Chapter 3.

Mum stops the car at the curb and I get out, taking my bag which holds a towel, sunscreen and a sandwich. I unclip my board from the roof, blow mum a kiss and walk down the sandy stairs to the beach. I dump my bag and set up, waxing my board and then attaching the leggie. As I walk down to the water I notice I'm one of the first people on the beach. My watch reads 6am. I grin and run into the waves, paddling out to the break.

Harsh salty mist sprays my face as I sit on my board. It's now 9am, and I've been charging nonstop for 3 hours. I can feel the sunburn stinging my cheeks, my gunky hair sticking to my neck, my legs covered in goosebumps. I love it. It's fresh… I feel clean and revived. This is what I live for… what keeps me going. I don't need to worry about having food in my teeth… whether I've got a huge zit on my nose, what the other kids think of me… because when I surf, I can shine. In a few months there's a local boardriders competition and I'm entering. The local surf instructor says I have “a raw talent he hasn't seen for years.” A set rolls in and I paddle into the perfect position. I dig deep with my fingers until I feel the push of the wave behind me and I spring up. It's a beautiful wave, a great left, and I run my fingers along the glassy wall of water before doing a few little runs down the face. I power up and do a nice cuttie before skimming over the top of the wave and jumping off my board. A nice ride… I can't help but laugh out loud.

Hours later, after a great sandie and some bloody good waves, I contemplate going in. It's almost 4. A couple more, I decide. It's been a good day… but I can't stop thinking about Lauren. I really want to text her or something… perhaps I'm just being selfish. I'm not her only friend, after all. I mean, she can have a life that doesn't involve me… I'm just so not used to it. I used to be all she had, and now it's like she doesn't even need me. And then I realize, I need to be needed. It's like that song, “I want you to want me… I need you to need me. I'd love you to love me.” It's all about me being dependant on her… because I need somebody to depend on me. It's time to go home, so I stroll up the beach and pack up my stuff. School tomorrow.

“I wonder if anybody could tell me how Frankie was feeling at that exact moment?” a few hands raise. We've been reading Saving Francesca, by Melina Marchetta, and now is our weekly discussion time.
“Well… I guess she probably didn't really know what to do…” one hopeful suggests. Mr Allen nods, then shakes his head.
“I think there's more to it than that.” nobody puts up their hand. I know how she felt.
“Mr Allen, she felt alone. At first she was angry with her Stella friends and then her Sebastian's friends got angry with her and now she has nobody. She misses her mum and she cries constantly. She… she can't shake herself out of the blue.” I look down at my shaking hand and quickly rest my other over it. Nobody sees and I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Well done Sophie. Excellent interpretation, I'm sure Marchetta couldn't have done a better job.” My friends roll their eyes. I see them exchange grins and then the bell rings, Mr Allen tells us to pack up, and the classroom is empty.

I follow my friends down to the benches where we sit down and start eating our lunch. Somebody starts up a conversation about how much they miss Zoe and soon everyone is deeply involved in the discussion. I stay silent for a while because I miss Zoe more than anyone. Even though she never knew how I felt, I thought she was the greatest girl I'd ever met. She had these cute little freckles, a button nose and a really cool boy's haircut. She was like a little pixie. She had confided in me about an old secret she couldn't shake, and it stunned me to learn that this beautiful, happy, insanely passionate girl could hide such a terrible thing. We were never best friends, no, but in my eyes she was a hero. She was good at everything she tried, she knew how to put a smile on our faces and there was nothing bad to say about her. She was the sweetest, funniest, silliest girl ever. I just wish we could have been closer… like best friends. I need a best friend. She left at the end of last year to pursue her swimming dream and I haven't heard from her since then.

