A/N: I have no excuse for this. None whatsoever. Do not read if you can't handle the laws of Chrismas being snapped in half. Enjoy!

P.S. the reindeer are furries- half-human, half-reindeer. Just so you know. :D

Since the beginning of Jesus, there has been a Christmas. And since the beginning of Christmas, there has been a Santa Claus. And since the beginning of Santa Claus, there have been his reindeer. And since the beginning of his reindeer, there has always been that lonely little red-nosed outcast, Rudolph.

This is the true story of Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.

"You can't be serious," was the first thing I remember saying after my mother announced her 'wonderful news' to me. She gave me a disapproving look at my lack of enthusiasm.

"Rudolph," she started, "Rudolph, do you understand how important this opportunity is to you- and us?" she waved vaguely in my father's direction. He merely cleared his throat and continued to read the newspaper. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, I understand, but-" I tried to say.

"But what, Rudolph? But what?" she tapped her foot, "What argument can you possibly with this?"

"Everything, mom!" I cried out in frustration.

"Working for this- this Kringle-Claus would most certainly give you a good-looking résumé, and it would solve all of our financial problems, and son, you really do need to get out there in the real world and learn some social skills-"

"Oh, is that what this is about?!" I screamed.

"Don't raise your voice at me, young man-"

I wanted to stamp my foot, pull at my black hair and just have a temper-tantrum, "Mom! It's not that I don't have social skills, and you know it! Society just doesn't want to be social with- with some stupid, red-nosed freak!"

"Rudolph, you're going to Kringle-Claus' academy, you're going to become one of his top eight reindeer, and you are going to drive his sleigh every Christmas! You'll only have to work one day out of every year, Rudolph! One day!"

I grunted in frustration, "Sure, I'll go- I'll go! But I'm not guaranteeing on becoming one the top eight! I bet I won't even step one foot into that place before they kick me right back out because of this bright red apple in the middle of my face!" I continued before my mother could comment, "And what the heck is up with this new holiday, anyway? Christmas? What kind of name is that?"

"It's the birthday of-"

"I know that, mom! Jesus Christ! What does he have to do with us reindeer, huh? He's the savior of humans, not us!"

"Mr. Christ isn't relevant to this conversation! Now go to your room and get packing!"

"Gladly!" I stopped away and made sure to slam my door extra hard, so that the paintings in the living room would shake and hopefully fall and crash, just to piss mom off. I fell face-down onto my bed with a whump sound. Maybe I should just suffocate myself right here, I thought. I knew I wouldn't, but the thought was tempting.

After a minute or so, I sat up and looked at myself in my mirror. I grimaced. I was already almost thirteen, and yet my antlers were still only as big as a doe's. As if I didn't have enough problems with my nose. It was a mystery as to why it was red, but I've heard the rumor that it was because my mom had an affair with another man, and that I'm actually his and not father's son. Maybe that's why he ignores me... But that theory was stupid; mom would never do something like that.

Reluctantly, I began to pack my bags as mother asked, and prepared for more humiliation. As if I haven't suffered enough in this life!

Well, at least one good thing came out of this. It turned out that my... friend... Blitzen was being forced into Kringle-Claus' academy too. I hesitated to say 'friend' because we weren't, really. But I like him because he's the only one who has never picked on me at school.

As I boarded the bus that would drive me to the academy, I looked around for an empty seat. But there were none. All of the seats were taken up by other, older people who were going someplace else. No one offered me a seat, not that I expected them to. I slowly made my way down the tiny aisle, tripping once or twice on feet and bags. No one said sorry, but I didn't expect them to do that either. Finally, when I was nearing the back, Blitzen noticed me and smiled. He patted the empty space next to him. Gratefully, I sat down. "Thank-" I started.

"MOMMY'S PROUD OF YOU, HONEY!" Oh, God. My mom was jumping up and down outside the bus, trying to get my attention. I don't know how she could see me through the tinted windows, but she did, "RUDY! RUDY, OVER HERE!" she blew me a kiss. I sunk lower and lower into my seat as people began to stare, "MOMMY LOVES YOU!" My face was as red as my nose, by now. Thankfully, the bus began to pull away from the curb then. I could here her cheering all the way until we turned a corner.

After a few minutes, the snickering stopped and I sat up straight. I could see Blitzen smirking at me out of the corner of my eye. "What? Got a problem?" I tried to sound tough, but failed miserably. Blitzen just shook his head and stared out the window. That's what I like most about Blitzen, he didn't waste any time speaking. But there were many things I hated about him, too. Like the fact that his antlers had already started to grow quite long. And his black nose. But that was just me being jealous, I guess.

After a few hours the temperature began to drop. I pulled my jacket tight around me. "Who's stupid idea was it to have this stupid reindeer academy crap way up on the North Pole?" I grumbled to myself.

