(11/08/2007)

To my aunt, after suffering five years of space and time and finally being rewarded by her perfect wedding.

To my sister, for sharing sorrows so they divided between us and diluted enough to become bearable.

To the month of August, for bringing Simbo, Heemie, and Ellie into this world and into my life.

Defining Disaster

Callisto Jean©

The Week with the Bad Boy

Chapter IV: Rewind (H)

Friday (Morning)

For the first part, I didn't want to give you this chapter unedited because it's a very important one. However, because it is important, I'm posting it unedited. Confusing? Well just read on then to see what I mean.

I got out of my car the next morning at the same time Dante drove past me to his allotted parking space. His elbows grazed mine and I held back a curse. With a glare in his direction, I hurried to the school doors praying I wouldn’t see his ugly face the rest of the day.

When I reached for the door handles, someone’s hand crashed into mine.

“Watch where you’re—” I snapped at the person the same time he snapped the exact same thing at me.

“Urgh,” I moaned in disgust as I looked up and glared at Dante. I violently yanked the doors opened and walked off in a huff.

¡Demonio!

- x -

“So…” Rizelle smiled, jumping beside me while I rummaged inside my locker.

“So what?” I asked in a neutral voice.

“Has he told you yet?”

“Who told me what?” I asked, not really interested in the conversation. Not when I was currently busy fuming about someone else.

Rizelle let out a sigh of irritation and smacked my arm.

“Ow!” I cried in indignation. She finally got my undivided attention when I turned and snapped at her. “What was that for?”

“Dante, dimwit,” Riz frowned. “Has he told you where he’s taking you yet? Gosh, I swear something’s wrong with you, girl!”

I blinked and tried to keep my temper down. It wasn’t fair to let out on Riz. She wasn’t my problem. But, I couldn’t help reply in a stone-cold manner. “He’s not taking me anywhere. But he can take himself to hell for all I care.”

With deliberate calm, I turned to shut my locker. Then without another word, I left a gaping Rizelle behind me.

- x -

“Oh my God! Did you hear? They, like, broke up!”

“I heard he dumped her ‘cause she didn’t know what a tentacle was…”

“You mean testicle?”

“Like, whatever bitch. Same difference.”

“They didn’t even last a week.”

“How pathetic.”

“Dante should, like, totally know what to expect from, like, people so inexperienced.”

“She so doesn’t deserve him!”

That was it. I slammed my book down, red and seething.

How dare they!

Form the corner of my eye, I saw the teacher in the front of the classed look up from the textbook she was reading from with a shocked and confused look on her face. But my attention wasn’t on her. It was on the small crowd of bimbos grouped to my left.

“You’re right. He doesn’t deserve me. He deserves you,” I snarled through gritted teeth.

I didn’t stay long enough to study the change in their petrified faces to smug, uncomprehending faces. I just picked up my stuff and left.

- x -

My eyes were burning and my chest felt like it was being pushed in and stretched out at the same time. The pain was the shame, the humiliation, and the disappointment churning together like boiling acid. The pain wasn’t for Dante. The pain was for me. It took one more look from another passerby, and the dam I’ve been trying so hard to keep in control burst.

I ran.

Dios, what a fool I was.

I would never have thought to be affected like this...by him…by them. I thought I was strong. I thought I was better than this. I thought I didn’t care what they thought.

But it hurt. And, it kept on hurting.

I pressed my face against the cold tile of the toilet stall, sobbing into it because I had no shoulder to cry on.

“Liam,” I whimpered. “It hurts. It hurts…”

The toilet door opened, carrying voices inside as I fought back a sob.

“She’s such a slut. I don’t know why you keep hanging out with her.”

A laugh bounced off the cold tiles, a laugh that made my heart break another time.

Rizelle.

“She hangs out with them. If I stick around long enough, maybe I’ll get lucky,” my best friend responded in a nonchalant manner.

I held back another sob, biting my lip until it bled. Soon, tears were added to the coppery mixture swimming in my mouth.

“Well, you must have lots of patience. I’d just go in for the kill,” the other girl said.

A silvery laugh answered this.

“Is Marian’s technique working?”

There was a small silence where Rizelle’s companion said no. After that, I swear I felt her smile.

“When you’re a predator, you don’t just pounce.” There was a pause and a smack of lips, telling me Rizelle had just put her lip gloss on. “You wait for the right moment.”

