Guiling in Circles

You want to be
Like them: the elite.
The ones who fear nothing
Or so it seems.

You strive and crash
In failed attempts
To be like the joyful,
Social, confident.

Soon you lose it:
Your persona, your smile;
Develop addictions
To “friends” and to guile.

You don’t even know
Who you are anymore.
You feel your black heart,
But you can’t find your core.

Your hands tremble from fear
Of the unknown, unseen.
Who will stay true?
Who’ll get up and leave?

Desire takes over –
Devours your mind –
As your skewed rationale
Is left behind.

You despise those who fear you,
The unknown and unseen.
You crush them in your palm.
They crumble like leaves.

Shameful that you wanted
To be just like them
Only to discover
They’re like you in the end.