Oho. I'm sorry for the slowness. The rest will be just as slow. It's just not a stream of consciousness story. And I'm...well I'm a sensitive soul that has to take it's time. Bear with me. Or...I'll cry! Meanies! -runs off crying-

I did a lot in the meantime though XD It's a lot coming from me. I wrote some shorter stories and won a frickin prize dammit. Enjoy this chap!

I think she is dead. My neighbor, I mean. Her cats sometimes sneak into our house. There is something defect about all of them, and there are many. About twenty I think, and the one I remember the most is the one with the blind eye. It wasn't scratched out or anything, it was just born that way; a gray and white cat missing an eye.

That Thursday Caspar and Penny followed me home directly from school and she wanted to go knock on my neighbor's door to see if the poor old lady really was dead. The thought of the dead body being eaten up by all those cats widened her eyes and made them glitter. I said nothing as she described her detailed fantasies and pulled at my sleeve absent-mindedly toward the driveway. There were crinkled issues of National Geographic falling out the mailbox. Caspar picked one up with those bony fingers of his and turned it around, squinting. “Three months old,” he stated.

Penny's eyes lit up, she clomped past Caspar and me in her handed-down Doc Martens and knocked on the door, theatrically putting her ear to it. “I swear she's dead. I can hear the cats on the other side.”

Caspar looked at the cloud-free, blue sky, opened the National Geographic and tore some pages that were stuck to each other in the process. He turned away and faced the street, his face buried between the yellowed pages, his lips a thin line. His eyes shut tight when Penny kicked the door in.

“Shit!” I backed away, hit by the strong smell of ammoniac. Penny shouldn't have done that; she could get us all in deep trouble. But the worst of all was the stench. Caspar doubled over with the magazine still in his hands, staggering to the bushes as he threw up. Or rather gagged repeatedly. Nothing came out of his mouth. I forgot the stench for a second as I walked to him, my brow wrinkling. He looked up at me quickly and told me that he's going to my room.

Time: Um...Wednesday

Place: The lawn in the school yard

Drug: Something Corporate – Punk Rock Princess

Subject: Holes and Must do's (WTF?)

There are days when I think of nothing but that; nothing. I drive myself to the brink of insanity by compulsively think in dimensions, further and further and then suddenly the thought transforms into something else; a game, a game about how to kill myself. How to become nothing, but nothingness is also a state of being and I want to not be.

I squinted, humming under my breath to the song lyric, “punk rock princess...tell me why you just don't fit in...maybe when your hair cut's...over again...”

He closed his eyes tight enough for his eyelids to cinch and his hands were frozen motionless in the air. “Ow ow ow.”

“Geez, dude,” I laughed, both at him and my own pathetic trail of thoughts, taking the cigarette from between my lips and knocking the ash off, putting it back and picking up the earring. I wasn't so good at this so I imagine it hurt more and I also put the needle in from the front instead of the back so he had to wear the earring backwards. The needle slipped from my hands and my hazy vision missed that it punctuated the place behind his ear. He stiffened, sniffled, his expression souring. A whimper came from deep down his throat.

I laughed at him and blew the smoke in his face, squinting to avoid the smoke from entering my eyes; but his apple scent was stronger in this fight. “You pussy,” I teased, drying off the blood with the back of my hand. I don't think that wound ever stopped bleeding. I don't think it ever healed. A wound like that doesn't leave scars, but on him it did.

He glared at me making faces at him, sticking out my tongue and crossing my eyes as I bobbed my head from side to side. In the naïvety of my broken trail of thoughts it was easy to not notice more of him than what I wanted to take in. I'm not sure if he was angry with me for real of not just then.

Suddenly, something was choking me from behind and an insane smile rolled across his face. Next thing I know, Penny is shoving her vagina against my head. I was lucky her pants were on. She decided to sit there. I shoved her off, throwing myself forward into Caspar's lap so that she fell on him and forced him backwards. She threw her fist in the air. “Tomorrow we'll crash your place!” She turned around and looked at me, climbing off Caspar's broken frame. I swallowed hard. “Rent some movies, Pen will buy crisps, Conny shall bring beer, and I'll enjoy. Oh and Caspar?”

Caspar looked up, eyebrows raised.

“You're coming too.” She didn't offer, she ordered. There was no questioning, no excuses to come with, no nothing. He simply had to be there. I almost felt jealous for some reason unbeknownst to me and the conversation went over to what movie to rent as Conny and Pen also joined.

It was afterwards, when we were alone again, that I saw the blood still pearling behind his ear, the piercing still leaking and shining like nail-polish against the pale skin pulled tightly over his skull-bone. His serpent hazel eyes burned the words I wanted to ask.

Back to Thursday: Note that Caspar wasn't officially my company, he was Penny's.

Penny cracked open a beer can and slurped, sounding satisfied, she patted her stomach and sat back. She crossed her feet over the table-edge and leaned her back against Conny who sat upright with his glasses far back on his nose as he kind of shoved his neck forward as if to see better.

