Summary: Clove has always been in love with him. He's always been in love with her older sister. A drunken one night stand seems to change everybody's mind about relationships and responsibilities to family.

Winter Temptations
Part I

Sex is more than an act of pleasure,
it's the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable
that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can't take it.
And at this moment you're a part of them.

“Fuck.” I gasped as I sat up in bed and ran my hands through my hair. Jesus, Mary and Joseph I hope that was a dream! I looked down and saw that I was naked. I usually slept naked, right? I grabbed my sheet and pulled it up around my chest. I looked beside me slowly and saw Saun lying there. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” I hissed as I jumped out of my bed and landed on the floor with a crash. My ass hurt really bad and I don’t think it was from the fall.

“Shut up Clove.” Saun murmured from where he was curled up against my pillow on my bed.

“What happened?” I hissed as I stood from the floor and stared at him

“We had sex.” Saun groaned as he stretched his arms and chest. I saw the blanket slide down his torso. I gaped at him in confusion and denial. There was no way we could have had… “Lots and lots of sex.” he continued with a smirk as he folded his hands behind his head and stared at me.

There was a party at my house last night and I think I made a big mistake.

When I'm good, I've very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.
Mae West

“Clove!” my mother called from the bottom of the marble staircase in our home. I was surprised I could hear her shrill call from my bedroom. It must be the high ceilings which caused voices to, unfortunately, echo.

I slumped out of my room and walked across the hall to peer over the balcony at the chaotic scene below.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“You mean ‘yes’.” my mother corrected. I rolled my eyes at her classy style and need for perfection.

“Yes?”

“Chamomile just arrived with Tommy, come help them with their bags.” she demanded as she went back to ordering around the caterers and decorators that had been hired for the party that night. I sighed but complied with what she asked. I slowly made my way downstairs. My sister, Chamomile, and her husband were visiting for the holidays and arrived just in time for my mothers annual winter gala. It was the biggest event in our moderate sized town and was talked about for weeks afterwards. Everybody who was anybody came. I just saw it as an excuse for the adults and well trained teenagers to get drunk and make fools of themselves. I’ve been blessed with the ability to make just enough of an appearance to be passable for my mom while actually staying far away from everyone.

“Hey Clove,” my sister greeted me as she waddled out of their rented Bently. My sister was currently seven months pregnant with twins and looked like a blown up balloon.

“Hey sis,” I stood with my arms crossed watching as Tommy unloaded their bags.

“Give me a hug, Clove.” Chamomile’s fake smile and overly cheerful voice was painstakingly annoying. I pasted a smile on my face and walked into her embrace for a quick, tight, hug. “The neighbors are watching.”

Of course.

We released each other and wore identical smiles. Neither of which were real.

“Hurry up Tommy.” Chamomile snapped as she walked past me and slowly made her way up our stairs. Thank god the neighbors couldn’t hear us.

“Hey kiddo.” Tommy greeted as he walked past me with his arms laden with suitcases. I smiled in reply. If the neighbors weren’t watching he wouldn’t have laid a finger on any of those suitcases. Appearances were everything in this family. You simply didn’t let them fail.

“Clove, get up here and help me.” my sister shrieked almost identical to my mothers. I gritted my teeth together and turned to comply. Everything was about obedience and image in my family. ‘The neighbors are watching’ is used more often than the lords prayer. We eat and breathe everything that has to do with our family image.

From the outside we appear to be the picture perfect family. Five kids who are well behaved and successful in life with excellent manners (thanks to etiquette school). Chelsey, my oldest brother, attended Princeton. He graduated with his lawyers’ certificate and was head of his class. Chamomile married Tommy, a successful senator’s son, after college where she got her teaching degree in political science. Casper, my second oldest brother, recently returned from living in Hades for two years where he was doing missionary work for our church.

My younger sister, Cinnamon, was recently awarded Young Musician of the Year for the third year in a row. She’s the first violinist in the city youth orchestra and number one in the state with piano. She’s also fourteen. And me? Clove (my mom had a thing for weird names, preferably spices). Well I was accepted early to Yale, though I hardly know what I’m going to major in. I’m top in my senior class at Mount Bridge Academy, second only to the notorious Saun Denver. My father is a judge in the Supreme Court. My mother is an ex-movie star who passed along her adorable good looks to all of her children. We’re a gorgeous family. We’re loved by the community. We’ve been awarded Family of the Year for seven years in a row.

On the outside we look like a doll house, pristine and perfect, with everything and everybody in its place. On the inside...we’re a dysfunctional chaotic mob about to erupt.

I grabbed my sisters’ arm and helped her up the last few stairs. As soon as we were inside and the door had closed behind us she yanked her arm from my hold and began yelling at the closest person she saw. Tommy dropped the suitcases in the entry way and left. They were picked up by our butler, Manny, as Tommy made his way to the den where he would be watching ESPN for the large duration of their stay.

I sighed and made my way back upstairs. I was stalled at the top by Cinnamon, my little sister.

