Note: This is a story I wrote in my writing class when I was given the prompt, 'Heaven and Hell.' I had been thinking about Jesus because we were studying the Bible in English and because I had just seen the preview for The Nativity Story. I had the idea in my head of, What if Jesus didn't believe he was the son of God? Hence, I wrote this little bit. I am sort of planning a book along these lines, detailing his life. Obviously, this story is not one that extreme Christians would enjoy. So if you would be offended by a story about Jesus not believing in his divinity, don't read this story. If you do and flame me, I will not be happy.

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Forgive Them, Father

Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.

I know I'm dying. They know I'm dying. But they think that when I die, I'll join my father in heaven.

But I know I won't.

My father is alive, as well as my mother. They tell me that my father is God. But it isn't true. My father's name is Joseph. He raised me, cared for me, and loved me. He is my father.

Get thee behind me, Satan. I shall not give in. I must remain pure, for my mother's sake. My poor mother. She believes – so many things.

There is no heaven, no hell, only death and emptiness. A big sleep, blissful blackness, painless joy.

Pain has numbed me entirely. At first, it hurt. But now I am left only with my thoughts.

Oh God, why have you forsaken me?

I have given up praying. I have given up caring. I am dying, and there is nothing I can do.

Bathed in sweat, delirious with pain, flies buzz around me. Blood drips down my forehead in thin rivulets, my head pierced by the crown of thorns. I blink away the drops, and I let my head drop to my chest.

If what they tell me is true, Azrael awaits at the edge of my perception. He holds his book, ready to mark the name, Jesus of Nazareth.

Born in Bethlehem to a young woman who had become pregnant before her marriage to the carpenter Joseph, I am told that a star shone on the night of my birth, guiding their path. But I am also told that my mother broke no vow of chastity, and that kings and shepherds and angels journeyed to see my birth.

I don't think I believe that. I have been told so many things in my life. I have been told that I can walk on water. I think I would remember that.

I am told that I raised a man from the dead, even though I insist he wasn't dead, just unconscious. All he needed was air.

And everyone believed the lies told about me. They wanted, needed to believe that I was the son of God.

But I never believed.

I wasn't trying to change people. I wasn't trying to cause any sort of revolution. I just wanted people to think.

Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.

I close my eyes, and I die.