i outline my features with the stroke

of my hand

picking and pulling

at each section that

disgusts,

infuriates,

saddens me into thinking

i'm not good enough.

there's nothing wrong with me

i constantly say

over

and

over

again,

in a sense i know there always is.

nibble,

nibble,

is all you hear

as i sit in front of our happy little family

at the table

that knows all of my secrets.

you never knew...

your ears are deaf

to the choking

late in the night;

sleeping in your bed

with the satisfaction of everything's alright

as i purge my body of

imperfection.

this image in the mirror

only fuels my desire more...

you never knew

that only i

skipped meals,

forgot to eat

when you werent around

but see,

i'll reassure your trust

i'm fine;

but all you see

is a smiling face

hiding behind hollow eyes

holding muted screams.

no more nibble nibble

as a rabbit to a carrot.

it's only...

i just need to lose a little weight is all

even is my skin engraves my bones

i'm almost there

just a little snippet left...

but i close my eyes

and slip away

into my perfect world

of

perfection...

November 8,2006