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Emily Laughs
Perfect.
That's what everyone says I am. "Oh, he can do anything he sets his mind to. Alan is the perfect boy."
My cousin hates me for it. I can't say that I blame her.
I try. I try not to be good at everything. But nothing is challenging enough. I'll do something and, once it gets boring, I drop it.
I get so sick of it. That's why my friends are so valuable to me. Generally, they point out the one thing I can't do well – get girls. Or date. Especially him. Brain.
They didn't know about Sasha and me.
He's in college now. Someone told me he's going by Alex now, because that's his name – Alexander. Sasha's just a Russian nickname. He's so quiet, so small, so fragile. So unlike Brian.
I think Sasha fits him better.
He was my stand partner in orchestra. My new one is two year's younger than me. It's not quite the same. He talks far more than Sasha did, for one thing.
"My friend said the funniest thing," he tells me as I sit down.
"Really?"
"Yeah," he says, rosining his bow. "You know, Emily. She said she thought you and Sasha were, you know, together."
I freeze and my mouth goes dry. Were we that obvious? I manage to rasp out, "Why would she think that?"
"I dunno," he shrugs. "She's weird. Though I must admit, she's usually right about these things. I think she's just insane."
I glance back at her. She meets my gaze levelly. I am the one to look away.
It was after the first time Sasha and I made love. Sasha looked up at me and said, "You cried out Brian's name."
I stared down at him. "What?"
"It's okay," he told me in his deep voice, so incongruous with his slim body. "I understand. He's great. And I think you love him."
"No, I – " Then I stopped and thought about it. "You're right."
"I know." He kissed me gently. "I don't mind."
She knows. I can tell.
She hasn't told anyone. I don't know what I'd do if she told him. I can't stand the thought. Oh God. I love him. I love him. If he rejects me –
I open my locker and a slip of paper falls into my hand.
Tell him, it reads.
He's suddenly at my shoulder and asks, "Tell who what?"
He's so different from Sasha. Sasha was so quiet, so delicate, so shy. He's decidedly not any of these things. He's loud, he's strong, he's outgoing, and he is so decidedly masculine. I watch him with all his girlfriends and I feel that burning sensation of jealousy and I can't stand this closeness. I feel like I'm going to choke, I can't breathe, I –
Someone jostles him and his body is pushed into me. Before I can think about my actions, I turn and capture his lips with mine.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Emily walking away. She glances over her shoulder and smiles slightly at me.
I pull away from him. He is staring at me in shock. I turn back to my locker.
"Sorry," I say in a broken voice. "I didn't mean it. Sorry."
He turns and runs away.
"I did what you told me," I hiss at her. "And he ran away."
"No, you didn't. You showed him," she points out. "You didn't tell him."
"But he ran away!"
"He'll come back," she tells me. "Have no fear of that."
"Look, Brian, I'm sorry about the other day," I tell him. "I didn't mean to. I meant to –"
"Al," he says, moving closer than I can handle, "don't speak." My breath is coming harder and my heart is beating so loudly that he must be able to hear it.
"I meant to tell you that I love you," I gasp out. He smiles his half-smile.
"I know," he says. He leans forward. "Emily told me. And I must tell you: the feeling is mutual."
And then I can't speak as his lips descend towards mine. He kisses me hard, pushing me against the locker. People around us are giggling madly, and I hear Emily laugh.