“Which one then?”

I couldn’t take it anymore. It hurt too much. I had to know what was true and what wasn’t. I had to know what was left that I could stand on.

I watched as the eyes of the Asian girl beside Rizelle widened at my tearstained reflection. I watched when she opened her mouth. I watched her still when she realized she had nothing to say, when she averted her eyes.

It was only then I found the courage to look at Rizelle.

She saw the tears.

She saw the distress.

She was unrepentant.

She smirked.

How many times must my heart break today?

The door to the girl’s toilet opened once again to reveal the face of a familiar stranger.

“Hey, Kat— Are you okay?” Larissa asked seeing my tears. “Did Marian…”

But I wasn’t paying attention. My eyes were on the door slowly closing behind her. All I could think of was escape.

So, I ran.

- x -

I didn’t know where I was running to, only that I had to get as far away as I could. I just wanted to lose myself in any aspect possible. So I shut my eyes to the school around me. I shut my ears to the buzz around me. I shut my nose to the scent of people and things around me. But, try as I might, I couldn’t shut my heart out to anything because the taste of my tears stung too much in my mouth.

I halted in my steps, thinking of reaching out to Liam. But, no. He was probably still angry at me. I took a step forward, away from the school then took a step towards it. Biting my lip in confusion, I let out an anguished sigh, expressing my torn desires.

“Katrina?” Larissa appeared out of nowhere and put her hand on my arm. She peered into my eyes with concern. Then, I just broke down again.

But someone was here now, and they weren't going to cast me away. Someone was here. I could feel her, taking me into the cradle of her arms, hands going up and down my back to calm me. Someone was here now. I wasn’t alone now.

“Tell me,” she said gently, and like a waterfall, the words fell from my mouth.

- x -

“Are you sure he’s not just a friend?” Larissa looked at me as she toyed with the steering wheel of her sleek, black jaguar. She had suggested we take refuge in her car awhile ago, behind tinted glass, away from prying eyes as I spilled out my guts to her.

I looked back at her with slight uncertainty. “Dante?”

Larissa shook her head, hair flowing gracefully about her face. In sudden consciousness, I tucked a loose strand of my unkempt looking curly hair behind one ear. I must look like a witch sitting next to a goddess.

“Liam, I mean,” she explained.

“No, my Liam is just a friend. Well, my best friend.”

She turned to look at me with a peculiar look in her face. I returned the look, lost.

“You see that? You’ve been referring to him as your Liam, your Liam.”

I tilted my head to the side and asked, “What about it?”

“When you explain something and he happens to be part of the explanation, you always refer to him as your Liam. When he does something that makes you angry, you forgive and forget the next day. When you have a problem, you always think of coming to him. Why?”

“He’s my best friend,” I answered simply.

Again, she shook her head and looked like she was about to say something but decided against it.

“What?” I prodded.

Bottomless onyx eyes gazed straight into my honey-colored ones and seemed to pierce through me. In that moment, I felt naked under her eyes. But I didn’t feel worried.

“How long have you known each other?” Larissa asked after a long silence of contemplation.

“Ever since we were children.” The question was so sudden; the reply just came without thought.

“Have you been best friends since?”

“No, it took us quite sometime to be as close as we are.”

“And you’ve trusted him completely from then on.”

“Yes,” I answered without missing a beat.

“Therein lies the problem,” Larissa nodded as if she was a scientist who just completed an experiment that came out with expected results.

“I don’t understand.”

“One more question before I explain.” She looked to me, asking my permission. I nodded straight away. “Is Liam the only guy as close to you as he is?”

“Y-yes,” I confirmed, unsure.

Larissa nodded again and lapsed into a long moment of reflection. I waited, trying to figure out what had just transpired.

“He was the first guy to ever get close to you. You’ve trusted him for many long years,” she repeated my previous statements, nodding again, eyes trained to the front though glazed. “Being ‘close as you are’, he practically knows everything about you. You rely on him for things you need, things you want. He would know without you saying a word. That’s why you always look for him, isn't it? Trust.”

She looked at me for affirmation before she started again.

