|Love me, I live in hope
Author: firestar267 PM
Its hard enough being a teenager coping with the usual ways of life, but its harder when your stepfathers abusive. Unfortunately its impossible when you are struggling with your sexuality because your best friend is your everything and more. [MM Slash]Rated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 19,184 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 01-03-08 - Published: 10-25-06 - Status: Complete - id: 2266455
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: Okay folks. This is it. The last chapter!
Summary of last chapter: Kyle turns up at Brett's house in the middle of the night drunk off his face and reveals that he likes someone. After also admitting that he too likes someone but insisting it's not as easy as just asking them out like Kyle claims it would be Brett admits to being Gay. And I left it there because I was mean. (Sorry about that.)
Everything just piled on top of me, it was crushing, the weight of it all burying me alive and I couldn't take it anymore. It was like I couldn't even breathe and I panicked. He thought he had problems? He thought I was just too chicken to ask a girl out? He thought he knew that I actually stood a chance? He knew fuck all. And I was stupid enough to show him that.
So I all but shouted, "well if this she were a HE and HE were GAY then yeah! You'd be right!"
The echo of my revelation contrasted off of its consequent silence causing it to seem even more unforgiving and loud. I clamped a hand over my mouth in pure horror. Fuckfuckfuck. Did I really just say that? Shit! Making him understand is going to be so not worth it - damnit I should have lied. My wide with shock eyes were permanently glued to his as I waited for his reaction. He sat up slowly, his body riding off the bed as though being raised by strings. Eventually he stood up and faced me dead on so as to whisper, "what?"
"Look I don't know what you thought I said but-" Lame cover I know.
"Its morning. I'm not still drunk. Nor am I stupid. I'll ask you again, what?"
"I'm so sorry, I-" he cut me off.
"Never mind that, how long have you known? Why…Why didn't you tell me? You have no idea how much I would have accepted this…" What was that supposed to mean? "We're best friends…"
"That's exactly why I couldn't tell you….it doesn't matter anyway."
"Of course it does," he snapped, I stiffened. It mattered? How could he be homophobic? A total lack of understanding for this bizarre concept saw me being unable to realise that I was crying until he pointed it out.
"Why are u crying?"
"You don't care" I mumbled pathetically.
"Oh no I don't care at all Brett!" My breathing stopped and I panicked and missed the sarcasm laying in his snappy remark, that is until he carried on. "Of course I fucking care. Do you want to know why?" I nodded and he obliged, "because you've always been there for me, because you're my best friend, no, you're more than my best friend you're- and because I cant live without you"
That was weird, I don't think that's what he was going to say. I'm what? I can feel my heart beating faster than normal now. Surely he was just trying to cover up a slip of the tongue, and nothing more. Surely that and the unmistakeable blush surrounding his well-defined cheekbones are just coincidence…timidly I looked into his eyes, begging for him to just say it. Say whatever it was that was obviously troubling him so much.
He reddened and replied, "what I was trying to say was," aw shit I should not have asked, it's a good job my socks are interesting to look at because I am not looking up at him now…"well I was trying to say that I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing you everyday, it would tear me up inside. Honestly the only negative thing I could ever bring myself to think about you is the fact that you're my best friend and nothing more"
To say he looked horrified was an understatement. To say my heart had just leapt out my throat was a fucking huge understatement.
Did he really just say that? Before I had even digested half of this statement the poor embarrassed boy apparently paralysed by shock who stood in front of me backed away and started apologising. Guess he didn't fucking mean it after all then.
"Sorry Brett, I am so sorry" he whispered.
"Didn't, didn't you mean it then?" I asked, again verging on tears, sounding both pathetic and desperate. Next I made the mistake of looking up and meeting his piercing gaze, which was glazed with tears and confusion. But can you blame me for how I feel? For one glorious moment I almost believed he felt the same about me as I about him. Life's never that good. Pain was tearing through my body, leaving me with an empty, dull ache. "What were you trying to make me feel better then decided it was as bad idea? Because it wasn't funny."
"What? Brett of course I meant it, I wouldn't have said it otherwise" you didn't want to say it at all was the resentful thought entering my mind. "You just don't need this right now and I, I just didn't think you…-especially after you've just told me you're gay too…I mean you don't need your best mate lusting after you right now, especially since you like someone else anyway…I really hope I haven't just fucked our friendship up, I don't want things to be awkward…"
On, impulse I astounded myself and I laughed. To him it was cold-hearted and cruel, to me it was hilarious he could think such a thing. I hastened an explanation. "You didn't think I felt the same?" I somewhat bitterly asked, still more hopefully than anything, let me tell you how impossible it is for me to keep that level of helplessness out of the tone of my voice right now, grasping at straws, being desperate almost.