"And why didn't the driver check to make sure the heater worked before we left?" Blitzen added. I hadn't realized he could hear me.

"Why am I surrounded by dumbasses?"

"Because God hates you," Blitzen said monotonously.

"Thanks a lot for that, really," I replied sarcastically. Blitzen grinned.

When we finally arrived, it was just Blitzen and I standing in awe before the huge building in front of us. It was snowing and the windows of the academy were frosted over. Blitzen was the first one to walk of to the front doors, and I followed, suddenly shy. The inside of the building was warm and I immediately removed my coat. There was a huge fire-place behind what I guessed was the secretary's desk. The flames were taller than me. I followed Blitzen up to the desk, surprised to see an elf sitting in the large chair. The elf looked annoyed when it asked us to write down our names on a piece of paper labeled "Sign-In". For some reason, I was getting really nervous and my hands were shaking really badly, so Blitzen wrote down my name for me. The elf, who's name was Keith, judging by his name-tag, told us to go and wait in the auditorium, which was apparently down the hall to the left. Again, I followed Blitzen, noticing a strange dread filling my belly.

To my horror, the auditorium was filled mostly with older bucks. They all had big, branching antlers and I suddenly wanted to run far, far away. I couldn't face the impending embarrassment. Blitzen seemed to notice this, and quickly grabbed my upper arm and dragged me to a table, and forced me to sit down. I slumped over and covered my face. I already heard some laughter and whispering nearby.

Soon, another elf accompanied by Keith came into the auditorium and stepped up to the podium, I guess to make an announcement. Keith cleared his throat loudly to get attention, but the other kids kept talking. He cleared his throat again, but that didn't work. The other elf, old and senile with a long white beard and trailing mustache, just smiled happily. Finally, a doe stood up on a table and shouted, "SHUT UP". Everything went quiet but I think it was mostly because of the doe's skimpy outfit. Idiot, I can't believe she's wearing that out in the cold, I thought.

"Thank you," Keith said and then coughed randomly, "Now that I have your attention, I would like to introduce the Grand Elf, who will now give a speech about the Kringle-Claus Academy. Grand Elf?" Keith explained. The Grand Elf just kept on smiling merrily, "Grand Elf? GRAND ELF?"

"Hmm? What is it, sonny boy?" the Grand Elf wheezed, looking at Keith.

"It's time to make the speech, Grand Elf," Keith's smile was strained.

"Oh, yes, it's a lovely speech, isn't it?"

"Yes. Now please say it." Keith was obviously loosing patience.

"Peas? I'd love some peas! You're such a good boy, Keith."

"No- Grand Elf-"

"No, I'm the Grand Elf."

"I know sir, that's not-"

"Don't sass me young man! I'll talk to you mother about this!"

"Hey, look, some bunnies!" Keith pointed randomly.

"Really? Where?" the Grand Elf looked around wildly while Keith gave the speech for him. It was mostly about how we must all be proud of ourselves to have taken up such a wonderful new opportunity, and how he was sorry that the founder of the academy, Saint Nicholas Kris Santa Kringle-Claus, couldn't be there because he had some business to attend to, and that hopefully he would be there tomorrow. Then Keith dismissed everyone, telling us to follow some other elves to the dormitories.

Before Blitzen and I had even left our table, some bucks stopped in front of us.

"What?" Blitzen asked after a second passed by.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my mistake," one buck said, "I thought that was a stoplight," he stared pointedly at me while his friends chuckled next to him. I looked down at my shoes, trying to ignore them.

"Hey, what's the matter, baby? Can't take a joke?" another buck said while wrapping his arm around me.

I shrugged away from him violently, yelling, "I. Am. A. Buck."

"Wow, really?" the first guy laughed while the second guy touched my chest to make sure I was telling the truth.

"It's true, Donner," the second guy stated.

"Wow, Prancer, I didn't know you were into that," Donner cackled.

"Shut up, dude," Prancer growled, walking away from me.

Donner came up to me next, poking my forehead, "How old are you, little man?"

"T-Twelve," my voice cracked. Why did I answer him? I never talk to bullies.

"Twelve! Twelve!" Donner howled. His friends laughed with him, whispering rude things to each other that I could hear quite clearly. "A little old, aren't you, to only have baby stubs?" Donner was almost doubled over in laughter.

"And what's up with that nose?" Someone else yelled.

"I know, Dasher, seriously!" another yelled back.

I felt tears welling up in the back of my eyes. "Aww, baby gonna cry?" Donner baby-talked to me, poking me in the forehead again.

I bit my lip, and said as strongly as I could, "Piss off," and ran like hell.

Blitzen was long gone.