Pen walked in through the door and slammed it to the wall (it bounced back. I don't get how he does that) as if he had the legion of doom behind him, but I guessed he was just listening to Deathstars again. Damned Scandinavians. He threw four giant packs of crisps on the cracked wooden table and flopped on the couch between me and Conny. “What's this?”

“Shush!” Penny ordered and waved her hand. She took another swing and held one out to Caspar who bit his lip and shook his head. I deserved no beer, no, apparently I didn't. I crossed my arms over my chest.

Usually the sofa fitted us all perfectly, but Caspar had to half crawl up the side now. Penny was looking at me as if it was my duty to let him sit on my lap, but if he did I wouldn't be able to see the TV. And we've got this nice and expensive plasma thing that I don't see often because the computer occupies so much of my time.

The Grimm Brothers has never been my favourite film but Penny surely liked it and Conny couldn't stop laughing. Pen hid his glasses to prevent him from laughing his intestines out and hopefully shut his mouth. It resulted in Conny occupying the screen after shutting Pen in the closet with the vacuum-cleaner. By that time Penny had gotten annoyingly drunk and Caspar was scanning the room in lack of something better to do. I rolled my eyes. Now they ask why I don't ever want to watch films with them. Maybe, just maybe, I have my reasons.

I think it was then that Caspar disappeared. I didn't notice it at first. The scent of his bad breath underneath a shitload of Pepsodent hung in the air before me. I was helping Penny find more beer, although I was rather stopping her from throwing out all the contents of the cupboards and the fridge. She looked through the whole kitchen and then let Pen out of the closet so he could help her. Pen looked up at her with pursed lips and squinting red eyes. His moan was heart-breaking. How could she wake him up from such sweet dreams?

“Denis?” The lack of beer made Penny's half-mast eyes open wide. It was funny to watch her eyelids fall and her trying to keep them open.

“Yeah?” I looked up from the sofa where I was trying to look at the screen from between Conny's head and arms, the remote control twirling in my hands.

“Where is Caspar?” She sat down beside me, Pen taking his place beside her and making himself comfortable against her side.

I looked around, shrugging. But after a few moments I couldn't get it out of my thoughts and got up, climbing the stairs to the second story and strolled to my room only to find him curled up in my bed. He ignored me and walked past me to the bathroom.

Penny appeared moments after, when I sat on the bedside and waited for Caspar to get back, ignoring the disgusting sounds from the bathroom. She plugged her MP3-player into my sound-system and started to make movements somewhat resemblant to dancing with a can in hand. The music annoyed me; it sounded like old video game music. Pen appeared at the stair-head and joined Penny who grabbed me and forced me to move along. She didn't mind that I threw her off me on the bed and stomped out of the room, the blaring music behind me making the walls and windows quiver.

Downstairs, Conny had found his glasses and was back on the sofa.

“Where were they?”

“Under the sofa. That ass. What if they broke?” He didn't sound angry in the least. He sounded calm and concentrated, his voice barely audible.

“You seen Caspar?” I scratched my tummy from over my black, thick parka.

“Uh...” He paused for a moment, ducking his head along with the Grimm Brother on the screen fighting. “He...he went out, he went out.”

My eyebrows knotted, I scratched my belly some more and turned on my heel, marching to the door. The pavement outside the door was cold so I kept my feet inside, hanging out and balancing on the handle. No Caspar to be seen. My brow was aching and my lips were bleeding as I sat on the floor and forced my shoes on, not bothering to tie.

The wind blew with a million metres a second as I made my way to the dreaded house of my neighbor. I couldn't see the in through the windows, there was a cake on the table with a blinding halo about it. My breath hitched. I could distinguish Caspar's figure at the table, a fork in his hand digging into a yellow piece of cake. Catwoman had kidnapped him and I had to do something about it before he was poisoned, but I couldn't manage to move an inch. My nails were digging into my palms and something told me that it had to hurt but I couldn't feel it.

The old woman was half covering the window with her hunched back in a dangerously soft blue and flower patterned dress. She slowly moved. She was turning around. In my mind I could see her deep sunken eyes and the nose that must've been bitten off. There were holes instead of her ears, holes into her head and you could see the brain matter that deliberately slid down her wrinkled, yellow temples and down her chin. Her skin like parchment. Except she actually was rosy and I'm not sure how she looked so healthy living in all that stench. She looked at me with wet eyes and the toothless mouth curled up into a smile. My chin fell down. Fingers loosened and my palms tingled. Chest so tense that I forgot to breathe as she lifted her hand...and waved for me to come in. Starry eyed and robotic, I walked around the house, the door opening before me.

She stood there, liver red lips and all with the sound of the fork against the porcelain echoing from behind her. Again, there was the ammoniac and the cats to follow it, entangling themselves about the woman's feet. One of them had a long naked tail. She nodded when I said hello.

“Caspar?” I stammered, stretching my neck. I ignored an orange cat screeching at me and followed the lady into the kitchen. The stench got stronger the further in we went. I spotted a box in the corner of the kitchen behind a stack of wooden chairs and Caspar passed out on the floor.

