i need to untangle the unwelcome reason for the salty tears coursing down my cheeks but they are jumped up in a knot in my thumping head like paper confetti and if I try and un tangle them they rip to split in two to add to multitudes of strands of pain running with my blood through my veins and every move me broken body makes sends a fresh wave of nausea rolling through my body hitting my broken soul with the force of a thousand storms of hurt only added to by the wounds that appear on my body as they appeared on the hearts of the people i love on whom i inflicted such pain that open scares never heal and when im told to view myself through the eyes of people who love me all i see is no one no one loves me and those who must see me only as a callous bitch who cannot change her sallow ways to blunt the blades of her personality that she hits her world with whenever she moves and until i die this is who i am