A/N: This is complete nonsense. If you don’t like a story with complete nonsense in it, don’t read and flame me.

Complete Nonsense
By Jane Ellecot

A ninja was flying at high speed through a dense rainforest. Nothing else was around. No birds, no creatures of the forest. “This isn’t good.” He spoke aloud as he noticed these signs and made note of them.

He wasn’t told of his assignment, only that he had to take this person down, whoever he might be. For he was going to steal from a nobleman’s treasury. To make sure that the nobleman was not harmed, the ninja’s boss had gotten him out of his house and sent the ninja after the man who would be committing the crime.

The ninja stopped at a clearing and looked around the base of a tree. There was the house…smoke rose from the chimney and there was a smell that hung in the thick, foggy air. Was that a cake? Or no…cookies? As the ninja tried to pick up the faint scent, the forest began to smell more and more like a bakery.

A light that flickered on inside the house caught the ninja’s attention and he turned back to his mission at hand. There was no time for distractions. There was going to be a crime committed that night and it was up to him and him alone to stop it.

The ninja began his journey again, traveling around the edge of the clearing, just far enough out of sight that if someone looked out of a window they could not see him, but close enough that he could see the house. His full attention was fixated on the house. So much so that when something splashed in a pond behind him he panicked and threw a knife at the sound. When he turned around and looked at what the sound was, he didn’t see anything at first. But then he noticed a beak like a duck’s and a fuzzy head poke itself up out of the water. ‘A platypus…’ The ninja thought, exasperated with himself.

After a moment of a staring contest between the two, the platypus went its separate way and the ninja began his journey again. Finally, when he’d reached the end of the clearing, behind the house, he carefully moved towards it.

At the back door he tried the doorknob. Expecting it to be locked, he was greatly surprised when the door opened easily.

Was this thief expecting him? Or was it an accident? In any case, he had to be stealthy.

The room was well lit with a fire glowing in the fireplace and –sure enough- two pies on the kitchen table. A single rose covered in thorns was placed in a simple vase on the table as well, as if the thief was expecting company.

‘He’s just trying to throw me off! Don’t get tangled up!’ The ninja thought, carefully walking towards a door off to the left of the table. First he listened, and then he swung open the door while drawing his katana from its sheath on his back. The person on the other side of the door did the same.

The two met in a clash of metal, sparks flying all over the room. Over and over again sparks flew and metal clanged as the ninja tried to get an upper hand over the thief. But his opponent was just too good.

“What do you want?” The thief said after a few minutes of battling.

“Don’t play dumb! You know why I’m here!” The ninja said as he swung his katana towards the thief’s head. He ducked though, and stepped a few steps away from the ninja.

He gasped. “You’re after my delicious treat, aren’t you!!”

The ninja, confused, kept trying to reach the other man. “No! You’re the one who’s going to try and steal Nobleman Haiku’s treasure tonight, aren’t you?”

His opponent gasped as if that was the worst thing in the world. “Why would I want to do that? I just want to chew on my favorite thing in the world!”

The ninja stopped then. He lowered his weapon, but still kept it at the ready in case this was a surprise attack.

“What on earth are you babbling about?” He asked, clearly befuddled by the thief’s reactions by now.

“It’s my delicious pink-flavored bubblegum!” He squealed with joy. The ninja’s jaw dropped to the ground. This grown man was in love with…pink bubblegum? “It’s almost like Bubbalicious Burst bubblegum, but it’s even more joyous than that! It’s got everything one would want out of their bubblegum and more!”

“You’re gay, aren’t you?” The ninja asked the man who was now hugging a piece of his bubblegum.

“Nope, just in love!”

“Riiiiiiiight.” The ninja said, disbelieving. “So you’re not going to rob this house?”

The man looked at the ninja now with confusion. “Why would I rob my own house?”

There was an awkward silence for a while. “Sorry, wrong address.” The ninja finally said, just to get away from this queer guy.

“That’s ok! The world needs more people like you!” He said, wrapping his arms around the ninja. Taken by surprise, it was a few moments before the ninja finally recovered from this strange act.

“Please let go of me.” He said and the man immediately let go. “Now, I must be going.” He sheathed his weapon and began to walk away.

“Wait!”

The ninja turned back around only to find something flying at his face. He caught it with cat-like reflexes and looked at it in the palm of his hand. “There! Now you can enjoy its bursting flavor as well!!”

The ninja looked from the gum in his hand to the man and back again. Then he looked back up, gave a nod, and got out of that house as quickly as possible.

Out in the forest again, the ninja unwrapped the gum from its wrapper and popped it in his mouth. “Wow, that IS really good!” He exclaimed as he began to fly through the trees again.