Epilogue

So… I guess Moo was right. There is such thing as a good penis after all.

But just because I found a decent boyfriend—hopefully my last boyfriend ever—doesn’t mean that I’m not still petrified that something horrible will happen. I mean, what if we get into a fight? What if something is said in the heat of the moment that wasn’t meant but can never be taken back?

How now brown cow?

Moo told me to take it one day at a time and to not get scared of all the "what-ifs". Enjoy the ride of uncertainty, tio had said. The only problem was that I had no map to guide me, just a detailed explanation of Moo’s romantic trysts and her promise that she’ll walk me through all the steps of courtship. She developed a 12-step process for me. Step one: embrace your beautiful nakedness. I haven’t even come close to moving from that step to step two: embrace his beautiful nakedness. One step at a time I suppose. Moo was convinced that some lingerie shopping was the key to me achieving success for the first step. I’m not so sure, we'll see. She took me to one shop and promised more detailed shopping after the holidays.

Speaking of the holidays, Tio didn't like it when I told him that Caleb asked me to visit his family for Christmas. Christmas is spent with the family, he had exclaimed. So we compromised—I would spend Christmas Eve and Christmas at my uncle’s house and then fly to Washington a few days later to spend New Years with Caleb and his family. Caleb made Moo promise to escort me to the airport herself—I guess he was worried that I wouldn’t get on the plane. I guess I'll know how I'm really feeling once Christmas rolls around and I'm sitting on the plane. The prospect of meeting his family scares me to the point that my little ulcer seems to ache.

I’m taking medication to calm the stirring boil in the lining of my belly, but I’m not sure if it’s really working. Especially when my stomach cramped after Officer Jenkins told me that the judge turned Dr. Pervo over to the care of his family until the trial. Either the medicine wasn't working or a new ulcer had been born.

I thought Dr. Pervo would plead guilty to the charges, but he's determined to get off on an insanity plea. I’m sure the trial will tear my stomach to shreds, but Caleb promised me that he’d keep me distracted as much as possible. He was happy when my passport came in the mail. I hoped that our first trip together would be back to Paris. I wanted to see the city of love wrapped in the warm arms of my only love. Moo said I needed to get over my body phobias first.

Moo’s going to announce her retirement after Christmas, and she’s excited that her father will be standing beside her when she does it. I guess George told her that he and Paulina were separated—Moo talks about her father a lot now. I wondered if it was only a matter of time before George crawled back to Paulina and left Moo alone again. Moo hasn’t told him that she wants a baby—I’m the only one who knows that information. Well of course Caterer Jeremy knows too. The way I’ve caught them going at it lately, I’m sure that he’s more than willing to make her pregnant with his child. I’ve seen little Sandy too—she’s as cute as a button; so I know he’ll give Moo pretty kids.

Maybe Moo will have triplets like Olive?

I think Moo would be as happy as a cow jumping over the moon at the idea of triplets. I was just excited at the idea of eating a bunch of junk food with my best friend while we tacked off days until Baby Moo would be born. Tio’s caught on to Moo’s desire to have children. He had commented in his whispering voice that she was good with my little cousins. My mom just called her the Spanish equivalent of a druggie-whore and told my cousin Maria that she should really watch Moo around the kids.

Sometimes I really truly hate my mother.

I don’t get why she’s so unhappy or why she loves to bring others down with her. She’s a mystery unto herself and I may never understand what makes her tick and what brings her joy. But thinking back to the way she bashed Dr. Pervo in the head with the skillet, I’d say that she’s got a lot of pent up anger in her. I wish she’d talk to me, but we’re not close. We've never been close. Moo is more of a motherly figure to me—I’d go to Moo before I’d ever go to my mother. Anyway, Mother didn’t know what she was talking about. Moo would be a great mommy. I'll call her Mommy Moo.

When I asked Caleb if he wanted children and he just smiled at me. He smiled at me a lot now, which was both comforting and disconcerting. Each smile was different. Sometimes his eyes would narrow and the corner of his lip would turn up. Sometimes he had this dopey look that would vanish the instant our eyes met. And sometimes the smile was so sexual that I’d flush and throb at the thought of what he could do to me... if I only let him.

“Meow?”

I glanced down at my feet as Trigger wounded himself through my legs as if he were weaving around cones. He rubbed his forehead against my ankle and then flipped over to rub the side of his mouth against my toes. I smiled at the feel of his little saber-tooth incisors as they playfully gnawed on my big toe before he licked it a few times. He stared up at me with his green eyes and blinked as he cocked his head to the side. I wondered if he was trying to contact me through feline ESP. Something distracted him and he sat up right, his ears straight up and forward. He then disappeared in a dart of gray as he raced to the front door where Caleb was letting himself into my apartment.

“Hey Trigger!”

My cat answered him with a series of short meows and squeaks. I glanced over my shoulder to see Caleb give Trigger a little scratch behind the ear on his way into the kitchen.

“Mmm, spaghetti.” Caleb cooed against my ear as he pressed me against the stove with his body. He brushed my hair to the side and bit my shoulder delicately. “I got the bread you requested and picked up a bottle of wine.” He drew back, his fingers brushing the small of my back. I watched as he set the bread down beside the stove and put the bottle of wine in the freezer to chill. He then settled a few feet behind me to watch as I stirred the sauce. “How was shopping with Moo?”