“OH FUCK!” Lulu and Lucy jump to their feet.
“Litter duty!” Lucy smacks her head and they bolt off to the front office together. We laugh because they always forget when they're on duty and they always get so worked up about it. Several other kids from our year are trudging towards the office as well, which makes me think it's a team-duty day. Usually litter duty is reserved for the naughty kids, but often they have team-duty days where people from the same team are rostered to clean up the yard.
“Soph, what the hell was with your answer in English?”
“Yeah, have you like finished the book already?” I blush and nod. I hate it when I get attention like this. It's so embarrassing.
“You freak Sophie!”
“Oh, ha ha, and what about the other day when she started singing in French?” The group bursts into laughter and I turn a deeper shade of red. I was listening to music with my headphones on and sort of had a daydream. My favourite song came on and I started singing along absent-mindedly. It was almost a minute before I realized the whole class was laughing at me.
“She went bright red! You should have seen it, it was SO funny!”
“Yeah, and the teacher even laughed at her too!”
“Idiot Sophie! JEEEEZ! What kind of moron are you?” somebody throws a leaf at me, I brush it away and stare at the ground.
“Durrrr, I'm Sophie, duurrrrrrr, I'M JUST A POOR BOY, NOBODY LOVES ME!” they all join in with the words from Bohemian Rhapsody, the song in question. Soon the boys are singing along too but they all collapse in laughter and nobody can continue. It seems I'm the only one not laughing. Lucy walks over with her plastic bag and starts picking up the rubbish around the benches. She's sifting through the dirt and pulls out something old and dirty. I look away for a second to check what time it is, and to avoid everybody's eyes.
“Whose is this?” Lucy holds up a dirty wallet with the initials S. P. on it. It takes me a really long minute but then I recognize the wallet from a year ago. The girls scream out loud and then look at me, almost jumping out of their seats in amazement.
“OH MY GOD.”
“OH MY BLOODY GOD AND FUCK!”
“SOPHIE WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD!” I scream out loud and can feel my heart beating at a thousand miles an hour. Somehow I'm standing and I don't remember how I got up, and I can hear everyone yelling around me, but I can't make out any words. Someone presses the wallet into my hand and I open it unsteadily, my hands shaking violently. I cast my eyes over my old ID card, library card, all my old receipts and photos.
“Hey, does that mean you should pay them back?”
“This could be your chance for a reconciliation!” one of the girls crows and they all shout different suggestions. I can't hear them, I don't want to hear them… I can't even hear myself but yet I can hear my heart thumping loudly.
“Is there any money?” one of the boys asks and tries to snatch it out of my hand. I search for the fifty bucks but can't find it, and that's when I feel my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach.
“I don't believe it.” I said quietly. Nobody hears me because they're all recounting the story.

“I don't believe it.” I say again. It dawns on me that Jell and Chell had already stolen my money before they had thrown my wallet away. Then I feel sick as I realize they paid me back fifty dollars exactly (this was only after their parents made them pay me back what was lost.) At the time I thought it was weird they hadn't given me two lots of $25 but now I had grasped the disgusting truth- they had paid back my own money. The money they had stolen from me in the first place. My face suddenly feels very cold and I run into the toilets, my eyes watering. My hands are shaking so hard I drop the wallet onto the floor. I kick it across the room and fall to the ground weeping. The door opens and I hear feet walk into the room. They stop when they see me and all rush to my side.
“Why are you crying Sophie?”
“Soph what's wrong?”
“Shouldn't you be happy you found your wallet?” I burst into a louder fit of tears and hide my head in my knees. I'm too ashamed to let them see me and I don't answer any of them.
“Sophie you can't just sit there crying and not expect us to want to know… tell us!” They don't understand. I can't believe nobody understands.
“I didn't want to see that wallet. What, you think that was a… a fun time for me,” I whisper, “losing my only friends? It's not about the wallet, or the money… it was such a horrible thing… you guys don't understand at all!”
“But Soph look, all it shows is how far you've come from them! You're in a better place now, you don't need to worry about the past.” The bell rings for the end of lunch and a few of them walk away. Only two or so stay by me and pull me up. Nobody hugs me. I almost ask for a hug but bite my lip, terrified of rejection. It's the first time I've ever kept silent, and something has just changed inside me. I've become quiet.