Day 2

Several weeks later and we are back together again. O what a rogue and peasant slave am I! I take arms against a sea of trouble time and time again. I want to shout to the heavens, let them know that they are killing me inside. It is so predictable that he would leave me again and even more so that he would ask me take him back. I would. Sometimes I wish that I could be free of myself – my body. All the things that hold me back. I am just afraid. Afraid to let it all go. Just say no, tell him one simple word and be free of it all, of him. It’s as if I’m living inside Pluto’s cave. Safe.

Seconds pass me by and I halt. Stuck in a position where I pray that I was never born. Dying is out of the question because of the unknown. The fear. If only we knew that if we die we would sleep and to sleep we would dream.

Miscalculation. A perfect word to describe what I am and what I have ultimately become. A miscalculation. A fault. Un-returnable. My parents. People who I feel that I must love but truth be told it is far from love for what I feel towards them. They are my keepers, locking me away until at last I can close the lid on them. Compact them in a silk casing far beneath the soil where hells maggots can get at them.

I believe Shakespeare was a visionary. A man who could see things for what they were without taking any pills. “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women are merely players”. We are His toys and He…He rips out our hearts, waiting till it’s dry and worthless. Only then are we allowed to rest and melt away into the earth, forgotten to the world. It is inevitable. We are too meek and mild to question Him. Satan – the fallen angel was cloaked in darkness and left in solitude forever in his icy prison.

There is the error. GOD IS NOT YOUR SAVIOUR. HE IS UNQUESTIONABLE.

Do not misinterpret what I am saying. Satan himself is no more pure. We have all been tainted by Him. I am no better than any of you for I have also tried to reason with the Lord and now I am paying the penalty for my actions.

There is a God. God is watching us. Watching us from a distance. From a distance he is smiling.

His smile is empty.