“Come here my new piece.” she insisted dully as she surveyed the commotion below. Decorations for our holiday gala were being put up everywhere. Our Christmas tree was being installed by our maids. Garland and tinsel were being produced around the railing of the stairwell and above the entryways to every room. Mistletoe was hung over the top of the front door, which I made a mental note in the back of my mind never to answer. With the amount of time and care that was put into our house it looked like the Macy’s store during Christmas time.

“Yeah, lets go.” I said as I turned away from the glamorous sight and followed my sister. Her studio was set up in our attic. It was the only place our mother, father, as well as our older siblings, with the exception of Casper, and basically anyone in our household would go. So it was perfect.

My parents had gone away one weekend which gave us the opportunity to sneak an upright piano into the attic so Cinnamon could have some solitude every once in a while instead of being made to play on the L-grand my mother conveniently set up in the middle of the living room. We climbed up the last staircase and emerged into our haven. I collapsed in the butterfly chair as Cin took the piano bench. She began playing the new Beethoven piece she’d been working on for a few weeks now. Apparently she had it finished because she only played for me when she had songs perfect.

An hour later after listening to four more of her songs we were summoned downstairs to get ready. Dinner was in an hour and we had to look presentable for the few guests that would arrive earlier than expected. They always did. My mom hated it but was always respectful. I secretly think they do it on purpose to irk her.

“Hey Casper.” I greeted as I walked by his open door. He was pacing his room grabbing things and throwing his clothes around. He looked worried as he searched underneath piles of books and blankets, like he had lost something important and needed to get it back before somebody else found it. “Looking for something?”

“No, I’m just tearing apart my bedroom for fun.” he snapped back. Casper and I usually got along pretty well. He hadn’t been home in two years so there hadn’t been any reason for us to fight while he was gone, and now that he’s returned we’re both mature enough to speak to each other like adults. Sort of.

“Don’t snap at me,” I muttered with a glare toward him.

He sighed and threw down the pile of clothes he was holding. “I’m sorry Clove, it’s just. I need what I’m looking for, desperately.”

“Are they drugs?” I asked not really thinking that’s what he meant.

“Shhh,” Casper said covering my mouth with his hand. My eyes went wide as I stared at him. He really was doing drugs! “God if mom heard you say that she’d have my hide for a rug.”

“Are you crazy!” I hissed as he released me after shutting the door and making sure no one was in the hallway. “Since when do you do drugs?”

“What do you think I did in Hades for two years?” Casper chuckled and continued to look around his room. “Missionary work?”

“Uh, yeah that’s what you told us you were doing.” I said with an annoyed roll of my eyes.

“Sure, so mom would pay for everything.” Casper shrugged and grinned.

“So you’ve spent two years in Hades, getting high off of marijuana, and mom paid for everything.” I stated just so I made sure I had the facts straight.

“Well, there was a shit load of alcohol and some really pretty girls that actually were doing missionary work, but you know, they loosened up once they realized they were going to be staring at the same geeks for two years and I was as good as it got.” he grinned. Casper was by no means geeky or ugly. Like I said, we all inherited our mothers’ looks. Tall, trim, blonde (nice busts for us girls), green eyes, and perfect acne free tan skin.

“Genius.” I murmured as I stared at my brother. “I’ll let you go back to your frantic drug search, dinners in an hour.” I turned to leave his room and stopped when I saw a small baggie on the top of his dresser. I picked it up and smiled. Casper was such an idiot sometimes. “Here you go,” I tossed him the baggie as I opened the door and left. He looked up in surprise and caught it with a grin as I left. I heard him chuckling as I made my way down the hall.

I changed into my knee length black dress with chiffon underneath which was extremely scratchy. The pattern had white polka dots on it and was a halter top cut. I placed a black cardigan over my shoulders, because it was improper to show my shoulders (according to my mother), a thick white belt which I wore high on my waist and heels. I pulled my wavy brown hair (which I’d died out of rebellion) half up and pinned it with a butterfly clip. I applied my makeup and sprayed some Brittany Spears perfume. Chamomile once told me it made me smell like I’d been having a rousing round of sex. I’ve continued to wear it religiously since then.

Cinnamon and I sat on the top of our stair case with our legs dangling over the edge between the railings as we watched the guests begin to arrive. There were the Calhoun’s. My mother hated them. The Blacks with their three children, who looked like miniatures of each other. The Darlings with their daughter who was a pristine china doll back from a year in Japan. The Marc’s who were more stuck up and classy then our own family. Everybody moved into the entertainment room as more and more people began to arrive. Cinnamon sighed when she saw some of the kids her own age arriving. The people I usually hung out with had arrived a long time ago but I was avoiding them. I hated functions like this.

“I’ll see you later Clove.” Cinnamon said as she stood, smoothed down her skirt and made her way down the stairs.

I sighed and heard the doorbell ring as I was coming down the stairs to follow my sister. It didn’t look like anybody was going to answer it since they were busy serving drinks and entertaining guests. I walked over and pulled open the door with a smile on my face.

“Merry Christmas!” came the voices of Mr. and Mrs. Denver as they held up presents which were either for my parents or us kids. They each held a bag that was full of things so I was betting that they were for us kids. Yeah. I loved presents.

