A Word from our Sponsors

by

Elizabeth Springbrook

A/N: Just something silly for y'all.

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It was going to be another wonderful day in the realm of the gods. Ra had survived the night, yet again, and he had begun his daily trip across the sky in his boat. The mortals were busy harvesting and building and whatever else mortals do. Anubis, Lord of the Mummy Wrappings and God of the Dead, was preparing himself for the day. Sitting before a mirror he was casually applying an oil to make his ebony-black skin shine. Gently he rubbed the oil over the back of his neck and throat then on down to his chest and then...

over...

...his...

We Interrupt this Work of Fiction to Bring you an Important Announcement!

Khnum, the ram headed potter god, stood against a background of white. He was looking as if he was about to say something.

"Is this thing even on?" He asked, tapping the small microphone that had been clipped to his necklace by the tech guys.

"Yeah, it's on," A voice reassured him from off-screen.

"Are you sure?" Khnum asked, tapping the microphone again and producing that distinct popping noise.

"Just go, they'll hear you!" The voice said. Obviously they had been having this conversation for the last fifteen minutes or so. Khnum looked at the camera and smiled big.

"Hello out there all you silly mortals! I'm Khnum, a God of Creation. As you can see I have the head of a ram, which is also known as a Male Sheep but, that's beside the point. I create people on my potter's wheel. I also control the annual flooding of the Nile. Isn't that interesting?" Khnum stated. His voice sounded falsely cheery. "I'm here to talk to you today about a little something called "subject matter!" Seeing works of fiction about my fellow gods in the Egyptian Pantheon makes me oh-so-very happy. But, what doesn't make me happy is that you limit yourselves so, my silly mortals." At this point Khnum begins to walk to the left, the camera following him. He stops by a short man with the ears and tail of a lion. "This is my friend Bes. Say "hi" Bes." Bes waved enthusiastically at the camera. "Bes is a joyous god who enjoys long walks on the beach and poetry." Bes began to snigger as it became apparent that Khnum was reading off cue cards. Bes had changed the cue cards around while the techies weren't looking. Khnum became angry and gave Bes a whack over the head. "ANYWAYS. Bes, here, he's known for helping women in childbirth. Very popular in Egypt, let me tell you. And that guy up there," Khnum pointed up to a floating sun disk. "That's Aten and even though he's a cult stealing backstabber we love him anyways."

"What Khnum is trying to say is that, we're tired of seeing all the Anubis love stories and the same characterizations of a shy, workaholic Thoft, a haughty Ra who sets everyone up, and a cupid-like Hathor," Aten explained, cutting Khnum off.

"Hey! First you steal our followers and NOW you're taking MY announcement!" Khnum announced angrily, turning on Aten. Suddenly, Aten burst into tears. Big, fat tears that splashed onto the floor.

"Now you've done it!" Bes announced, throwing up his hands. "You've got to make it up to him!"

"Me?! I don't owe him anything! He stole our followers for an entire generation!" Khnum replied, pouting like a spoiled child.

"No one will ever forgive me! All the others HATE me for that one little thing and it wasn't even MY fault that the idiot tried to squash out your cults!" Aten said through big, fat tears. Khnum suddenly decided to have a heart, even though Aten did steal his followers.

"Look, I'm sorry. I've just been under lots of stress lately. With the new job and all I haven't had much time to myself," Khnum stated, rubbing back of his neck. He fished in a pouch on his belt and drew out a lovely painted ceramic bowl. "Here, I'll make it up to you. You can have this. It's a bowl one of my artisan followers made and gave to me as an offering." Khnum showed Aten the bowl. Aten sniffed as he studied it. He then extended one of his rays to accept the bowl which Khnum reluctantly handed over.

"There now! Everybody’s happy!" Bes announced. Khnum cleared his throat and looked back at camera.

"Anyways, in conclusion we would like to see more stories about different gods, preferably about me," Khnum finished.

"Or me," Bes said happily, smiling big as he made Rabbit ears behind Khnum's head.

"Or me," Aten said through one last sob.

This has been an announcement from the Variations in Fiction Committee (VIFC). For More information concerning the persons involved in this announcement, please consult the nearest book of Egyptian Myths. We thank you for your attention and now return you to your regularly scheduled work of Fiction.

Ra's journey through the sky was finished for another day. Anubis yawned and headed off to bed, the day's work done.