Somebody shoot me. It's been four long months.

What's changed? Everything that doesn't matter. Nothing that I wanted to. Life's funny like that.

Today I found out that I'm not invincible.

Before today, I thought I was amazing, that I could do anything, all because I believed I could.

And then...today happened, and I realized that my dreams were just as flimsy as the dust motes swirling around my piano. I felt like a five year old being told by her hero that Santa didn't exist, and she has no other instinct than to believe that.

Except that I'm fifteen, which makes this all the more humiliating for me.

There's boatloads of stories out there about inspiration teenagers who can, just by their very existance, turn the world upside down (in a good way, of course). They smile charmingly and say their witty comments, and everything turns out just peachy, doesn't it? Oh, but don't forget there's a decent amount of drama/conflict put in there and usually a touch of romance (but neither are overloaded, because then that would remind us too much of real life). Also this revolutionary teen manages to do this all on their own (can you imagine?) with only minimal help from some other minor friend or character.

I admit to being a sucker for these stories.

See, and that's where I think I go completely haywire. It's nice to believe you're Superman for a while, but then you get shot down and unless someone happens to notice and cares enough to help you up, you're stuck in a ditch that you can't get yourself out of.

As you may have already guessed, I got myself into a "ditch" today. In my mind, it was muddy, with ants and a few roadkill scattered about making everything look much more desolate than it really was.

I'm almost out of this miserable pit, thank God. A good night's sleep will probably clense me of my fickle depression.

Meanwhile, I will listen to all the upbeat and fun songs I can find, while trying to prepare myself for the inevitable tomorrow.

Oh, and if you happen to look up to the sky today, and you see falling Supermans, please help them pick themselves up. We all need help here; we're all in this together.

thanks for listening,

amanda