“Welcome.” I said as I moved aside for them to come inside. I grimaced for a second as their son Saun followed them inside. He stopped in front of me and smirked as his parents began to remove their coats and hand them to the maids that had finally arrived to help.

“Merry Christmas Clover.” He smirked as he removed his thick black coat revealing the black button up shirt, black dress pants and blue silk tie that he wore. I had to admit he looked good. His brown curly hair was recently cut short and his blue eyes shown against his tie. I’d had a crush on the arrogant Saun Denver since third grade. It was actually more of a crush by now. Yes, I was in love with Saun. The only problem was that he was crazy about my sister. My sister that was married and pregnant. Yeah, it’s a strange situation.

“The name is Clove.” I corrected him as I shut the door behind him.

“Oh look how cute you two are!” Mrs. Denver said with a cry as she raised her arms as if to hug us and pulled out her digital camera. It was a new toy for her and since Mrs. Denver loved her toys she had to show it off. “Alright, now you need to kiss.”

Kiss!

What?

What in the hell was she talking about?

“Mom are you crazy?” Saun said with a laugh. I wanted to scowl at that but I didn’t. I’m suppose to hate Saun, remember? You and Saun will never be anything so stop loving him and start hating him.

“Mrs. Denver, Saun and I aren’t in a relationship like that, we’re not going to kis–” I tried to explain.

“It’s mistletoe, silly. You’re supposed to kiss underneath it.” Mrs. Denver exclaimed with a wave of her hand toward the ceiling. I looked above us and saw the mistletoe that Manny had hung above the door earlier. I glared toward it with a sigh.

Damn.

I should have remembered that.

I looked up at Saun, who stood a good five inches taller than me, and waited for his move. I wasn’t going to do anything unless he did.

“Merry Christmas Clover,” Saun murmured again as he cupped his hand against my cheek and leaned toward me. I pulled back for a second but Saun held tight. I could hear Mrs. Denver’s camera going off in her hands as she watched us with a sigh of gross encouragement. She’s always liked me. Saun smirked into my lips as he kissed me. I tried to resist but only ended up giving in. I returned his kiss twice before I pulled away. It was better this way though. I wouldn’t be hurt this way.

Saun smirk grew, if that were possible, and wiped my lips with his thumb. “Don’t expect a present now.”

“Bite me.” I muttered and pasted a smile back on my face as Mrs. Denver continued to snap away at her camera. I posed for a few pictures before I turned away and walked into the crowd that was beginning to form my mothers’ party. I grabbed a martini off of one of the serving trays and sipped from it. I told you, well trained teenagers, we know how to swipe alcohol and how to pull it off as if we aren’t drunk.

Three hours, six martinis and two vodka tonics later I walked into the living room to see a crowd of people my own age. I walked up to join them with a smile spread across my face. That was a genuine smile because I was wasted. When I’m wasted my true feelings come out.

I sidled up to my friend Sam and peered around the circle. Chamomile stood in between Tommy and Saun as a circle of our semi-close friends stood around them gossiping and drinking themselves silly. I think Chamomile was the only sober person there. She wasn’t allowed to drink because of her pregnancy.

I looked at Saun beside her and studied him. He stared at Chamomile as if she were the most precious and important thing in the world. He listened to every word that she said and replied with more interest than I had ever seen him have before. He was so in love with her and it broke my heart. I once gave that same type of devotion to Saun. I learned not to care though. It was a hard lesson but I forced myself to do it.

The attention Saun gave to Chamomile was the same attention and care that she gave to Tommy and that Tommy returned. Chamomile’s life was all about Tommy. She knew about Saun’s feelings for her and she couldn’t have cared less. She strung him along and made him believe that she cared about what he had to say and what he wanted to tell her. She didn’t care. She couldn’t give a crap less. Chamomile cared about herself and only herself. And since Tommy made her happy and put up with her crap then she was happy. She would always be happy with Tommy and Saun just couldn’t see that, or didn’t want to.

I downed the rest of my vodka tonic and grimaced at the sight of Saun. He was a love sick puppy yearning for a tiger that didn’t want him.

I felt the same way about Saun.

Dammit.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a pitcher of strong margarita mix that sat on the counter. I took a gulp of it and grimaced. It tasted terrible. At least I think it tasted terrible. I really had to sense of taste anymore.

My heel caught on the edge of the counter as I stumbled past it. In turn I spilled about half the margarita mix on my dress. Damn. I really liked this dress too. Now I was going to have to send it out for dry cleaning.

And a shower.

I need a shower.

I made my way upstairs to my bathroom and opened the door. I placed my pitcher on the counter and used the toilet first. I always had to use to the toilet before I took a shower. I finished washing my hands when the bathroom door opened. Oops, guess I forgot to lock it.

I glared when I saw who it was though.

“Ugh, what do you want Denver?” I gasped with annoyance as I held my pitcher and took a gulp. It tasted terrible. At least I’m assuming it did.

