I wish I could just be good enough for them.
Just once.

They tell me they’re proud,
But I don’t ever truly believe it.

Every time I do something right,
They just say ‘Keep it up.’
Never ‘We’re so proud of you, we admire what you do.’

They don’t understand how much I want to just make them happy.
They don’t understand how much pressure I’m under.
They don’t understand that the pressure comes from them.

I feel like they take me for granted, like it would be a mistake for me to be human.
The slightest slip-up would make me less in their eyes.
If I falter, then there’s something wrong.
One mistake is all it would take.

That one hard year, when everything was destroyed.
It all fell apart.
Tears every night, misery with myself, anger at the rest of the world, even at them.
But then, they didn't mind.

They put up with me then.
They understood me more then, when I wasn't even myself.
When I was this angry, uncaring, apathetic monster, they understood me more than they do now.

Do they realize how much that hurts?

Now that I'm happy again, now that I'm enjoying life, it isn't enough.
They want me to go back to being a robot.
They want me to just go through the motions.

I'm finally living my life.
I'm happy again.
I care about things.
I want things.
I want happiness.
I care enough to work hard.

I'm almost proud of myself.

But now that I have my life back in my own hands, I'm not enough.

They want me to be perfect, but I don’t think I ever will be.
At least not in their eyes.

Why am I never enough?

Will they ever understand?

---

Angst. I know. Pretty unusual for me. I had a pretty big fight with my parents tonight, and this just poured out of me. I hope it doesn't suck. It's probably pretty cheesy and overdone. But oh well. It's how I feel right now. Tomorrow I'll probably look back at this and wonder where all of that depression came from. Who knows. Anyways, since this is so unusual for me, I would love some constructive criticism or advice.