"Yes." He answered in a somewhat dejected tone that is so unbecoming to Kyle, I use it yes, commonly in-fact but he doesn't. "And it's harder now, now I know that I could technically have a chance but still don't." He looked hurt.
Struggling to speak somewhat as the enormity of the situation sunk in I tried to speak "Shit, who did you think I liked? How could I not feel the same? Jesus, I can't even remember a time when I haven't Ky."
He really can be an idiot sometimes, the look of pure shock on his face could have been seen miles away. "Honest?" how could he not have known? "Oh my god Brett, I never thought you would"
"Are serious?" This is too good to be true.
"Come on have I ever lied to you?"
With that he extended a hand to me and pulled me onto the bed with him where we hugged for ages until he finally pulled away looked me straight in the eyes, ran both his hands through my hair and placed his lips on my own to which I responded straight away with my own.
Heaven couldn't feel this good.
I felt his teeth gently graze over my bottom lip and his tongue resting there, an invitation for me to open my mouth and deepen the kiss – one I only hastened to fulfil.
The kiss steadily began to lose its initial softness as I found Kyle's tongue snaking its way into my mouth exploring it, mapping it out almost, eventually becoming rougher and rougher until I found myself moaning into his mouth hungrily asking for more. When resurfacing for air I found Kyle was now on top of me, his hair tickling me gently. We were flushed and out of breath, our hands up the other's shirt, each trying to find contact with the others skin wherever we could, because we could.
"You have no idea how long I've waited for this," he breathed.
Is he having a fucking laugh?
"Oh trust me I do," and I grinned as I felt his mouth on the sensitive skin of my neck mere seconds after that statement, he placed tender kisses there for ages, which I only happily returned. We were coursing the other into a simple state of bliss neither of us wanted to leave.
Eventually we collapsed next to each other holding hands and exhausted but the happiest we could remember in a long, long, time.
I wove my fingers through his hair as we looked at each other, could this really be happening?
"Brett…" he breathed trailing off "I owe it to you to be completely honest…" shit. Fuck. I knew it. I knew it was too good to be true. My stomach dropped and I started to question the situation…was I dreaming? Because I sensed a nightmare approaching. "You know the first night you slept at mine this holiday?"
Huh? No declarations of his love for others? No yelling 'HA! Joke!' in my face over the last perfect how-ever long it was that felt like a perfect eternity?
"Um yeah…?" Oh yeah Brett way to go, very smart…not. Gheesh I can be a fucking dumbass sometimes I really can be.
"Well I told you we lent the camp bed out so we had to sleep together, didn't I?"
"…Yeah…" was I hearing this right? Where the hell is he going with this one?
"Well I lied. It was under my bed." He smirked.
I kissed him.
A/N: Well! I guess that's it then folks! As cliché as it was bound to be. I know it was crap, in my opinion the best chapter was the previous one, I just couldn't seem to get that flow back into this one though so I'm sure you're disappointed about that, sorry. Also, I know the ending as a whole is naff but I can assure it is way better than me dragging it along with an epilogue or something. Still, I know it's the ending you have all been waiting for, so hopefully you're not disappointed too much!
I thought of the camp bed thing ages ago though, and thought it was sweet :)
My first proper story is completed…you have no idea how much it means to me because I am so lazy…I actually finished something. What's more is, you guys! I love each and everyone of you for reading. It means a lot.
I don't know what my next story will be like but I am going to start something soon, just trying to decide the routes to go down with it that's all. Oh and, do some school work I suppose. Eeeeep…
Special thank yous to my reviewers, you have no idea how much every single review means to me and how much they have helped me, just looking at the later chapters of this in contrast to the earlier ones kind of shows that progress lol. Honestly, I appreciate it hugely. A serious and honest thank you to:
Kirsten Nussey...X-TRX...Pokey831...Ravensbleeding...their wingless angel...Miss.Lexa...Prieda Solo...Amindaya...Elisha Horn...DeviantHeart31...pshtebabbyily...Cinera...bagelmoo...Perpetually Inept...demonwoman...DRAGONFIRE04...Black Viper...KayB...Back of Beyond...cherryd22...Kokoro no Tenshi...upsidedown.underwater
Sorry if I've missed anyone, or if your names are mis-spelt!