“Nothing from you Shields” Denver hissed. He stumbled into the bathroom and locked the door behind himself as he pushed me aside to use the toilet. He sighed with relief as he urinated. I grimaced and took another large gulp of my mix.

“You should stop drinking.” Denver warned zipping up his fly and turning toward me.

“Fuck off.” I hissed. He was the reason I was drinking in the first place. If he wasn’t so in love with my sister and gave somebody else, say me, a chance for once then I would stop drinking. Until that day comes, which will be never, I’m going to drink myself crazy if only to rid any thoughts and feelings about the ever hateful Saun Denver.

“Wow, I didn’t know you harbored such strong feelings about me Shields.” Saun grinned.

Oops.

Maybe I said that out loud.

I snorted in disgust. “I don’t. I merely find you tolerable.”

“You just said–”

“What I just said has no relevance because I’m extremely intoxicated.” I burped and smiled.

“Fine, then nothing I say matters either.”

“You’re not intoxicated.”

“I’ve had quite a bit to drink as well, Clove.”

“Oh well awesome. The more drunk people the merrier!”

“But you’re agreed that nothing I say counts, right?”

“Nope, because you’re just strung up on my sister.”

“So?”

“For heaven sake Saun!” I hissed as my temper flared. I set my margarita mix down on the counter and glared at him. “Open your pretty blue eyes and look around! She’s. Not. Into. You! She’s never going to be into you. In fact, most of her self hates you with a burning passion. She’s married and having babies and she doesn’t want you! Get over it!”

“And what about you?” Saun shot back just as quickly as I’d finished. My head whipped back as I didn’t expect a retort from him. I thought he’d take it, cry a little bit from being drunk, and go about his merry way. But apparently he was furious and speaking his mind “Your standing here telling me to get over your sister and you won’t even admit that you’re in love with me!”

I shrugged calmly. “So?”

“So you’re just like me! We both have to get over what we can’t have.”

Well if that wasn’t a slap in the face I don’t know what was. It hurt. I admit it stung to hear Saun telling me that I’d never have him. But that wasn’t the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I’d learned that I wouldn’t have him a long time ago. Hearing it from the donkey’s mouth was what hurt.

“No, there’s a big difference between you and me, Saun. Whereas, you sit and pine for my sister all the time, I have a life. Yes, I like you but you don’t consume my mind like I know my sister consumes yours.”

That’s a lie.

“If we don’t’ end up together I’ll be just fine. I may want you in my life but I don’t need you in my life.”

Another lie.

“I can go and find someone who’s going to appreciate me and treat me the way I should be treated.”

True. But there won’t be the same excitement in dating them like there would be with Saun.

“Unlike you who will forever watch from the sidelines as my sister leads her happy life with her husband and you sit alone in your two million dollar apartment, wishing you had her. That’s the difference between you and me. You are needy.”

There was a silence between us in the bathroom. I was leaning against the wall with my arms crossed lazily and drunkenly over my chest, which was beginning to pop out of my dress. I watched him. He stood a few feet away saying nothing and simply staring at me. I scoffed and pushed myself away from the wall. Apparently the conversation was done.

“I’m not needy, Shields.” Saun replied with his teeth clenched together.

“Yes you are.” I replied staring at him. He walked toward me and grabbed my waist as he pushed his body against mine. I trembled as heat flooded between our bodies and my stomach turned into knots. I was nervous for some reason. Why was Saun treating me like this? Why was he acting like he wanted something?

“I’m not needy.” he replied again more slowly as he leaned down and whispered into my ear. I felt his breath tickle my skin and shivered. Goose bumps appeared along my skin and I could almost feel him smirk against my neck.

“Then what do you call this?” I asked as I whispered into his ear. I don’t know what caused me to bite down on his ear lobe, but something did and I did. His mouth fell open and he sighed heavily into my neck.

“Wanting.” he replied as he lifted his head back and looked at me. I melted into his baby blue eyes. Man why did he have to be so damn good looking? I really wanted to wipe that smirk off his face. Mostly with my own mouth, but I don’t think that would go over so well. Or maybe it would.

“I like being wanted.” I murmured against his mouth as our lips hovered over each other. We hadn’t kissed properly yet, but the urge was definitely there.

I pushed Saun away from me with a small frown on my face. I couldn’t do things like this. I couldn’t be with someone when I was drunk. Not that I knew what it was really like to be with someone. I was most likely the only virgin left in my school.

“If we’re done here I’d like to take a shower and since I’m apparently unable to have you I’d appreciate it if you left and went to oogle at my happy pregnant sister some more.” I hissed as I turned away from him and started to take off my dress. I was still drunk and somehow thought he’d left as I turned on the shower and watched the hot water pour into our tiled shower with its fogged glass door.

I felt an arm snack its way around my naked waist. I jumped a foot in the air before I settled into his hold and leaned my back against his chest. Alcohol was not a good choice that night. Saun leaned down and kissed my shoulder. He made his way to my neck where he bit down and sucked. I moaned with pleasure. His hands worked below to help remove my lacy pair of black boy shorts that I had been wearing and the black strapless bra. His lips felt amazing against my skin. I shivered at his touch.

