Chapter 2: Body Language

Remé

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I shifted nervously. She wasn't quite pretty, afflicted by all that awkward transition that comes with puberty, but not ugly either. A perfect match for me; the two unattractive rejects sitting idly in the backseat. I hated her immediately.

“What's your name?” She asked while peering at me from behind a curtain of curly chestnut hair.

“Réme.” I replied quietly, glancing at her briefly out of the corner of my eyes before once more focusing on my hands.

“That's an unusual name. It sounds French.”, she continued to impose on my thoughts.

“It is.” I replied lamely, completely disinterested.

“Oh.” Was her reply, as flat as she was.

I didn't ask her name because I didn't particularly care. She was there and I was there and neither of us was having fun. The all-consuming need for acceptance had vacated my heart and left me lonely. The local bad boy, Ramone Santos, was absorbed with someone equally dangerous in the front seat. I assumed that the girl beside me had been assimilated into this group just the same as I had been; pitied by the higher class of teenage creatures.

“You're kinda cute.” The girl commented, the most emotion I had yet to hear lacing her words.

“...Thanks?” I replied slowly, not quite comprehending how I was expected to respond.

The only people who had ever said anything remotely like this were my family and my best friend. There was a large difference.

“Um...” She muttered, as if searching for something to say.

I looked up at her dispassionately, eyes questing. And all at once her lips were on mine burning my skin with their heat and chapped surface. I stiffened in complete shock, my mouth opening on the impulse you recieve when surprised. Something slimy and warm slipped inside. Holy FUCK! One minute we were sitting uncomfortably and the next she was sticking her tongue down my throat?! I made to push her away, repulsed, but then I found my tongue responding seemingly of its own volition. Nononono! Réme, this is so... gross... Oh, fuck it.

Her fingers slid into my hair, other hand at the back of my neck. Trapping me and begging to be touched because no one else dared. I mentally shushed myself, forcing the urge to flee back into the recesses of my mind. Calm down, dude. Roll with it. You may never get kissed again. I wasn't precisely sure what to do but my body seemed at least moderately well-versed in how to respond. It was all a little sloppy, a bit desperate, and there would be awkwardness when it was over. Yet I managed to kiss back, tongue tangling with hers. If Ramone noticed his pitied parties making out in the back seat he did not comment. I was now pressed back against the side door, one of her hands gripping the collar of my shirt as if reminding that she didn't intend to let me get away. Our lips make wet smacking noises as she tried to kiss me as hungrily as possible. I attempted to kiss back with as much conviction but I doubted it was working so well.

“Whoo! Go at it, kids!” Crowed a voice suddenly, laughing.

I felt my cheeks redden with embarrassment, but the teasing only seemed to spur this anonymous girl onward. No escape. I moaned as her knee brushed between my legs though my mind was screaming at me to shove her off. My lips moved to her neck and began sucking at the salty flesh. It didn't taste sweet by a long shot, perhaps a bit dirty, but her response was one of pleasure. Oh well. I guess it was nice. Her hand brushed against the crotch of my pants and I jumped despite myself. My bottom lip caught between my teeth as I bit down on it hard. An image flashed through my mind. Soft dark hair and a sweet smile, not at all like this girl. Not even the same gender. Why was I thinking about HIM while this was happening?! I grabbed at my companion, kissing her hard to chase away the filthy thought.

Dominique

---

I looked up as my brother came into the room. His eyes were wide and glassy, almost as if he had a fever. His hair was a mess, even more so than usual. All clumped together as if someone had been continually running their fingers through it. His cheeks were flushed a livid pink and again I thought maybe he was sick. But he didn't look very sick. He looked more alive, actually, like when he got excited about going to see an Iron Maiden concert. His lips looked swollen and I found myself licking my own as I noticed this. Maybe he had gotten into a fight and won? That would have made me happy.

“Hi Réme! Are you okay? You look all red and stuff.” I said with a grin.

My brother jumped slightly as if he hadn't noticed me sitting at the desk with my Math book. His green eyes glistened as the light hit them and I thought again that he looked really pretty like that. Even if the girls at school didn't think so.

“Um... yeah, I'm alright.” Réme replied with a reassuring smile.

“You're back later than I though you would be. I expected you to be here to help me with my homework.”

“Oh shit... I'm sorry, Dominique. I totally forgot.” My brother replied, gnawing his lower lip fretfully.

“It's okay.” I replied, smiling lightly despite my disappointment.

Réme came up behind me, his arms settling around my shoulders like they often did when we spoke.

“How are you, little brother?” He asked, giving my shoulders a squeeze.

I gripped his folded hands with one of my own, leaning my head back to peer up at him above me.

“I'm good. Did you have fun? You seemed really happy to be hanging out with that dude. The popular kid? He’s a bad ass.”

Réme shrugged his shoulders, as if it didn't really matter.

