of energy into the eternal black cosmos, igniting the heavens and the stars with the firey heart of his love for breakfast.

His power was in fact, so awesome, that his literally Earth-shattering attack quaked the existence of life itself, reversing reality and revealing the Truth of Life, polarizing all that exists and unlocking potential in all evolutionary things.

A move so powerful, so awesomely epic, it reversed the flows of existence, making his planet-destroying move like it never actually happened.

"Holy fried shrimp paste in a barbeque canoe of a spring lawn thermidore," the overly gasped homeroom teacher exclaimed, surprised at the sight that which she just saw. "Did you see that!?"

"Uh, no," her shadow replied. "It never happened. But from what I vaguely remember, it was pretty awesome."

"Yes, it was powerful indeed... if it actually happened," Ms. Minchin thought to herself. "How was Daichi able to unleash such power!?"

"I cannot understand it myself," the shadow replied, looking to Daichi who was doing a victory pose at the moment. "But it seems that his power was indeed so great it seemed to have scared Totems in the general area. He will not be attacked by Totems for a while."

"Wow... That's oddly convenient," Ms. Minchin thought. "Still... It looks like we'll be forced to face him in the future after all. I'm just glad he'll be able to protect himself from now on."

"It is your stereotypical destiny to fight him," the shadow commented. "Soon, you and I will face your own student and that adorable sidekick of his. After having seen his epicness, are you worried?"

"Worried?" the teacher smirked, a smile gathering across her face. "About what? I don't see any need to... After all..."

"...I have a Level One-Million Totem on my side."

To be continued... unless Daichi blows up the world again

I—+—I

NEXT CHAPTER: Our writer has no ideas for our next chapter again and it eventually drove him freakin' insane, so he was forcefully--I mean, convinced to enter a correctional facility for crazy fruitcakes who make pointless 'Next Chapter' teasers. In the meantime, his evil twin "Leic uelB" from the Planet Liarinyourface takes over his identity. How does he continue with our stupid story? With AN AWFUL FILLER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

But it's cool, because dancing bears are involved.

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WHAT YOU, THE READER, HAVE LEARNED ABOUT THIS STORY

1. That whoever made it deserves to make the next Smurfs cartoon

2. And that he is crazy

3. That all things come at a price, and that the price is usually never equal to what the thing is actually worth

4. The above is true when I bought the imaginary island of Sploonia, and it cost me Six Million Imaginary Dollars instead of Six Million Imaginary Yen

5. That breakfast is the most important meal in a day

6. That breakfast is the most important. Period.

7. That breakfast can change the world

8. That breakfast must be handled with responsibility, and never be used for the power of evil

9. That bad puns CAN kill people

10. That anyone, regardless of age or knowledge, can make a bad pun

11. That whoever invented puns in the first place should be ashamed of themselves

12. That friendship is the second most powerful force in the world

13. The first being breakfast

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Now, for some random words:

Pork asparagus lamppost wharf needle compression involuntary indisputable comprehension conference bill resource spasms mountain hydrant face gas pending quarter tiolet airduct credit special spork definitive quantity.

Thank you.