The Day We Came Back: An Epilogue

For Aisling and Ryre, who deserve this far more than we ever will.

I didn’t choose the day with care, I probably should have. I didn’t make preparations or plan or anything. I woke up one morning, the golden dawn light of early morning in GateWay shining through the gap in the curtains and just knew that today was the day and I had to go back. Kieran was warm against my back. I got up stealthily, washed, dressed and kissed his sleeping face. There was message enough in that contact, he would know where I’d gone, know where I was. He would find me and hopefully his timing would be right.

Perhaps a year after I had vanished I set about getting my earth-life sorted. I went back to the house in Ringmer where I had spent the latter half of my childhood and almost all my teenage years to find my room exactly as I left it, but much cleaner. I took all my paperwork, passport, NI card, student ID, my incomplete driving license. I wasn’t sure then what I was really going to do. I stood there, looked around and couldn’t decide what to take. So I took nothing, I left everything where it was. It’s surprising how much of your former self you can choose to live without. Shamani sorted the paperwork, I still don’t know how. He got everything changed, and I became a real person again. I learnt to drive, took my CBT, my full bike licence and by the time I was twenty was the proud owner of a bright red Suzuki Bandit. I bought a flat around the corner from Shamani’s, just a place to have my post go, a garage to park my bike. Money comes from somewhere. I still craft silver things, only these days it’s power of mind, not heat and physical exertion that shape the liquid silver. I paint, Shamani got me in with this art dealer in London, My paintings aren’t either fantastic or popular, but they are incredibly expensive. One a year affords me enough to live, especially when my flat incurs no bills, since I don’t live there.

How many years on earth has it been since I last travelled these streets, a scruffy haughty teenager. I drive through Seaford, faces flashing through my memory. It is not them that I have come to save. I no longer ride the Suzuki, the beast below me is almost totally custom, built upon a Kawasaki shell. My bike, the bike of my dreams, blood red and black, MARS written along the side. Matching leathers and helmet, my name down the side of my leg like a racer. MARS growls under me like a beast, like Kieran and I smile. At traffic lights I stop, lean back a moment and kiss the finger of my left gauntlet. Below the leather and gore-tex is a silver ring, a weird shaped slip of a thing given to me along with a kiss I wanted more than almost anything. This is my proof, with this I shall regain her smile. We twist and turn through the town, and finally I dip down behind the gorse edged road and swerve around the corner. It looks like it always did. I have no idea if they still live here. I am running on hope alone. I kill the engine and swing off the bike, propping him onto the side stand. The house with the creepy garden furniture is still adorned with gnomes. I try to take it as a good sign as I strip off my helmet and run my fingers nervously through my hair. It’s gotten very long now. I check my face in the reflection of my visor, chain the bike and walk up to the front door. The bell chimes solemnly within.

Bobby answers. She is the nicest and most accepting old woman in the world and I adore her.

“Yes?” He eyes track across my leathers, my face. I don’t know if I see recognition in my eyes.

“I’m looking for Lou,” I say, my voice shakes and I halve to put a hand against the brick wall to steady myself, I feel like I’m floating and it is not pleasant.

“I’ll get her,” she steps away from the door, closing it a little, “ Louise! There’s a man her to see you.”

A man? I always think of myself as a boy, it’s always what Kieran calls me. I suppose, what with the height and wide shoulders, I don’t know if I look much older though. The ghost shape of wolf-Ryre clatters down the stairs, followed my lightly thudding feet and the slim figure of Aisling. She has grown up, more curvy, and very beautiful with her gold-brown hair in a strange seventies spiky mullet, like something out of that era with glitter on her cheeks. She sees me and frowns. I know she recognises me, we’ve run into each other before, on street corners and in shops; times when I wasn’t ready to share who I was.

Bobby steps back and she approaches, followed by the curious form of Ryre who is growing more substantial as I watch him. How clearly can she see him these days? Have they gained the clarity that Kieran and I have? Somehow I don’t think so. There are too unaware of each others small movements, things that I would notice in Kieran. The flipping of an ear, the twitch and rise in haunches. Which of them will realize who I am first?

Aisling’s grandmother returns to whatever she was doing before, no doubt keeping an ear on us in the open doorway. I look at her, my green eyes open and honest.

“Ais…”

She looks suspiciously at me, steps through the doorway and pulls it too behind her. She sees the motorcycle, and I hope she recognises it, at least in name. Something from my fiction. I half turn and she sees the word down the side of my leg.