When I opened my eyes I saw the hot water from the shower nozzle. It was entrancing. I moved from his arms and stepped into the water. It flowed around me like a drug. I drank in the steam and ran my hands through my hair and down my body.

I turned and saw Saun watching me with a blank stare. Looking farther south made me realize he really enjoyed watching me. I smiled and offered him a hand. He slowly removed his tie and unbuttoned his shirt so I could see that body God and two personal trainers gave him. He slid out of his shoes and unbuckled his pants as a smile spread across my face. A few slow seductive minutes later he stood naked in all his glory with his hands braced against the door of the shower. I had to admit he was well endowed. I grinned and offered him my hand again.

He took it and stepped into the shower that was barley big enough to hold both of us. I slid the door shut behind him and wrapped my arms around his neck. His hands found my waist as he leaned down and kissed my collar bone. I gasped at the feeling of his lips against my warm skin. He lifted me by my thighs and pushed me against the wall as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

He pulled back and looked at my face. His eyes were seductive. If mine weren’t so glazed over I could have gotten lost in them. I leaned down and kissed his mouth. He didn’t respond to my lips. I felt rejected at first. Then I felt his tongue slid in between my lips and I smiled.

I was kissing Saun Denver.

Naked.

In my shower.

I knew this wasn’t going to go anywhere good.

Sex is an emotion in motion
Mae West

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I crouched on the floor and grabbed my head. Why the hell couldn’t I find my clothes? I can’t find my clothes in my own damn room! “This cannot be happening.” I screeched.

“Would you relax?” Saun called from my bed where he was still snuggling against my pillows.

“Relax!” I stopped and stared at him. “Obviously this has meant nothing to you but for someone like me, loosing my virginity on a drunken night to an asshole like you is the worst scenario I could ever imagine!”

Saun sat up in bed and stared at me with question. “You were a virgin? Damn you were amazing.”

I smiled at that. He thought I was good in bed!

Stop.

Wrong thing to think.

“I hate you!” I screeched. “Get out of my bed! Get out of my room! Leave me alone. Oh god I need a shower.”

Saun glared and threw off my covers as he stepped out of bed. I gasped and closed my eyes against his naked body that was advancing upon me. His body was intoxicating and wasn’t something I should be looking at now.

Flashes of the previous night flew through my mind.

Saun’s hands roaming my skin.

His lips sucking my breast.

The hot water flowing over us.

His tongue exploring every crevice and crack.

The thrusting of his pelvis against mine.

My first orgasm.

His orgasm.

The stroking and petting.

The lust.

The craving.

The need.

The want.

Without realizing what I was doing I’d grabbed the back of Saun’s neck and kissed him hard. I wanted him again. I wanted him inside of me again. I needed him inside of me again. I needed his intoxicating aura around me.

Saun’s mouth responded quickly. His tongue slipped inside of my mouth. When his tongue entered again I grabbed it lightly with my teeth and sucked. He moaned. I felt him go hard between my thighs. I pulled away from him. We were both breathing heavily. He smiled and chuckled which made me grin. I pushed him back hard. He fell onto the bed in a spread eagle position and cocked an eyebrow at me. I dropped the sheet from my body and slowly crawled on top of him so I straddled his waist. He ran his hands along my thighs and waist, up to my chest where he cupped my breasts in both hands.

I pulled my hair out of my face and ran my hands up his chest as I leaned down toward him. We kissed once, twice, a third time slower and more seductively.

“I thought this was the worst scenario ever?” Saun whispered as I traced his neck and collar bone with my lips and tongue.

I don’t know what had gotten into me either. Where the bravery and lust had come from but I didn’t feel like stopping. “I can stop if you want.” I said as my hand ventured lower to pleasure him.

“Uh, no.” Saun stammered as his hands clenched the sheets and his eyes rolled to the top of his head. Apparently he was enjoying that.

A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are
Victor Lownes

“Clove!”

Oh no.

I sat up in bed with a gasp and looked around as Saun’s arm fell from my stomach. It was four o’clock in the afternoon. Usually the time when my mom walked around the house waking up everyone and taking orders for dinner. I looked over at Saun and smiled. He was so cute when he slept.

My head did a double take.

Saun.

Sleeping in my bed.

My mom.

Coming to my room.

Then I remembered what had happened. I seduced Saun again. We had sex and then fell asleep. Again. This was not good.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I hissed and jumped out of bed to find my clothes. This time I didn’t care if Saun saw me naked. He pretty much knew everything about my body by then.

“You have got to stop waking up that way. I have to admit it’s a major blow to my ego.” Saun murmured as he rolled over in bed.

“You won’t have an ego left to blow if my mother catches you naked in my bed.” I hissed as I pulled on a tank top and threw my hair back into a ponytail.

Saun swore and fell out of my bed. I laughed for a second before pulling on my skirt and slipping on some low heels. Saun scrambled to his feet and yanked on his pants. I threw him his shirt which he caught and yanked on as my mother walked through the door.