“Liam being the first guy you’ve ever had absolute trust in, him knowing your needs and wants, he’s perfect. He’s perfect in the sense that this is the kind of guy who is standard, who is normal, who every guy should be like.” Her piercing eyes turned to me before she continued, “That’s why Dante going to Marian when he said he liked you, shocked you so much when it shouldn’t be a big deal with you knowing how he is. That’s why this Kent guy getting you to trust him so easily instead of taking his time was a big deal. Am I right?”

I nodded, not knowing if there was anything to say or if I had to say anything at all. I have never thought of it that way, but it made sense. It felt right and I’ve always relied on my intuition.

“And this Liam guy…it must be hard for him. You’ve been around each other, so he should be as used to you are you are too him. Being friends for a long time, liking you for what I suspect to be a long time as well. Then his brothers come out of nowhere and start declaring their undying love to you.” She smiled an amused smirk mixed with irony. “He must not like it one bit. Like how you claim him to be yours, he must also see you somewhat of his possession. It’s very obvious he doesn’t like it when you spend too much time away from him. The withdrawal symptoms and desperately trying to get you back to him combination is just backfiring on him. You’ve got to be careful though. I’m not sure if he’s being affectionate possessive as you are or just being plain possessive.”

She paused for breath that I had long begun to think she didn’t need and turned to me yet again. “Do I make sense?”

Overwhelmed with this newfound knowledge, I just nodded once more. I felt like if I opened my mouth this wonderful spell would be ruined and I would go back to confusion.

“Now with Dante, I’m not too sure but this is what I think. People, when they finally get what they want, sometimes panic and do reckless, unplanned actions. I don’t think that applies to this case. I think you’re right in thinking about the whole kidnapping scene and after that was just his way of saying ‘here’s who I am, I like you but I’m not going to change myself just for you, how are you going to handle it?’. It makes sense. He stands for everything you don’t like in a guy. He has to know if he has a chance or not. I think maybe he was expecting you to accept it. But let’s face it, Kat,” Larissa turned to me with an apologetic look on her face, “you’re a bit close-minded.”

I merely shrugged it off. I’ve heard it before; I’ve accepted it as part of me.

“You didn’t accept it. You didn’t accept him. That’s when he panicked. That’s when his never-been-denied attitude came in. He didn’t know what to do. So, I guess he tried to spite you, to prove he doesn’t need you, to hurt you like you hurt him.”

“And it worked,” I said bitterly, fiddling with the seatbelt holder and feeling pathetic. “He had me crying over him.”

“There’s no shame in that, honey. He’s an attractive guy,” Larissa shrugged casually. “You know it even if you don’t want to admit it. You were flattered. Your ego was inflated a little. Why wouldn’t it if three amazing guys confessed their attraction to you? You gained self-confidence, then Dante took it away when he went to her. It wasn’t so much as him disappointing you as much as you felt like you disappointed yourself by believing in him, believing there to be more to him.”

I smiled tentatively at this stranger I was sitting beside, letting me take shelter in her car. “Now I know all that, I’m disappointed at myself now for giving him a second chance only to have it thrown back to my back. It’s my fault now, isn't it? Shame on him if he fooled me once, but shame on me if he fooled me twice.”

I sighed. And I told myself it was in remorse…but it somehow felt wrong even when I said it.

“Actually, I’m a mixture of surprise and happiness that you did give him a second chance,” Larissa chuckled.

“So that I could make a fool of myself?”

“So that we now have more to dissect him by,” she grinned.

“How else?” I asked.

“That thing in the diner…you said he looked anxious when you were in trouble, like he was about to rush to you…you said that right?” She paused to think then continued. “I think he was scared. He was scared of you getting hurt, of letting you down after you gave him that second chance. Then, he saw you taking care of yourself. It’s safe to assume that hurt his ego, not to be needed when fighting is his forte.”

“Mmm…he brought up honor, didn’t he? When you said you called the police?” Larissa asked. “Dante’s in a gang too, or at least involved in a group.” She corrected herself, I think for my benefit as she saw the face I made at her word choice. “A few of the rules I know of is to take care of one’s own and not to involve the authorities because it’s messy and bribes are pricey. Inside an hour, Dante almost failed to protect his own plus he almost broke the honor code.”

“Technically, I involved the police so I broke that code,” I interrupted, seeing things in a new light.

Maybe he wasn’t as irresponsible as he seemed to be. But then again hardly getting your friends killed wasn’t something anyone should want to brag about.

