Big Blue

-michael hoblak

“Kryptonite, man, that’s all they are – walking, talking, breathing Kryptonite.”

“Okay there, Superman; last week you said they were your yellow sun. What happened?”

“Lois Lane became Lex Luthor.”

“Uh, okay? I completely understand that – bald is definitely the new look for girls. It’s hot.”

“She went from damsel in distress to calculating mastermind.”

“And where does Jimmy Olsen fit into all of this? I take it he’s supposed to become a walking, talking, breathing Fortress of Solitude?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Well, I guess it’s better than becoming Krypto; I don’t have to deal with super-fleas. So what happened, Kal?”

“It’s like I witnessed the destruction of Krypton; in a matter of minutes, the entire world gone, just like that. And even Superman couldn’t turn back time, no matter how fast I tried running; things just wouldn’t start spinning the other way for me. A crisis with infinite things wrong.”

“So you’re done? It’s over? Just like that? I thought Superman never quit; you can’t even kill him, because if you do, he’ll just come back again anyway.”

“That was supposed to be a one-time thing, but hey, comics are comics, and that’s exactly it, comics are comics. Superheroes aren’t supposed to quit – that’s why they’re super. They stand for love, truth, and justice; everything right and virtuous in the world. They’re as noble as Arthur and his knights, maybe even more so. I’m just a normal guy who a special girl called Superman; that’s it. I don’t wear a cape; there’s no S on this chest. I can quit if I want.”

“Come on, man, I don’t think things are as bad as you think. You’re just over-reacting.”

“You don’t know what happened.”

“Then what happened?”

“I tried to save the world but it didn’t want me to. Superman isn’t the only superhero out there. And now there’s no Krypton, no Heaven, no Paradise; I’m back on Earth, like a mortal man. Take away Lois Lane and you’re removing a pretty big piece of what Superman is; she’s one of his defining aspects. She’s what makes him so great. And now I don’t have that. There’s a reason why the Queen’s the strongest piece on the chessboard.”

“Then just go steal Batman’s girlfriend.”

“He doesn’t have one; he’s a playboy billionaire. Like Hugh Hefner, but wearing a cape and cowl instead of a bathrobe.”

“So then there’s no problem, you can just pick and choose whichever ones you want.”

“Yeah, except, who’s Batman?”

“I don’t know. The world?”

“Maybe.”

“You just need Doomsday here so you can smash something and let out the stress or frustrations or whatever.”

“Or, you know, a punching bag.”

“Hey, you’re the one that kept going with the Superman thing.”

“No, not anymore. Superman’s dead. It’s time for me to live.”

“So, uh, can I be Superman now then? I have a few ideas of what to do with that X-ray vision.”

“Yeah? Then it’s all yours, buddy. Enjoy. But I have to go now. See you later.”

“Yeah. Just remember one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t get too down on yourself; the only direction worth going is up, up, and away. Just like the sun rises every morning, Superman will be back to live and love another day. You know he will; love is immortal.”

fin.