It’s so cold here.

I stand shivering before an endless expanse of monotones. The wind is harsh and unyielding as it races across the barren landscape. It whispers mocking phrases and taunts me to move forward. I drudge onwards uncertain of my destination yet I know it’s better. I pull my shall closer in an effort to block out the aching numb but it seeps through unseen cracks and settles in. The chatter of my teeth drowns out the daunting whisper of the wind. I close my eyes to shield them from the chill.

After awhile I get the feeling that I’ve stopped moving but I don’t open my eyes. Maybe the cold has finally won. But the funny thing is, the numb is leaving. My breathing isn’t fast and sharp. My body is reawakening. Slowly, I open my eyes then close them again quickly. The colors stand out in stark contrast to the monotones. Inch by inch, the colors sink in and I look around. The world is bright green and blue. The leaves on the trees shift gently in the soothing breeze. I take off my shall and bathe in the warmth of the sun. A chuckle slips out as I dance along with the waving golden grasses.

I settle in and enjoy the warmth. But as the days pass by the colors start to fade. The sun is less bright and the joy is slipping away. Parts of the trees keep disappearing making me wonder what’s real. If any of it was real. Then just as suddenly as it showed up, the world was monotoned again and the wind was laughing at me. The emptiness seeps past my barren skin and drowns me. The pain of loss is only over shadowed by my own sense of hopelessness. And yet, I push on numbly and on unsteady legs. Because I’m not ready to give it all up.

It’s so cold here.