“See, the captain pays the price for his subordinates. He is responsible,” Larissa reasoned and I smiled in irony. “I guess Dante was feeling pretty much like any failure that night. Probably more so when you practically undermined his authority and responsibility as you questioned him.”

“That wasn’t about honor, was it? Then, it was just about being the alpha male,” I thought, clenching my hands tight in anger.

“That’s his role,” Larissa agreed.

“He doesn’t have to take it all on himself. That’s stupid!”

“It’s nice to need people, but it’s nicer to be the one needed.” Larissa shrugged. “I don’t think he’s ready to share anyway. Girls come after him, but he came after you. I’d say that’s a big step for him right there.”

“He’s a guy who gets what he wants whatever and how ever he wants, and you’re telling me to give him points for doing just that?” I asked disdainfully, fully aware I sounded like a brat.

“Girls that guys have a genuine interest in are different than sluts. Sluts are merely tools of momentary pleasure,” was Larissa’s simple reply.

“Anyway, you gave him a chance. But he doesn’t know if you’ve accepted him yet. You’ve rejected him before when he tried to let you in. Are you sure you would’ve come in if he tried again right after the experience you just had? Maybe he was just trying to protect you.”

“He nearly slapped me…”

“But he didn’t, and you said he apologized right after.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I mumbled.

“That you rejected him again.”

Startled, I looked at her, trying to see any sign of teasing, any sign at all telling me she wasn’t serious. But there was none.

Dios, I really screwed up.

- x -

We were strolling through the school halls. Having missed a period and thankfully having lunch as our next period, Larissa and I were on our way to the canteen (a mile away from the car park).

After eating, I was determined to search Dante out, to set all the ugly wrinkles between us straight.

To fill in the time and the silence, I began to talk.

“You and Marian…you’re related aren’t you?”

Larissa turned to me with her dark eyes, more unreadable and guarded than ever. “What makes you say that?”

Casually, I shrugged not bothered by her impassive wariness. “Anything that has to do with her, has to do with you.”

She chuckled, praise to how I approached the subject.

“She’s my stepsister.” She gestured vaguely, looking everywhere but at me.

“How’d you land in that pretty mess?”

Larissa turned to me with a smile that told me I was in for an interesting story.

“Her parents had an arranged marriage. They never did love each other and only had Marian to pacify the big gun, her grandmother. Her mother, Lynne, has been having an affair all these years. She got pregnant and she didn’t want to hide anymore.

“That would have been okay had she not said that she didn’t want to manage the business anymore. Just like that, she was disowned.

“The big gun didn’t want to leave her oil business to a sweet but submissive man with no clue about business proceedings. Nor did she want her even more so clueless but amazingly perfect granddaughter to take the reins yet. So, she looked up she long lists of business partners and viola! My widowed mother who ran a successful business was on top of the list.

“Mother thought what the hell and why not. She met the big gun, signed the papers!” Larissa rolled her eyes.

“Her grandmother…she likes men, doesn’t she?”

Larissa laughed at my sarcasm. “You noticed, huh? Women heirs. Different. But still sexist.”

“So what happened to him, Marian’s father?”

“What about him? All mom would be making love with would be the business and the money. Let’s not forget my step grandmommy!”

“No wonder Marian’s screwed up like that.”

“Mom and Oliver have been ‘married’ two years. Marriage papers…ownership papers…transfers….all done and we’re officially moved in.” There was bitterness in Larissa’s voice.

“You really don’t like it here do you?”

She turned to look at me with a steady and serious face. “Nothing beats where the heart is from— No, where the heart is and forever will stay.”

There was an interlude of silence wherein we both got sucked into the whirlpool of contemplative thought.

Home? Where was mine?

“Speaking of matters of the heart,” she spoke, demeanor completely changed (as if she had decided to push her thoughts away), “we never had the chance to talk about Ryan.”

“What about Ryan?” I asked still thoughtful.

“I don’t know…but I’d be careful about him if I were you.”

I would have asked her what she meant, but the sight in front of us was too distracting.

“Kat, I think—”

“What possible explanation can you have for this?” I said, feeling tears welling up instantaneously. I turned to leave but she grabbed me again, firmer this time.

“Why don’t we stick around and we can find out for ourselves?” she suggested pulling me back to the open door.

Then there was Dante.

…and Ella.

…and Marian.

“Come on, Dante,” Ella whined, tugging on the massive bicep belonging to someone who I just noticed didn’t seem to be paying attention into anything.

