The Five Steps of Being Alone

She walked quickly down the hall, books clutched to her chest, head down and eyes averted towards the floor. All around her, she could hear her fellow students, and she knew that they were all talking about her. A boy bumped into her, and his buddies laughed. Tears threatened her as she made it to the car line. Her young mind dreaded the inevitable question her mother would throw at her: “How was school today?”

How to answer? “Oh, fine. A girl teased me, so did a boy. Got hit with a pencil, laughed at repeatedly. Everyone hates me…” And she was only in the fifth grade! She sniffed as a cluster of girls, classmates of hers, looked at her and snickered.

“Neigh…”

“Moo!” She retorted. This attempt to retrieve some pride merely caused the girls to laugh harder.

Step 2: Trying to act smarter

She sat low in her chair, trying to be anonymous. A boy sitting next to her nudged his friend, who whispered loudly:

“I ate horse last night. It was goooood.”

She narrowed her eyes, and turned to him. “Yeah right. People don’t really eat horses. I bet you didn’t.” The boys exchanged glances, and then looked at her again.

“Sure they don’t. But I did. Yummy…horse. It’s my favorite dish.”

She shook her head. “Nah-ah. You so did not. Horses aren’t eaten.”

“They are too.” He raised his hand, and the teacher looked at him. “Mrs., aren’t horses eaten by people?” The teacher nodded.

“In some places, yes, they are.”

“Told you so.” Whispered the boy. She sunk lower in her chair, as she felt color rise in her cheeks.

Step 3: ignorance

She strode confidently down the hall, swaying her hips and smiling widely. This was it, the year that she was popular! Sixth grade, baby. She stood tall, and that wasn’t just because she was wearing her really neat big blue sandals (though her shoes were really cool…). Everyone would love her; they did love her. She looked cute with her little blue plaid skirt and blue collared shirt, all from Limited Too, and her really neat makeup.

Yes, she would be asked out, because all the boys would love her, and she would have lots of friends.

She chose to ignore the snickering of fellow students.

Step 4: Humoring it

Her face turned into a wry grin and she rolled her eyes as she observed the two girls who were currently pointing in her direction while giggling. Oh really-did they think that she would mind? She was in ninth grade now, and she merely found their lack of tact amusing.

She wondered if it would be a good idea to go up to them, saying: “If you want to make fun of someone, try not to be so obvious.” She didn’t, though.

Still, her heart beat during lunchtime as she looked around. Where were her friends? She couldn’t sit alone, for that would look bad. She sighed in relief as she spotted the group she usually sat at. She couldn’t honestly say that she liked them much. Actually, to be quite honest, she really didn’t like them at all. Still, it was better than sitting alone.

Step 5: embracing it

She strode confidently down the halls, her books clutched to her chest, eyes focused on avoiding the hoard of students rushing to get to their next class. She rolled her eyes as she passed a group of girls laughing about something. They would probably be late to their class, and they would be late just because they just had to discuss their newest boyfriends. Because sooooo much had changed between the last time they saw each other.

Lunch was next, and as always it was a loud mess. She shoved past the other students, looking around and sighing in relief. There was a nice empty spot open at the end of the table. She deposited her stuff there, and reached into her backpack to pull out her lunch and her novel.

She no longer cared about appearing to be alone. She was a bloody junior: if younger kids saw, who cared? If older kids saw, again, who cared?

Besides, being with people and socializing was highly overrated.

A/N: Reviews are, as always, much loved.