“Oh, Saun. Hello. I didn’t know you were over.” my mother said gracefully as she glanced between the two of us who stood about twenty feet apart. My mother was decked out in a silk Japanese robe and matching slippers. Her hair was up in rollers and covered with a hairnet; she wore her fat cat-eye glasses and held a nasty tonic drink of her own creation in a martini glass complete with celery stick. My mother, the wreckage after the storm.

“Hello Mrs. Shields.” Saun greeted.

“Oh dear lord, don’t call me that. I’ve been divorced from my husband for seven years. I just live with the bastard for appearances sake.” my mother took a gulp of her drink and grimaced. “So you two kids having fun?”

“Uh, yeah.” Saun responded as I nodded.

“What have you been doing?” she asked with an air of innocence though I could smell a tint of suspicion.

What was I suppose to tell my mother?

I’ve been having sex with my supposed worst enemy for the past eighteen odd hours.

“Science project.”

“English project.” Saun said at the same time I had.

“I don’t care. I just–” she shook her head and stopped as she stared at something on the ground. I glanced at where she was looking and froze. My eyes grew to be the size of saucers. Saun’s boxers lay on the ground by my bed. They were blue and white plaid with his initials embroidered by the hem. We were so dead.

“Wa–uh–those–um” Saun stuttered as my mother held up a hand for silence.

“I don’t care what you two are doing nor do I want to hear any excuse you could possibly supply, as long as you’re using condoms. You, young lady, are going on birth control tomorrow and I’m going to make myself another drink. Now, do you want chicken or steak for dinner?”

“Steak.” we both answered looking anywhere but at my mother and each other.

My mother gave a short smile and nod before letting herself out of my room and shutting the door behind herself.

“Fuck it all.” I hissed as I released the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.

“What’s the matter? We obviously have her blessing.” Saun laughed and fell back onto my bed with a sigh.

“Oh get a life. My mother is a divorced maniac living in the allusion of a perfect family and too drugged up on medications she really doesn’t need in order to bring some meaning to her sad pathetic life. She’s only tolerating this thing we have going on because she knows she did much worse when she was my age, is probably happy that I’m finally fucking somebody, and will most likely hound me for details later on to suffice her non-existent love life which is disgusting for me to think about my mother wanting precise details on my sexual life.” I snapped and walked out of my bedroom and down the hall to the guest bathroom. I don’t think going into my bathroom was a good idea. Too many memories. I’m going to have to have it sanitized before I go in there again. Saun followed me.

“What so wrong with someone having a blessing toward us?” Saun asked. I stopped and turned to stare at him.

“There is no ‘us’, Saun. You’re in love with my sister!”

“And you’re in love with me.” Saun smirked as if he’d won and the fight was settled.

“So? Doesn’t make a difference, does it?” I crossed my arms over my chest and glared.

“Why?” Saun asked with a glance to his side. I saw Cinnamon walk out of her room holding a few pieces of sheet music. She looked at the sight of Saun and I glaring at each other and gave a low whistle. I rolled my eyes and changed my course heading to downstairs. I was seriously starving. A snack before dinner wouldn’t be too bad.

“Why doesn’t it make a difference?” I spat as Saun caught up to me and grabbed my arm as he spun me around to face him.

“Yes, why?”

“It makes a difference because I’m not about to put myself through a relationship that only has one half in love. I’m not going to be like my parents where my father is madly in love with my mother who couldn’t give a damn about him because she’s too wrapped up in perfecting her image and having a hundred affairs with younger men. That’s why it makes a difference. That’s why it matters. Because we both know you don’t feel the same for me as I feel for you and I’m not going to continue putting myself through that heartache. I just–” I stopped and stared behind Saun where I saw my father looking back at me. He had a blank look on his face as he gently took of his glasses and watched.

“Daddy, I–” he held up a hand in silence and closed his eyes. I’d really screwed up this time. He’d heard everything I said. I can’t believe I said all of that in the open for my entire family to hear. I looked up at the banister and saw Casper leaning over the edge with Cinnamon and Tommy. They all had looks of disappointment written on their faces. It was one thing to know about my parents sleeping in separate bedrooms for ten years, but it was something completely different to speak about it and throw it in their faces, like I’d just done.

“I’m–” I tried to say again but my father stopped me. He walked past me and down the hall toward his office where he shut the door with a soft click. I closed my eyes and turned to watch him leave. I saw my mother leaning against the door frame to the kitchen as she sipped her drink. She had a look of disappointment as well.

“Glad to see I’ve made such a good role model.” she murmured as she walked past me and up the stairs where she closed herself in her room. I clenched my teeth together in frustration and glared toward Saun who was the first one I saw.

“Nice one Clove.” Casper chuckled with a grin as he made his way downstairs. “Way to ruin the holiday spirit.”

“Fuck off Cass.” I said as he passed me. I could feel tears beginning to well up in my eyes. I refused to cry in front of Saun.

“Oh such a potty mouth you have young lady.” he responded. “Maybe Mr. Denver there can help you clean it out.”

“I hate you.” I replied as I looked back at Saun who simply stood with his hands shoved into his pockets and a calm expression on his face. He seemed to be studying me as I interacted with my family. I didn’t like the look he was giving me at all.