Dante lifted his arm not in response to Ella but simply just put his cigarette into his mouth. Marian, smirking, sidled up his other side. She grabbed the cigarette butt with her mouth. I could credit Marian for knowing how to get Dante’s attention when Ella, his ex and possibly one of his most long-lived girlfriends didn’t. He looked at her, now conscious of two leeches latching on to him. Noticing where his cigarette went, he blew smoke in Marian’s face with obvious disdain.

“Didn’t I already deal with you yesterday?” He lifted a brow and grabbed back his cigarette. In the process, he spilled ash all over Ella’s micro mini. I watched her wrinkle her nose in disgust as she gingerly wiped it away.

“I liked the way you dealt with me the other day.” Marian spoke in a voice with the right amount of huskiness and sultriness, mouth tickling the little hairs in Dante’s ear. “You know…when you and I…”

I heard Larissa gasp beside me. I was too stunned to do the same.

Marian really did know what she was doing. Perfectly placed pauses made her all the more seductive. The fact that she was unabashedly pressing her palm a few inches under his belt buckle and sensuously licking him from chin to his lips while she lifted her leg to put over his, baring her thighs most indecently under his gaze, most probably helped her cause to the extreme.

On Dante’s other side, Ella was looking flustered and desperate. She clawed lightly on his chest, purring. He paid her no heed.

Dios even if I wanted him, how could I compete? This in front of me was his world; somewhere I really didn’t belong.

Even if I gave him a chance, we stood no chance, did we?

A sense of hopelessness and helplessness came over me. Things just kept getting in the way. It wasn’t worth it all, was it?

“It’s not going to happen again. You can count on that,” Dante claimed.

He stood, forcing Marian off him. Behind Dante, Ella sent Marian a triumphant grin.

But before she could say a word, Dante brushed her off too and began walking towards where Larissa and I were hidden behind the door. Everything about him was guarded. He gave off the aura of not wanting to be messed with. Clearly, as refined as their skills for seduction were, these girls didn’t know when to stop.

As Dante was leaving, both girls shared a look of understanding between them. They latched onto his arm simultaneously and got in front of him.

“Don’t do this, Dante!” Ella said, pressing herself against him.

“Please, Dante,” Marian purred. “Do us instead.”

Faintly, I heard Larissa hiss.

“Look, Cross. Mason. I’ve got a girlfriend now. I’d appreciate it if you fucked off.” Dante snarled in a low voice, pulling himself out of their grasps with a vicious tug.

“Having girlfriends never stopped you before,” Marian laughed.

Dante snorted. “This is different. She is different.”

“Why?” Marian whined. “Is it because she’s a virgin?”

Scoffing Dante replied, “I don’t owe you anything.”

He pushed them away. Larissa and I barely had time to dodge the doors as they swung open with two girls hurtling out of them.

Larissa caught Ella in her arms while Marian nearly body slammed into me.

Shock gripped Ella, Marian, and Dante’s features. First to recover was Marian, open mouth abruptly replaced by a snide sneer and shocked eyes by triumphant ones.

“That was fun, Dante,” she cooed. “We should do it again…”

Marian flounced off, dragging Ella behind her should the dimwit blab her confusion. In her wake, she left a suggestive silence that had Dante tensing.

He looked like he wanted to go after Cross to wring her pretty neck but restrained himself. Instead, he turned to me with pleading eyes that appealed to my heart.

“Katrina, it wasn’t what it looked like!” he blurted.

I wanted to laugh. I really did. But then I found my voice stuck in the back of my throat held back by the tears that have seem to fallen without my consent. Is that why he look so anxious? Is that why he looked to stricken, looking at me like I was fragile.

No, he misunde—

“Katrina, please,” Dante begged.

“Katrina?” Larissa asked beside me in concern when I continued to fail responding.

I managed a small smile though I wanted to do a victory dance.

“Tonight at eight, right?” I hiccupped.

- x -

I splurged this all in one night after going to all the pain of not knowing how to approach this chapter for a long time. All mistakes are my own; I apologize if it was distracting.

Question: What would be a dream date coming from resident bad boy? Just curious about what you think the next chapter is going to hold. Next chapter may take awhile...sorry guys, I've just really been upset and afraid lately. Anyway, nice to know some of you are still reading this story.