Fairness

One word:

Cancer.

That’s how it was. Me, just turned 13 and I already have cancer.

It was so unfair! My life was unfair! My whole life was turned upside down with just three words… I wanted to scream, cry – anything! It wasn’t true – I couldn’t believe it. I wanted it to be – so desperately – to be a joke.

When I heard those words come out my doctor’s mouth, I bit my lip to prevent myself from crying out loud. I mean, I was a guy and all. Guys don’t cry. Or least – in my definition.

The doctors had told me that it was a type of blood cancer usually found in kids my age or younger.

It was called “ALL” – short for acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Sometimes my white blood cells would get messed up and deformed and then multiply like a virus. Because they’re messed up, they’re called blasts and don’t kill off germs and the bad stuff. But they also kill off the good blood cells.

My mom was really relieved when the doctors told us it was still early and I still had time so I do have a chance.

But cancer was cancer no matter how early it was.

However, no matter how hard I tried to stop myself from crying, I couldn’t hold it in any longer when we got home. I ran straight up the stairs, ignoring my mother’s worried shouts and into my bedroom, not even taking a glance at my brother in the hallway.

“What’s wrong with brother?” I heard his childish voice from within my room as he asked my mother. I could imagine her walking up to him and then taking him in her arms, as if comforting him.

“Brother needs to be alone for a while okay?” she told him gently.

For that accursed second, I wished that brother had been the one diagnose with caner and not me. I know, that was so very evil of me, but I couldn’t help myself!

I burst out crying, landing on the bed with a soft “thump!”. It was quiet now.

Why? Why me? Those words were repeated in my head over and over again until I felt like my head was going to explode.

One day, I’m happily shooting hoops with my friends and hanging out and all and the next, I’m in the hospital after I collapsed during a game.

Wiping the tears away, I thought that my life was over.

I wished I was anyone but me. A lot of kids would wish that whenever they felt angry or sad or depressed after getting into a fight with their parents or friends… However, I wished that I was anyone – I don’t care! Even the geeky-looking guy who always sits in the corner of the room! I wanted to be someone else. Someone without the disease…

I couldn’t do almost anything…

I sighed and leaned further into my soft pillow, adjusting it so it was more comfortable.

I’ll have to go to the hospital again to get a… --what was it called? A catheter I think?—in my chest.

Ugh… Just thinking about it makes me sick. I covered my mouth with a hand, starting to feel nauseous.

Is this how the rest of my life will be? Wishing constantly to be someone else? Hoping that I’ll survive chemotherapy?

God, I’m only 13!

Bib:

Drums, Girls and Dangerous Pie by Jordan Sonnenblick

“Double Fault” – a fanfiction by bowlofkaki