“I guess I was overly excited about being included. But I did have a good time. A really, really good time.”

“What happened?” I prodded, sensing that his faraway gaze and grin meant something positive.

“Er... um... There was this girl there too, and we... never mind. You're too young to talk about this stuff.”

“Tell me!” I insisted, bouncing in my chair.

“No. It's big kid stuff.”

“Réme! I always keep your secrets!” I pouted, frowning.

His nervous expression softened and he smiled affectionately.

“Well, you know what kissing is, don't you?”

“That's a stupid question. Of course I do!”

“That girl, she kissed me.”

“Really?” I asked in a hushed tone, eyes widening in shock.

Réme nodded, grinning. Now I knew why he looked disheveled when he came home. A ripple of jealousy flushed through me. Anger slammed into my senses, startling me with its suddenness. How dare she. My hand tightened over my brother's, nails digging into his skin. He winced but did not shake my touch away. That girl... she had kissed my brother. I knew it would happen sometime, but still... he was my brother. My brother! What right did she have to take his first kiss without me even knowing? Did Réme love her, now? More than he loved me? No, I wouldn't let her steal him! I loved my brother too much to let some whore of a girl take him away!

“Are you going to marry her?” I demanded.

Réme’s eyebrows shot up, pink kiss-swollen mouth dropping open.

“What?”

“You guys kissed, a lot it looks like, so do you love her now?”

Réme laughed, but it was a harsh and confused sound. He pried my hand from his arms, releasing me and folding his arms over his chest. He appeared troubled.

“What the hell gave you that idea?” My brother asked wonderingly.

He seemed a bit appalled and I felt a violent sort of joy at the sight of it. He wasn't professing his undying love for her.

“If you don't love her, why did you kiss her?” I asked, my lower lip trembling.

“Dominique, people don't always kiss because they love each other. I didn't even want to kiss her, at first. She just started to kiss me. I liked it.”

“So you don't love her?” I questioned hopefully.

Réme laughed, easier this time, and shook his head. His white-blond hair shivered over his rotund cheeks and the radiance returned to his smile.

“No, silly. I don't love her at all. I don't even know her.”

Relief settled over me, and I relaxed my tight muscles.

“Oh.”

I didn't want to share my brother just yet. Not yet. Réme came toward me and ruffled my hair gently.

“Besides, I'm too young to fall in love. I still have to take care of you!”

I smiled adoringly at him, hugging his arm. I could feel the pulse at his wrist throb.

“Yeah. And don't you forget it.”

We stayed in this position for some time, me sitting in the chair clinging to my brother's arm and he standing beside me with an indulgent smile. I snuggled his soft jacket, inhaling the familiar scents of cigarettes and marshmallows and herbal shampoo.

“Réme?” I asked softly, my voice muffled by his jacket-encased arm.

“Hm?” He replied sweetly.

“What was it like? To kiss someone, I mean?”

Réme seemed to consider, while I waited with an expectant stillness.

“It's... like... well, it's hard to describe. We used our tongues a lot. Um... and... it felt really good. Yeah.” He stumbled over his words.

It sounded as if he was embarrassed to explain this to his littler brother, which I supposed I could understand somewhat. Mama always got mad if Réme told me something that I wasn't supposed to know.

“What was it like?” I pressed. “Did it make you feel all happy and floaty?”

“Well... yeah, I guess. I felt all hot and kind of... delirious. Like when you have a fever and everything seems kind of like you're standing on a merry-go-round that's going really fast.”

“Really? That sounds nice.”

“It is. And you want to touch the other person everywhere and every little tiny brush of their fingers makes you feel like you're on fire. In a good way.” Réme continued, relaxing and speaking faster now that I had prompted him correctly.

“Where did you touch her?”

Réme laughed lightly, as if this question was amusing.

“Just in the normal places. I didn't really like her that much.”

I smiled, trying to imagine the euphoric feeling of being kissed. It was difficult, and all that I could compare it to was that time late one night when I had become frightened by a thunderstorm. I had crawled into bed with my brother, frightened by the lightning, and he had held me tightly until my shaking subsided. As he began to become lax with sleep I whispered ‘I love you’ to him in the warm embrace of his quilt. His lips touched mine gently, as they had on other emotional occasions, and soon he was still.

While he fell back into sleep I couldn't find rest even though I was pressed close to the one person that I felt safe with. I lay awake matching my breathing to his. At one point, I jerked when a clap of thunder had rung out, and accidentally pressed my lips to Réme 's neck. I stayed this way, unaware that my movement was very similar to kissing, for a few minutes until I moved my mouth away. It gave me a peculiar tingly feeling, to touch him like this, and so I tried it again. And again. Slowly, gauging what made me feel a little giddy as opposed to what just felt okay. After a few repetitions, Réme made a soft sighing noise in his sleep and tightened his embrace. Feeling curious I pressed my lips to his ever-so-softly. This sent little tremors up and down my spine, especially when he returned the pressure. I never said anything about that night. It was only later that I realized what I was doing was called 'kissing', and that I shouldn't do it to my brother.

