The anger burning in me made me bitter. I requested for separate rooms a mere week after walking into his house. I could not grasp my thoughts and his awkward touches made it all the worse. In my own room I felt much better and could dream myself back home. Maura's presence was wished for. I made her sleep beside me like when we had been children, just so I could rest my hand in her naturally curled fingers that shone olive in the cold night-light.

I couldn't understand his character, his wish to touch me and yet to not to; that he wanted to touch me and yet not listen to me. I admit to that I wasn't the type to seek him out to speak to him; I was rather selfish in that I expected him to ask me and fulfill my wishes.

In my earlier days, I had vowed not to become like Mother, yet here I was, sitting in an arm-chair by the window and occasionally throwing a look at the street below over the edge of my book. A smile tugged at the corners of my lips when I saw him. I hid it immediately as I heard the door below and Maura's voice echoing in the stairs. My head jerked up when somebody came into the room. The steps were not light as Maura's would have been. They were heavy, their resonance dull.

“Adriana,” came a soft voice.

I looked out the window briefly, unseeing, and went back to my book. The words blended together. Again came the dull sound over the carpet. I felt something cold on my collarbones, and then his hands fumbling at the back of my neck, slightly pulling my hair. His lips against my skin tingled, the fingers deliberately digging themselves up into my hair sent shivers down my spine.

“A gift.” He stood up behind me as I rose out of my chair and realised how stiff my back had gotten. I made pretence to be fine and stepped to the mirror. Ruby and gold, and his fiery blue eyes behind me. I turned to him, my fingertips stroking his chest as I placed a quick kiss on his lower lip.

“Only one kiss?” His eyebrows softened, he dared his arm about me.

“Two.” I repeated the gesture and retreated toward the mirror. He bit his smile. “And now,” I tried to swallow the quiver in my voice, “I need to go see what Maura is doing,” I excused myself, fleeing out the door into the parlor.

“Adriana.” I felt a sharp pain shoot through my upper arm as he swirled me to face him, forcing a kiss. He licked my clenched teeth as he pushed me down on the floor into a pile of whimpers. I felt my cheeks get warm; our silent struggle continued with him on top of me tracing my leg, throwing my skirts over my stomach. His breathing wasn't nearly as flustered as mine. His tight grip of my lower arms let only my legs free and I tried to kick his back since he was already in between them. I looked around in search for something to perhaps hit him, but there was only marble and chair legs staring back at me from between the stray strands of black hair in my vision. I caught Maura standing in front of the staircase with a frozen face. I panted a cry for help as my arms tried to keep him as far up as possible. She stood as still as the pillars beside her.

“Mau...Maura!” I screamed, whipping with my limbs. I heard him letting out a bestial hiss at Maura above me.

She seemed to come to life as if from a dream. “Please,” Maura pleaded, stepping closer and grabbing his shoulder. “Please, Master!” She tugged at his shoulder and pulled his sleeve, freeing one of my arms that he successfully managed to grab with the other hand.

“Maura!” He roared, glaring at her.

“Let her-” She was slung back against a chair. She let out a muffled whimper when her back hit it.

I felt his hand between my legs pinching me in his frenzy. The brief time it took for Maura to pick herself up to her feet felt like an aeon. I could not lock my eyes with Nico's and soon the helplessness started to wash over me. My body slowly numbed. I gave up with a final moan.

“Niccolo!” Maura shouted from behind my head. All three of us froze in motion. I slowly turned my head to Maura, her face swimming in anguish and back to Nico. I quickly crawled up into a sitting position in front of Maura, expecting a blow meant for her to hit me soon. Cracking my eyelids up, there he was, mere centimeters from my face, the green in his eyes blending with the blue as they swam in a deep ocean. His lips were slightly parted, his delicate nostrils flared when he sighed carefully and rose up to his feet. Casting us a brief look, he turned on his heel an marched out of the parlor, his footsteps echoing down the stairs. I heard him slam the door and after that his noises were lost in the shouting of street vendors and playing children.

My eyes were still wide from fear when I faced Maura again. Her expression was the same, and when it softened, I knew what we were both thinking.

Without a word I retreated to my bedroom, mumbling an excuse when Maura followed; I needed to sleep. My thoughts chewed at the insides of my head and gave me a headache. I violently stroked my fingers over my eyebrows and corrected them. I wasn't sufficient. He needed whores to see to his needs. What nerve he had. Never would it happen that I would suggest our room be shared again. No, he could keep himself to the whores.

Maura must have understood me to a degree. She didn't seek out to wake me or cheer me up. Instead I woke up about midnight by a heavy breath to the back of my neck and a cloud of alcoholic breath hitting me. A whimper escaped my throat. I was frozen with my hand under my head and his arms tangling about me harder and harder. I could do naught.

“What do you want?” He pronounced every syllable carefully, letting out a breath between every word.

Moments passed with the warmness against my skin and his fingers playing with my thin negligé. His hand cupped my breast before it reached my shoulder. A tingling feeling pulled at the muscles in my fingers. My heartbeat tore itself out of the prison of my chest against his arm, the fast pace swirling in my mind. I was afraid to swallow, afraid that I would cry and it would anger him.

“Adriana.” Nico turned me around carefully. Was that sympathy in his clean features? His beard was about to grow out and his hair tousled, but he was the every handsome Nico still, with the open poet's shirt and naked legs; I still could not bring myself to answer. He sat up, lighting the night table lamp and letting his head rest against the head of the bed. The smoke from the match danced in the moonlight and the yellow light spread around, bored itself into my eyes. He looked surprisingly sober when he hung his head and looked at me from under the veil of gold. I sat up out of sheer reflex, and the effects of the strong fear came to gradually wear off. I wasn't as scared as I was surprised when he slid his arm about my waist and pulled me close. His intense stare did nothing but drain the words out of me. I stammered apologies, although it felt like he had to be the one to beg for my forgiveness.

“I...” My mouth felt dry, my jaw stopping in the movement.

“Yes?” His eagerness pushed me.

“I...” Pausing, a long sigh passed my lips. I viewed the scenery outside the open windows. “I want to fly. I want to...I want to do things. Like you do. Like you do, I want to fly. I want to be a man!” My heated whisper escalated. “I want to...be a man.”