“Are you talking to me or your brother?” Saun asked as he pointed toward Casper’s retreating back.

“Both.” I turned and headed back upstairs to my room. Apparently coming out of it has gotten me in more trouble than staying inside fucking Saun. So I might as well go back inside, without Saun, of course. That was my plan but he didn’t feel like following it. Saun walked behind me the entire way and closed the door as we walked into the bedroom. I did not want him there.

“Get out.” I hissed as I turned and started collecting things around my room. It had clothes and belongings scattered around variously. Whenever I got aggravated or upset like I was I tended to clean, a lot.

“What are you doing?” he asked as he watched me scramble around my room and collect more and more clothes. They were starting to weigh me down as I refused to stop.

“I’m picking up my room. What does it look like I’m fucking doing?” I replied as I continued making my way around the room.

“Would you stop for a second?” he asked.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“What else am I suppose to do?” I spat toward him as I glared in his direction. Ugh, what was he doing here? I just wanted him gone. I was still remembering the previous night’s events and I just wanted to wash him from my body.

“Talk to me.”

“Talk to you?” I hissed again as I continued to glare. “Talk to you about what? About how I’ve screwed up, yet again, with my family or how we fucked numerous times last night and none of it means anything at all, and since when in the world to we talk, Saun? When have you ever talked to me outside of school, during which you make fun of me in some deceiving way.”

“Calm down Clove.” Saun tried to say as he walked toward me hoping for an embrace of some sort.

“No I will not calm down!” I replied as I dropped the pile of clothes I held and walked quickly toward the bathroom to avoid him. I was having a panic attack now. I couldn’t calm down or stop myself from doing something. My mind was racing a million miles a minute and I didn’t know how to stop. Saun, of course, followed me into the bathroom. “I’m taking a shower, get out!”

“I’ve been naked with you for the past twelve hours at least, you can undress in front of me. In fact why don’t I join you?” Saun replied reaching to take off his shirt.

I slapped his face before he could move farther and screamed. “GET OUT!”

Tears fell down my face before I could stop them. I couldn’t believe that I’d just slapped Saun. I couldn’t believe I’d slept with him last night. I couldn’t believe what was happening. Why was I so emotional? What was happening to me?

“Shh, calm down, calm down, it’s okay.” Saun murmured as he wrapped his arms around me. I clutched my arms to my chest and fell into his embrace.

I sobbed into his shirt for a good thirty minutes or so. I felt like the biggest baby. But he stayed the entire time. Every second I cried and every time I blew my nose he was there to comfort me and wipe my nose. Though he did make fun of me quite a lot.

After a while I calmed down enough to wipe my eyes and push him away from me.

“You should take a shower now. You reek of sex and snot.” Saun said as he turned to leave.

“Fuck you.” I replied.

“I believe you already have.” Saun smirked. “Three times, if I’m correct.”

He shut the door behind him with a soft click as I glared at his retreating back. I turned toward the shower and started it with a small smile on my face.

Three times?

I have been in more laps than a napkin
Mae West

I came out of the shower twenty minutes later with a towel wrapped around my torso and another around my hair. I had enjoyed that hot shower and tried not to think about the events going on in my family or with Saun. I’d even shaved my legs which felt amazing as I rubbed them together while walking.

I flipped my head over and began to dry out my hair with the towel. I threw the towel on the floor after getting out most of the water and stood straight again with my damp hair. I jumped when I spotted Saun lying on top of my bed which he’d made. I grabbed the towel around my torso which was beginning to slip and growled.

“You’re still here?” I asked as I turned away from him and tried to dry off without showing too much skin.

“I never leave when there’s steak for dinner.”

“Funny.”

“Once again princess, I’ve seen you naked. Just change without acting too dorky and then we’ll talk.” Saun smirked from his position on my bed where he reclined with his hands behind his head.

I had to fight the smile that spread across my face. It eventually won and I dropped my towel while walking to my dresser. I could feel Saun’s eyes on my body as he watched me walk around getting dressed. I put on a cute pink lacy bra and boy short set and found my favorite pair of jeans. I went to my closet and pulled out a black sweater that I loved and slipped it on as I walked toward the bed. I crawled onto it and fell into the crevice of Saun’s arm that he had held out for me. We lay together on the bed for some time in silence. I had my arm resting against his chest as my head lay by his shoulder. I felt his chest rise and fall and matched my breathing to his own. It was comfortable to lay there with him.

I felt him lean over and kiss me on top of my head. It reminded me of what Casper did the morning he left for Hades. He wasn’t a very emotional guy and didn’t like showing anything if he could help it. We’d even fought the night before he left. So when he hugged me and kissed me on top of my head it made me feel like our relationship would survive.

I looked up at Saun and waited for him to say something. Before either of us could start there was a soft knock on my door. I looked as my mother walked into the room, still dressed in her earlier outfit, and stopped when she spotted us.

“Oh,” she said softly with a tint of sadness as she stared at us. I moved away from Saun and got off the bed before walking toward her. I had to apologize for what I said earlier.

“Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to–” she held up a hand for silence and handed me a small, round package of birth control pills.

“I thought you could start using mine since I don’t really need them anymore. I’ve only continued taking them because they keep my period regular.” she said. Her voice sounded small and far away. I wanted to cry at the thought that I’d made my mom upset and that she had been crying. I didn’t like disappointing her. I may complain every once in a while but I still loved my mom and cared for her.

“I’m sorry. Please, know that I’m sorry.” I whispered as a few tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t stand watching her avoiding my glance as she wrapped her robe around her body. I could see tears in her eyes as well.

“Your parents called a little while ago, Saun.” my mom said as she avoided my glance and looked at Saun. “I told them you were here and having dinner with us.” she gave a forced smile before she turned to look at me. I wanted to cry. She’d been through so much in her life I couldn’t believe I’d thrown it in her face like that. “I have a doctor’s appointment on Monday. I think you should come with me just to get checked out.”

I nodded as a few tears fell from my face. I looked at the ground and couldn’t meet her eyes. I didn’t want to see the shame on her face. Even though she’d led her life loosely she still wanted what was best for us.

“Take one of those now.” She hissed before she turned and left the room with her hand over her mouth to cover her gasps as she cried. I watched her leave while crying and fiddled with the pills in my hand. I popped one out of it casing and swallowed it quickly before staring at the wall.

“I think we should talk.” Saun said from the bed. I continued to stare at the wall as I refused to face him and cry again.

“Talk about what? Our non-existent relationship?” I muttered as I tossed the pills onto my dresser and wiped my face before turning toward him. I wondered what he was going to say to that. I really didn’t want to fight but I felt like that was the direction this conversation was going to go.

“Is that what you want? A non-existent relationship?” Saun asked as I walked toward the bed and stood in front of it with my arms crossed.

“I don’t think what I want is relevant in this conversation.” I said as I studied my cuticles.

“Well it’s fifty-percent of the decision so I think it’s relevant enough.” Saun said with a roll of his eyes.

“You heard what I had to say earlier. Or did you miss the display in the foyer?”

“No I definitely caught the matinee performance.”

“Shut up.” I hissed. I didn’t see how he could be so calm about this. I was freaking out inside. I was emotional and confused. I’d dreamt of being with Saun for years and now that there was a possibility to be with him I had to wonder if it were too good to be true.

“Clove.” Saun said softly from the bed. I looked up slowly and met his eyes. The ferociousness of his blue orbs seared through mine as I stared at him. He was so good looking it killed me. I couldn’t believe I’d fallen for someone like him. Saun hadn’t had a relationship in the entire eighteen years that I’d know him. He only had ‘friends’. Never anything serious and never anything that lasted more than a few weeks.

“I’m not going to be another one of your flings.” I said before he could continue. “I’m not going to become someone you can sleep with but disregard whenever you’re tired or bored. I won’t do that to myself.”

“I know.” Saun whispered as he climbed off the bed and walked around to face me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me toward him. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held him in his hug as we stood there. I could still smell his cologne from the night before against his black shirt even though he smelled terribly like sweat. “I want a relationship. A real relationship.” he whispered against my face.

I pulled back and stared at him in disbelief. Was Saun really saying these things to me? Was I really hearing him properly? This was such a weird night that I couldn’t decipher what was real and what wasn’t.

“I’m not going to be a substitute for my sister.” I muttered. I felt like I had to get everything out in the open before I went into anything with Saun. It wouldn’t be good for our relationship, if we have one, if I had all these confusing thoughts and feelings still inside of me.

“What?” Saun asked confused as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “What are you talking about?”

“Chamomile. I’m not going to be a replacement for her. I’m not going to be used while you still pine for her and somehow wish I was her. Because I’m not, and I’m not going to pretend to be and I don’t want to be used like that.” I stated as I pulled away from him and waited. This was the guy I had known for eighteen years and who’d always been in love with my sister. I wanted to know where we stood now and what he thought of us. I prayed to God that he wasn’t thinking about her.

“I gave up on your sister months ago, Clove. I’m not doing this to replace her with you.” he stated as he stared at me.

“Then why have you been acting like a love sick puppy around her?” I asked.

“You gave up on me yet still harbored some feelings, right?” he stated. I nodded in reply as he smirked. “I’ve known for a long time that Chamomile was never going to have the same feelings for me that I had for her and I knew that you’ve had the feelings for me that I once wished she did. I realized that if I ever wanted to be happy in life then I’d better start finding someone new. And one day, I looked up in Chemistry and there you were. Mixing your ingredients to perfection and glaring toward me. The only way to get closer to you was to pretend to still be in love with Chamomile. Because I got to talk to you and make you mad at the same time. And I have to admit that you’re dead sexy when you’re mad.” Saun said as he walked forward and entangled me in his arms. He pulled me close against his body and ran his hands down my waist and thighs. I grinned and ran my hands up his arms.

“You are a conniving little bastard. Do you know that?” I asked as I grinned up at him.

“Quite aware.” he murmured in reply as he bent down and kissed me. I grinned against his lips and responded to his kiss slowly.