“I heard a little about tongue-kissing. It's better than normal kissing, isn't it?” I asked, pulling myself from my memories.

Réme nodded, a pale pink returning to his cheeks at the forward question. I swallowed, my mouth going dry as I stared at my sibling. It was often that I wondered why the girls at school didn't like Réme. I mean, he always looked so pretty to me. Especially now, his eyes bright and his face affixed with that sweet smile. Not being skinny didn't make him any less pretty. Just a little harder to see.

“Réme? Will you... could you...” I began, my voice guttering out like a candle as I tried to force the words out.

My brother tilted his head to the side questioningly.

“What?”

“Show me? Please?” I whispered.

Réme’s eyes widened just a little, his smile slipping down.

“What do you mean, Dominique?”

“Show me... how it feels to... to kiss.”

I heard his breath catch, his muscles pulling taut. He stared at me, almost horrified.

“Dominique! I'm your brother!”

“Exactly. You already love me. I'd rather learn it from you than some... some girl.” I reasoned quietly.

Reme pulled his arm from my grasp, trembling.

“Dominique, I can't do that. We can't. I mean, you're my little brother.”

I stood up, feeling suddenly very vulnerable.

“But I want to! Please, Reme? Please? I want to see how it feels.”

“Dominique...” Reme choked, eyes wet with tears.

Guilt lanced through me at the pain in his expression and I slipped my skinny arms around his waist to hold him tightly.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. Please don't be sad!” I pleaded.

His arm went around my back, pressing gently.

“It's okay, Dominique.” Reme's voice sounded hoarse, but soothing.

“Am I really that bad?”

“No, Dominique, don't ever think that you're bad. I love you. You know that. But... brothers don't kiss.”

“But we kiss Mama. We love her.”

“Yes, but it's different. The kind of kissing that you want is... it's not for families.”

“I'd kiss you any day, Reme.” I murmured, pressing my face to his shoulder.

His fingers found my face, brushing away the hot tears that had begun to roll down my cheeks. I warmed to the touch, nuzzling against his hand. His thumb stroked my face gently, tenderly. I looked up at him through my fogging glasses and realized with sadness that we were almost the same height. He only held two inches over me now that I was having regular growth spurts. We weren't so different and yet completely opposite. Brothers.

Reme gazed down at me, loving and careful. I couldn't imagine not seeing his bright smile every day, having him hold me whenever I felt I needed it. He protected me, loved me when no one else did, taught me so many things. Why was it wrong to want to show him that I loved him? I inhaled his breath, trying to taste the nicotine and unique scents of my brother on it.

“Dominique...” Reme breathed, but didn't say anything else though it sounded as if he meant to.

“I love you, Reme.” I murmured.

“I love... you too.” He answered, voice husky with emotion.

Our heads drew closer, he leaning down while I rose on tip-toe. My eyelids fell shut, and I could feel the heat from his skin warming my face. His hand slid from between my shoulders to the small of my back, splaying fingers across the sharp outline of my spine. I could almost feel his lips against mine, ghosting so close that it made my stomach ache. Was he going to kiss me after all? Please, please stop torturing me. He felt hot again like he had been when he first came inside from kissing that girl. He wanted to kiss me. I just knew he did. I felt his face move away, his hand begin to drop from my back. He wasn't going to kiss me.

On impulse, my left hand shot up and my fingers tangled in my brother's silvery hair. I tugged him down and pressed my lips against his firmly. It took a moment for my brain to register that the heat that was searing my mouth was another pair of lips and then his arms were wound all around me and he was pressing himself against me just as much as I was pressing against him. The kiss went on for what might have been a long time, making me as dizzy as Reme said it would. Feeling bold, I lifted my other hand and cupped his face. With care I stroked the soft skin of his round cheek with my fingers as the heat of our kiss spread to every part of me. Reme made a soft moaning noise, his lips moving slowly against mine. Daggers of the best fire I had ever felt outlined my veins.

Something slick and wet flicked at my lips. I was confused for a moment but then realized what it was. The wet thing touched me more insistently and I opened my mouth tentatively. His tongue shyly touched mine and I responded somewhat more enthusiastically. Reme pressed so close to me that I thought we'd melt from the heat and run together like candle wax. I wanted to melt, right then. If this is what it felt like to burn I wanted to burn alive. A loud thump from the direction of that stairs startled us from the spark and we broke apart like frightened deer. My cheeks were flushed and my lips tingling madly, my heart hammering against my ribs so hard that I thought it would shatter them and fly out of my chest. Dazed, I stared at my brother in wonderment. He stared right back at me, equally amazed and frightened.

And then he began to cry.