21 Steps on How to Ensure Perfect Credit

Disclaimer: Ifyouhaveweapons,Iamashamedofmyselfformakingreferencestoyoulimeyblokes.

1: You will need a credit card for this. We accept all cards except for American Express. Sorry you can’t use your weak-bummed card.

2: Buy something with your credit card.

3: Be sure to pay back all your bills on time.

4: If this is possible for you, skip to step 21, foam-face…

5: Yes, I did just say ‘foam-face’. This IS K+ rated, after all.

6: Ok, now that you can’t pay back your bills like a normal citizen, you’re credit is no longer prefect.

7: Go to your local Parks & Rec. Department and take a computer hacking course.

8: Now that you’ve wasted another hundred bucks, we’re going to find a new course of action.

9: The first plan is to use my guide (chapter 2) to take over the world. World dictators don’t need to have their credit monitored by weak underlings.

10: Here’s a second option. Go to Britain.

11: Check all the police boxes in the country until you find a Tardis.

12: Doctor Who won’t mind if you borrow it for a while. All those enemy aliens always seem to get their hands/ claws/ tentacles/ toilet plungers on them anyway…

13: Now that you have a time machine, you can travel around the universe and timeline, away from credit, and save lives.

14: Once you have LOL’D at the thought, continue onto the next step.

15: Teleport around the world and destroy all the fast food chains in existence.

16: In a year, everyone will become more fit. Well, those with money and credit cards, anyway.

17: No longer being grease-fed slobs, people will have more energy and work more efficiently together.

18: Wait, I forgot. Destroy energy drinks, the source of all evil.

19: Now everyone is nice to each other too.

20: We now have a ‘utopian’, socialist society. Anyone read The Giver?

21: Nonetheless, you have no need for money! Yay! Everyone has perfect credit!

-

Inspired by Dominic+Leo

Thank you for all your ideas!