I took a Newport out of its pack and stuck it between my lips. I looked over at Jake, his long bangs falling in front of his face. His one visible eye looked out into the distance, and he placed his hands on the steering wheel.

“Are we really going to do this?” he asked, not even looking at me. I shrugged, and stuck my hand out, waiting for a lighter. He automatically pulled one out of his front pocket and shoved it into my hand. My fingers balled into a fist around it.

“We can’t stay. If we want to be together, we can’t stay.” I sighed, brushing my own bangs out of my face. I watched him enviously. Of course I loved him, but how could anyone be so perfect?

His eyes were sad and his face looked worn. I could practically see his feelings radiating off him. He was confused, tired, and giving up. I wanted so badly to stroke his face, tell him everything would be okay. But I couldn’t lie to him. I could never lie to him.

He finally turned to face me. I pushed his black bangs out of his face and looked him in the eye. God, he’s so perfect. He stared at me through piercing green eyes, his mouth twisted into an expression of sadness and pain. Just looking at it physically hurt me.

“I…I don’t know if I can…” he muttered finally. I finally tore myself away, and put my feet up on the dash. I could feel him watching me. I didn’t want to look back at him. I didn’t want him to see the hurt. I studied my Converses, picking at a stray thread.

I would do anything for him. Give up my life, my family, my world. All for him. I thought he felt the same way. And the fact that he didn’t…it really hurt. More than I thought it would. I tried not to get my hopes up too high. I knew that this would be a possibility.

“So...does that mean we’re…breaking up?” I asked finally, concentrating even harder on my shoes. His hand slipped over mine, calming the fidgeting in my hands. I so badly just wanted him to start up the car and go. I just wanted to leave this town and be with him forever.

“I…” he sighed, not knowing how to continue. I waited, each second making me more and more anxious. Each moment my heart being ripped in two. I ached for his answer… He shook his head and lit his cigarette. Somehow, at this moment, nothing seemed more important than his electric-purple lighter and the cigarette between his lips.

He slowly laced his fingers in mine and took a drag off his cigarette. He tapped the ash out the window and took a few calming breaths before looking at me again. I couldn’t help but to look back at him. He watched me, pieces of his bangs slowly falling back over his eye. I forced a smile and pushed them away. He snubbed out his cigarette, leaned in slowly and kissed me. I didn’t know if it was for goodbye or reassurance, all I knew was that I didn’t want it to ever end.

So much held in that kiss. Our feelings, the rejection from parents, the support from friends. The word; that one that set us out from everyone else. The one that made us different; unnatural. Gay.

Just because we weren’t heterosexual, did that make our love any less real? This was more real than anything I’d ever felt. Did we choose to be this way? Hell no. Is it a disease? Of course not. Is it worth it? It’s worth more than my life.

He finally pulled away, and with new confidence in his eyes, he grinned. It was that smirk I loved. He caressed my face gently and then put the keys in the ignition. The engine roared to life, and he stole one last glance at me before confirming everything with two words.

“Let’s go.”