“Who are you?” the question quiet, as if she already knows the answer, I hope that there is a hint of hopefulness in her voice. As though she wants the fact confirmed. I tug off my glove and slip off the little silver ring, carved into the back are her initials, hers and Ryre’s. Daring, I put a hand on her shoulder and lean down to give her the same kiss she gave me with that ring. Soft and fast with a slightly open mouth. Back then I thought it taunting, now I simply think of it as her.

“Becca gave you that,” I say, gesturing to the ring, “Along with your first kiss.” She stares at me, dumbstruck, I continue, talking too fast, partly to cover my embarrassment at kissing her, “Your grandmother’s name is Bobby, your mother is constantly making tea, which is the only reason I drink it. The letters on your fridge inspired a character we role-played together. Ryre is your other and he has two forms, the wilder one he is wearing now. Clef and Access got married and have been on honeymoon ever since-”

She puts a finger on my lips.

“Stop, wow, not so much,” Her eyes are wide, the pupils huge in amazement, “It really is you isn’t it?”

“It is.”

“And is he as true as you are?”

“Oh yes.”

“Oh Silvan!” she throws her arms around me and I envelope her in a strong hug. Her hair against my cheek is soft and warm, just like her body in my arms and I am so glad I came back for her. She steps back from me and then slaps my face. My eyes sting, she’s just as fierce and strong as always. “You bastard! How could you go and leave us like that?”

“I’m sorry Ais,” I bow my head and hold my cheek, “How long have I been gone?”

“Four years,” she sighs, her eyes full of pain and hate and love, “Four long years.” She hands the ring back to me, “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do.”

We go for a walk in the park, me wishing I had something else to wear other than heavy bike leathers. I walk with the jacket slung over a shoulder and I catch Aisling's side long glance at me in my tight white t-shirt. I grin and cock an eyebrow at her. Aisling gives me a wry smile.

“It’s just what you always wanted isn’t it?”

I can’t help it, I run my hands down my chest, smooth hard muscle and rib. Aisling touches my collar bone.

“Yeah,” I say, “It really is.”

“Looks good on you.”

“Thanks.”

“So explain to me what happened all those years ago.”

“Feels like yesterday,” I say, staring at the sky. True I have become used to my body, used to my new gait, the way I work. Used to training, fighting, turning and hunting. I have not become used to the splendour of GateWay or the miracle of the blades. I have not become accustom to Kieran’s forceful presence in my life. He may be everything to me, but every experience is new and strange and exciting. In the best way I can I relate all of this to Aisling, my words halting and slow. My fluidity has deserted me.

“Where is Sil?” Like our strange Rathamos, Ais too has the ability to distinguish us by the same name.

“He slept in this morning,” and as though hearing my words I feel him wrap around me, his real body moving through The Way to be beside me here where I need him most. I lean into his embrace as we sit on the grass, “He’s decided to join us.” Kieran reaches out and brushes his fingers along Aisling’s jaw, she shivers as though struck by sudden cold and I put out my hand to touch her face, Kieran mirroring my movements. He eyes go wide and suddenly very clear, as though she is seeing the world for the first time. She is seeing the world for the first time, in all its insurmountable beauty. She looks at Kieran, at him not through him and gasps. And as Kieran becomes clear to her, Ryre, the wolf who is not, becomes clear to all of us all. The four of us sitting in a rough circle on the grass in a little non-descript park in Peacehaven.

The world became a blur, as of us crying and laughing and delighted and scared all at once. Ryre and Aisling, together at last, Kieran and I knowing we’d given them that gift. Hugs all round mind touches like burning fire and spark plugs. Ryre and I sharing a scrap of wolvern tongue which isn’t either of our first languages. He and Ais lost in each other’s eyes, that obsession Kier and I had shared in those first days and every day since.

No not everyone can see him, just those you and he choose to. Yes it is real, yes it will last when we are gone. Imploring eyes then, questions and worries. They want to know why we are leaving. I get up, followed to my feet by Kieran, then Aisling and then Ryre who shifts before us into the form of a beautiful boy. Kieran lends him his long coat without a word as Ryre suddenly shivers without fur.

Don’t go. He implores us.

We have to, Kieran’s mental voice is like a caress.

Silvan! Aisling looks at me, easy in her mind speak already, but which took me days to learn

I’ll come back this time, I hold her close to me, I promise. GateWay’s doors are always open to you both.

I smile for her, kiss the ring she gave me and touch Ryre’s shoulder gently. Then Kieran wraps an arm around me and we leave them standing in the park, watching us go from the world. Whispers on the wind and I smile at my mate who is my lover, myself and my greatest ally.

Did we do the right thing?

Kieran looks at me with summer blue eyes.

Love, you know we did. Come now, there is a whole day ahead of us and I don’t intend to spend it fully dressed.

I chuckle.

You never do.