I am seated next to you,

your eyes on mine, I cannot do

or say anything, caught in your gaze

a deer in headlights, I am dazed

violent green and blue and grey

and I try to look away

studying my converse, black with white

my fingers fisted, toes curled tight

body responding badly to

the addiction-even though we’re through

I find it hard to trick my mind

my heart won’t let my body lie.

You’re bangs have fallen in your face

you gaze at me through the brown waves

I blush and almost stutter out

the truth-an unbearable urge to shout

has welled within my shapeless chest

heart fluttering within my breast

my tongue is dry and rough to touch

but maybe you won’t mind to much

you lean in-go for the kill-

and I try to envision what will

happen now-a kiss, a touch

it’s a little too late and a little too much

we pull up short, almost there

your eyes lingering on what I wear

I’m waiting for a signal, show me

what you want, because you know me

and that I’d do anything for you

if it was what I wanted too.

The hunger in my mind

must be showing through my eyes,

and you grin as our lips graze

and we are finally face to face

first time in weeks that I’ve seen you

and look at what I’ve managed to

do-a quiet hush has filled our ears,

more silence than I’ve heard in years,

and we pull away, look away,

wondering who’ll be the first to say

anything-the room around us

filled with kids studying us

our classmates shocked and surely perturbed

after all, we’re the last that would

speak to each other, let alone,

show we’d rather be alone-

laugh and stand and pull me up,

hand in hand and tow me, love,

out into the hall, down and out

we’re out of the building, running now

we’re skipping out of our only class

arm around my waist, and glass

beneath our feet, crushed under weight

we hurry because we cannot wait.

CCD, it’s 6:40,

and your house is less than three

minutes away, passion filled,

gasping so our lungs are filled.

when we arrive we barely peer inside,

seeing there’s no one home to bribe

and so we ascend your stairs,

each step suspense, and I don’t care

the consequences worth the crime

who knows when else we’ll have the time

and so even as my clothes fall off

and even as your shirts pulled off

and even as we’re breathing hard

and even as we’re moaning our

excitement, we both know that

this won’t last, and so each pass

-ing second counts, it’s all about

letting all our stale love out

we’re both rejected by our others

so we keep running to each other

it’s sick and sad and almost not worth it

but by now neither of us can stop it

What to do, oh what to do-

if I should fall in love with you?

Our scars shining pink in the dim light

it’s just evening, but the night

is closing in, I need you now,

inside my thighs and my dark heart, how

can I be so caught up in lust?

I’ve lost sight of me, and now it’s us

and every ragged breath I gasp

tastes of you, and opportunity passed

and chapstick kisses are filling my thoughts

along with memories of what we’ve lost

our pills are pink, all lithium

we’re overloaded, we think we love them

partners in our mouth, the water

trickling from the spout, and other

things, our razors red, our feelings dead

pain and sex ignite our flesh, heads

together, lips interlocked

our lives tipsy, we are rocked

by each others wave, and as we sink

we cling together, alone to think

the rush is gone, but I’m still here,

even after another year (together)

our feelings escalating

I once believed in saving

myself, but now I’m so confused

praying I’m not being used

and so I lower myself down

with you here too, I’m not afraid to drown-

collapsing in sweat and onyx sheets

my eyes heavy, my limbs are weak

I’m weary and worried and undeniably tired

you’re asleep beside me, and nothing dire

has come up, and I sigh into a pillow

that smells like sex and Marlboro

and I let my lids slip shut

my skin still oozing, bites and cuts

we’re so fucked up, we’re so alone

except when we’re inside your home

your bed a place where we can be

everything we mean to be.

Your face buried into the covers

I think we make such perfect lovers,

medicated, we’re sedated

each brought out by the person we thought we hated

raged turned to love and then to lust

and then back to dust, as everything must.

The stabilizers in my brain

proclaiming I must be insane

but our vibes have moved and meshed

and I swear that I am scared to death.