I blushed.

“Um… interesting.”

I thought back to the sex shop she had dragged me into and of all the different toys and gadgets the saleswoman had tried to get me to buy. I had accidentally told him where Moo and I were headed. It slipped because I had been so shocked and nervous when Moo brought me in front of the sex shop. What if someone saw me going in? What if they saw me coming out with bags? What would they assume I had bought?

I could feel Caleb's eyes on me, burning into me. My chest felt hot. I glanced over my shoulder and found him grinning at me. I looked back into my sauce pot.

“Buy anything, Es?” He asked casually.

I bit the inside of my cheek and turned down the temperature and covered the pot with the glass lid. I turned up the temperature on the water for the noodles.

“Es?”

“Yes… I bought something,” I answered quickly. “But it’s nothing special… Moo insisted because she said it looked good on me.”

“Can I see it?” The tone of his voice had taken on a whole new vibration and I couldn’t look at him.

“Maybe later… would you help me by cutting up that bread?”

“Sure.” He said. I could hear his smile and cursed under my breath as another wave of heat tickled my face, neck and chest. He didn’t move for a long time and I didn’t move either. I laughed lightly and turned around. He was gone.

“Caleb?”

I heard the rustle of tissue paper in the bedroom and let out a squeak. I found him peering into the hot pink bag from Tangible Pleasures. He reached in and picked up the skimpy black material. I grabbed it from him and snatched the bag.

“Es…” he growled.

“You’re such a snoop!”

“Let me see,” he rubbed his hands down the side of his jeans and grabbed the bag back. I let out a scream and chased him around the apartment for it. We ended up on the couch. I sat straddling him, struggling to work the scrap of cloth from behind his back It took me a while to realize that he was enjoying my struggling very much. I put my hands on his chest and peered down at him. “They feel nice.” He said. I wasn't sure what exactly he was talking about. I blushed.

“Give them back or I’ll never put them on.”

I heard the hiss of the water bubbling up over the rim of the pot hitting the hot coil beneath.

“Water’s boiling.” He said.

We stared at each other.

Jeez, I love him. The thought scares the shit out of me, but I know it’s true and I know that he’d never hurt me the way my mind demands that he will. I go through this internal dialogue every time I find him watching me; every time he looks at me. What if I’m really not good enough for him? What if he finds someone else? What if, what if, what if...

But as he looked up at me now with green eyes that I was passionately in love with, I let my inhibitions slip. I carefully inched my body lower and smiled as he stirred beneath me, his eyes fluttering closed with pleasure. They opened just as slowly and pierced me with an intense stare.

I knew that stare well.

I moved lower and forced all negative thoughts out of my head; I killed the memories of Darren Silversmiths taunt: how now brown cow, and kissed my boyfriend. I then pushed myself up and picked up the bag from the sex shop—he could have the panties, as long as the more scandalous top stayed hidden away in my room. I stared down at him and smiled. I loved the way he was looking at me. It made me curious of him; of how good a penis he really was.

Lonnette stomped around upstairs drawing both of our eyes up to the ceiling. It was Saturday, which meant her baboon trucker lover was there. I heard a muffle scream of laughter followed by tell tale monkey grunts. Caleb’s fingers brushed my hip. I looked down and saw him holding the black satin panties out to me. I took them and smiled.

“Is that all you bought?” He asked, licking his lower lip.

“No, Caleb… it’s not.”

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A/N: Well this is the end of Killing Memories, the first story of Estela Ramos. Thank you all for your many reviews you've seriously pushed me to finish this book!! And looking back I think it took me 24 days to do it. That is really a record for me. THANNNNNNNNNNNK You so much:c). I will be continuing Estela's story and she'll have a whole new adventure as she continues to discover who she is. I'm not sure when the author alerts will start working again, but I think it's safe to say that I'll be starting the new story within a couple of days. I'd love to hear your overall feedback (both good and bad points, please). Did anything not flow? Were characters not believable? I will be editing Chp 1-3 to adjust the tense to match the rest... Anyways... thanks so much to all loyal reviewers and readers and stay tuned for more from Estela and Moo!

Summary for Killing Monsters (Book #2): "I can sniff out a serial killer. It's a trait I was born with. A honed skill that I've developed from watching CSI and Law and Order: Criminal Intent reruns. And now that I have first hand knowledge of the behaviorisms of psycho perverts, I'm almost positive that my belief that Christian Waller is a serial killer. But while the murder case consumes my mind, I also have to deal with an attempted murder trial, a finicky mother, my best friend's desperate need to have a baby, my best friend's mother, and my dead end job as a manager at Starbucks. Oh... not to mention that I have to meet my boyfriend’s family this Christmas, and convince myself that he won't go running for the hills, screaming like a banshee on crack when he sees my naked body for the first time. Eventually I'm going to sleep with him... I'm just not sure when or if I'll be sober."

I hope you enjoyed this story... thanks so much for giving it a chance and sticking with it through the end.