Something that was in my head and refused to allow me to sleep until I wrote it.

February 6 2008

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"We've had lots of sessions, right?" Mel asked as he looked over to his therapist in the white, plush office. He sat back in a comfortable chair while his therapist lay out on a leather couch.

"Well, yes. You've been my patient for..." the therapist trailed off as she rifled through her papers. "For almost a year now."

Mel nodded as he bit his lip, sinking further into the chair's soft exterior. "An' I've opened up a lot... right?"

The therapist smiled to him gently. "Yes. You've improved indefinitely, Melbourne."

"An' had some setbacks," Mel muttered. She shook her head as she looked over to him.

"That's perfectly normal. Everyone has their setbacks. It's how you look at it," she said. Mel nodded again as he closed his eyes.

"I... I want to talk 'bout my relationship."

"Alright. What do you want to tell me?" she asked as she sat up in the couch, pen to the paper.

Melbourne inhaled a little before sighing slowly. "I love him. He... means everythin' to me. I-I know that it won't last forever. Nothin' really does. But still... I find myself thinkin' 'bout him all the time. Even right now." He paused as he folded his hands together on his lap. "And it hurts. Because when we hang out together, it's the best moments of my life. They make me so happy and relieved. I think to myself about how amazin' it is for this guy to accept me, and love me, no matter what I do or how I act. An' I know that I can act pretty stupid sometimes..."

His therapist nodded as she listened intently. Melbourne liked that about her. She knew when to interrupt and when not to.

He opened his eyes a little, staring at his lap. "But yeah. When I'm with him, everythin' feels great. Like nothin' can go wrong. Then we part. For long periods of time. An' I try to call him to hang out, but somethin's always in the way or he can't do it 'cause he's busy. And that hurts. It's like... I'm not worth his time? Or maybe he really doesn't value me like how I value him. An' the scariest thought is maybe he doesn't love me at all? Maybe it's just a pity thing. Or he used to love to hang around with me, but now finds it borin', and can't bring himself to tell me? I... don't know what to think. I-I mean, it really does feel that he cares. But other times... I feel so... so..."

"Insecure," she said as she fixed her glasses. "You are giving him your all, and you're not sure if he's giving you his. Does that sound like it?"

Melbourne nodded after a moment as he brought his knees to his chest. "I've had people do this before. They'll be my friend, but then later on I find out they really can't stand me. I mean... why th'hell bother with me then? Why not tell me straight-out that you can't stand me? I... don't like it. I know that it seems selfless; to hang out with someone an' bring them joy while you're the one sufferin'. But... it really hurts me."

"It would hurt anyone. To feel like you're valued and then later to find out that all of that precious time together wasn't appreciated by the other person. And even though the other person feels that they're being selfless, you still feel pain," she summarized. Tapping her pen on the paper, she looked over to him with a smile. "The other side of the coin, however, is perhaps they do enjoy their time. But sometimes, he can't be with you. Even so, he probably misses you as much."

"Then why doesn't he say anything?" Mel asked, staring at his kneecaps.

"Perhaps he doesn't know the pain he's causing you. You'll have to be the one to let him know that it hurts when he tells you that he is unable to be with you. That way, he'll know and learn to tell you that even if he can't spend time with you, he still cares."

Melbourne remained silent, mulling it over. After a few moments, he softly smiled.

"Thank you. I think I will tell him next time..."