Author's note: I'm not sure what to say. These are things I've never said, and words I'll never say again. I don't care if she replies or not, but it makes me feel better to get it out. I just thought she ought to know.

---

This private regret

A blurred and faded memory

Where is my teacher?

The one whose company I used to enjoy

She taught me how to write

Showed my soul how to soar

Writing with her was special

Deeper than mere sex, stronger than blood

It was magix, pulsing with life

But like all things, it was double-edged

The very words that once inspired me

In private, tore my heart in two

Crystal tears hardened into ice

As I fell and shattered

Falling from where I once found grace

Empty echoing where your joy used to be

Two years have passed

Yet the truth still remains

You may have learned nothing from me

But I learned my gift from you

Then I found something in my desk

An idea that we had once shared

I almost tore it up, but stopped

A thought stopped me, made me think

I still owe a debt to you

Looking down, I considered what to do

Hearing his voice, I smiled though my tears

A fitting tribute, for both of you

To take this idea and make it new

Yes, this is what I wanted to do

I'm a slow worker, and have my own projects too

Yet I'm still working, writing this alone

It's not the same, it won't be

The magix we had is dead and gone

Even if I asked you to help me

It wouldn't be right for either of us

Sometimes my heart still cries

yearning for what we had

I still mourn for you

Even though you don't think of me

You might not think I have talent

but I'll still pay the debt

That I've owed you

No matter how long it takes

A promise that I will never break

This first book will be written for two

I'll write that book for Todd

And for the teacher I once knew