Based on ‘Perfect’ by Simple Plan

Dear Dad,

Is there any point to this letter? I mean, you are never going to read it. But my therapist told me it would help for me to get everything off my chest, and I guess she’s right. I need closure, so here goes.

I didn’t grow up according to plan, did I? Not your plan anyway. You always wanted me to be like you, and for a while, I wanted to be like you too.

Your plan was that I was to go to the snobby rich boy school like a ‘respectable young man’ to keep up appearances, and to be ‘educated’ behind the scenes, away from the prying eyes of the Government.

And at the time I thought that’s what was right, for me, for you, for mum, for us. But I couldn’t do that. Sure, I did it for a while, because I figured that’s what I was ‘meant’ to do. But I had a greater purpose than that.

I’m destined for a better life than you could ever give me. I want to help people. I want to save the world, one person at a time.

I used to be the most horrible boy in town. I was the most likely to join the league - your league. And for a long time, I wanted to be part of it.

The day I overheard you and the people from the League, talking about your plans for the year… I was disgusted. Disgusted with you, disgusted with them, disgusted with the life I had lead for so long.

Do you think I’m wasting my time, doing the things I want, with the people I want? Well I think I know the answer to that question. Of course you think I’m wasting my time with them. You despise them, and now, you despise me for being one of them.

I'm not saying it doesn’t hurt. Of course it hurts, Dad. The pain is so intense sometimes that I can’t sleep at night. I wonder what would have become of me if I’d stayed with you, stayed with your beliefs.

And then sometimes I can sleep, but it’s a disturbed sleep, dreams full of you. The time I told you I was leaving and you disowned me plays out in my dreams a lot.

When I left, I heard you shout abuse after me, and then you turned around, and I saw you hit Mum. Like it’s her fault. She may be like you Dad, but at least she had room in her heart for me.

And watching you be buried. Of course, I shouldn’t have been there. You hated that I was, didn’t you? No one else noticed I was there, but you did, and it made you sick.

And I’m glad. I’m GLAD. I’m glad it makes you sick, and I’m glad I went. It gave me a chance to prove to myself that I’m stronger without you, and guess what? I realised I am.

I don’t need you, or anyone else. I am what I am, and if you can’t deal with that, it’s fine by me.

All I ever wanted was just once to make you proud. Were you ever proud of me?

Of course you weren’t. I was never good enough for you, and in the end, I guess I gave up trying. You couldn’t change me, no matter how you tried.

You screwed me up. For a long, long time I was closed off to the world. I was so scared of getting hurt again; I didn’t let anyone get close enough to hurt me. But then I got myself a therapist, and that all changed.

They say love conquers all, and guess what? It does. It flushed out my bad side, flushed out what remained of your “teachings.” Being loved is what makes me happy. Without it, I would be nothing.

Teachings. Huh. That’s what you called it, and yeah, you were teaching I suppose. Teaching me to be something I’m not, and that can’t be taught, and it can’t be learnt.

What you are - it has to come from you. You can only be yourself, and in the end, I guess being yourself is what brought you to your demise.

And it’s what brought me the most precious person in my life. It gave me new hope, and if there really is a God, then I owe a lot to the guy.

You wanted me to be perfect. Nobody’s perfect though, are they? You certainly weren’t. You were far from it. I tried to be perfect in your eyes for so long.

And I’m sorry I couldn’t be, for you. Well, the you I thought you were. But nothing lasts forever, does it? And its too late, we can’t go back. I wish we could. Because then I would have known who you really were, and I could have broken the chains that had me bound to you, and I could have gotten out, could have found my true calling a lot sooner.

Could have gotten out way before…well that doesn’t matter now. I'm sorry it never worked out with us.

For a long time you were my hero. When I think back to those days… that was a different me. How did you hold me under that spell for so long?

So many days we spent together, and I never saw it. I loved you, as a child should love a parent. You never loved me back though, not properly.

To you, I was just someone to carry on the family name, never your son. You were just as bad as the Leader himself.

Those days are so far away now. Neither of us care anymore, right? Wrong. Of course I care. And I have a feeling somewhere deep down, you do also. It hurts. I know you feel it too.

You thought I wouldn't notice you hanging around outside my house that night. Of course I noticed! I was always smarter than you. And thank god for that. If I hadn’t been, I never would have gotten away from you.

I guess parts of your blood still lurk in my veins somewhere, because I still have my pride. I didn’t cry for you.

All it took was one fight and it all came out. Funny how life works sometimes, isn’t it? A lot of damage can be done in the heat of a moment.

You lost Mum in one. You lost me in another.

What about Kate? You thought I’d never find out about her, did you? How could you not tell me I had a sister? For so long I believed I was an only child, right up until a few weeks ago actually.

She traced me through a friend. When she told me about what you did to her…I couldn’t believe it. I was actually speechless.

You beat your own daughter! You beat her until she just about DIED. And then you sent her away, to live as far away from you as possible. She still bears the scars. As do I.

It’s not alright, Dad. None of it.

You can’t change the past. And you can’t change the future; it’s just something we have no control over - that’s what destiny is.

But, unlike the past, you can make the future better for yourself. Actions have consequences, and in the end, the consequences of your actions are what killed you.

Nothing is ever going to change what happened between us, because nothing ever could. Too much happened, too much went wrong.

I’m different to you, but in some ways we are the same. We have the same stupid pride. We have the same hair, and the same eyes.

But where your eyes were hate, mine are love. And I will never understand how people can be so similar in appearance can be so different. But we are, and I’m thankful for that.

We’re two different people, you and me, and it’s only now that people are beginning to realise that.

I’m sorry you see me as such a failure, but I am exactly what I want to be. One of them…the good people in the world. Nothing like you.

Goodbye, Dad.