I knew the Catwoman was up to something alright. I could see through her act as she hurried into the kitchen at the sight of Caspar, gasping and wide-eyed. I attempted to gather him up from the floor, but he was too heavy. I remotely wondered how somebody made of skin and bones could be so heavy.

“Uh...” came a moan. Caspar sat up.

“Are you okay?” The Catwoman asked.

Caspar blinked a few times and attempted getting up on his feet, slipped back on his ass and got up with my help. “Yeah, yeah I'm okay.”

“What happened?” I asked, looked about the room. The clock pointed at seven PM.

“I...slipped...” Caspar followed my gaze, “when I was checking the clock.”

“Right.” I too his hand and dragged him behind myself. “Thanks for the cookies!”

“Anytime.” The lady closed the door behind us after watching us walk out into the cold.

Penny went nuts when we got back. She had to know absolutely everything. She was quite drunk by the time too, so when I came to the part about Caspar fainting, she lost interest. “That's a really cute shirt you're wearing. What is it, a troll? Where is he by the way?”

I looked about me. Great. He was gone again. “I don't know. Caspar?” I yelled up the stairs. No answer. I climbed the stairs two and two. He was curled up on my bed. “Caspar?”

He grunted, not opening his eyes. His toes wiggled faintly.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah...I'm fine.”

“Good.” I sat beside him on the bed. After a minute of hesitation: “What's wrong?”

He turned his gaze at me, cheeks flushed. His fingers were playing with the cube patterns on my sheets. “Nothing. I'm fine.”

“Didn't that old lady do something to you?”

“No, I was chased by a troll.”

I blinked. It was getting a bit weird. It had to be the cookies. He was poisoned. He was talking nonsense. Was this his idea of humor? It wasn't mine. His face was too straight to be telling jokes. “You...sleep for a bit, okay?”

He nodded and curled closer to his knees. There was a trail of ashen dust of hair on my pillow. He probably didn't feel at home with my friends around. After all, he hadn't spent much time with them. Did he feel comfortable when I was beside him? My skin tingled from the cold of his fingers when he slipped them into my hand, his grip hardening deliberately. “Stay, ” he commanded to the pillow with a quivering voice.

“I'm here.” I let my thumb caress the back of his hand, trying to quiet his shivers. I leaned down over him, resting my forehead on his shoulder; an excuse to breathe the fresh apple scent clinging to his clothes.

The door opened with a dull sound and in came Penny, and eyebrow down in her eye. “Is he okay?” She said it as if it was a secret.

“Yeah. He's fine.”

“Doesn't seem like that to me. Shoo.” She waved her hand for me to get away.

I looked down at him again, and felt like she was right. Got up and let her take over. Caspar's tears were too much for me to handle. I sighed deeply. “What's wrong with him?”

“How should I know?” She played gently with his hear, leaning into his ear and whispered something. I bit my lip and hugged my arms. Caspar's answer wasn't understandable anyway, he whimpered something and suddenly sat up, grabbing his sides as he broke out into a uncontrollable sobbing and made his chest heave so violently I thought it'd break soon.

“It hurts!” He seemed to repeat over and over, although I could only distinguish half the words.

I rushed at him. “What's wrong?”

“It hurts. My stomach hurts.” He collapsed back on the sheets into a quaking puddle. I wanted to go shake him out of his state. His lower cracked lip was irresistible. It had a dark hue in front of his clenched teeth and I wanted to pull at the scales. It was gone as quickly as it had come. Soon he was calm in the embrace of my blanket with Penny spoiling him. Why couldn't she do that with me? What did he have that I didn't? Acute stomach aches? Just because I ate all the calories and alcohol as I should and was a healthy kid. She did turn straight once in a while when her girlfriend got enough of her and she came to me for comfort, oh yes, then I was sufficient. Maybe I should try bawling my eyes out too once in a while. It worked when Conny did it. He'd gotten numerous guys to stop hitting him just by letting tears gather in his puppy eyes and giving them a few bitch slaps. I swear he cries when he hits people. He always pretends it's because he gets hit, but I know it's not like that. It was me he told his hot little heart's secret to a sunny afternoon when he couldn't put down the damn fish bowl. He told me how conscious he felt about certain things he'd done in the past. If I didn't keep secrets so well, he'd be screwed. Although what he actually meant was sleeping with Penny's girlfriend, but he would be done for anyway. Penny didn't care that her girlfriend slept with the first best guy, she just didn't want to know about it. Though I suspect she'd want to be on if she got to know about it in time. That girl has devoted her life to sex and fighting. Wish I had that much energy.

I stopped thinking about all that. You never know if telepathy actually exists.

“What's with your stomach, hun?” Penny soothed.

“Nothing,” Caspar assured with an excusing smile. “I just...I'm allergic to a lot of things.”

Yeah, right. I wish I was allergic to you. Maybe I wouldn't have kissed him when Penny went back to her drinking then.

Subject: Looking back or something just as cheesy

Looking back, I should have kissed him more DAMMIT!