When did I pluck out my eyelashes
And purse my lips?

I felt bile at the back of my throat -
Last night -
That has put me in a corner and curled
With my fingertips reaching over my spine and binding me up.
Neatly I did wrap myself in skin.
It was still yours.

Clarissa, Clarissa, I mourned you
As I mourned my bones.
They will lie lonely selflessly rather
Than put you in someone else’s rut.

Metal heart, crumpled by your bedside on
the television, telling me

"Mystery
All my life has been a mystery.
You and I were never, ever meant to be.
That's why I call my love for you a mystery.”

Tuesday enters, ravished and trembling
Shudders and gives her belly to the day.
She grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me awake
Until I cough, gag, and fuss.

Today I will wear black boots and scarves.
This is all I thought of as I slept.
Today I will

Metal heart
You’re not hiding
Metal heart
You’re not worth a thing

The question, in the morning, is always
Who else?
And there is never an answer.
So as I pore over orange juice and madelines,
With my elbows on oak and wait
Until cobwebs come claim me with a beckoning stare,
I go and read some Beckett and pick fruit flies from my hair

God give me grace, I ask with my knees nice and tight
Before prying apart the wood of the door
And jutting one weak lid out for safety.
It is time to tie my laces and sign my name.

And I will write you in my book when I come home.