Insomnia - I. Burnt bridges

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August 18th, 2006

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I stared into the hollow, steel barrel.

Now, it was my turn.

So many people, lost.

And now, it was my turn.

The echoing click resounded through the room as the catch was flipped off, fingers tightened around the trigger. Trembling.

The air was cold, thin, airless, and I felt lucid. Fearless.

But confusion soon dawned. What had I done to deserve this?

It was my turn…

Glancing up, I was met by a pair of vacant, ice blue orbs, staring from shadowed, sunken eyelids. The face; like a blank canvas; drained of colour and life, was glowing in the darkness, pale lips taut and stretched into a strained smile.

“Halle.” My name, breathed into the darkness.

It was my time to go.

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“Mmm …”

The room was scorching hot, almost excruciatingly so, “Jonny …” she breathed out, eyes blinded by a flash of white, burning passion. She needed him.

Needed him.

His mouth hovered above hers, eyes darkened with lust and desire, raking in her body with a fevered hunger.

Oh God …

“Jonny … stop …” she cried, not really sure if she meant the words that were suddenly pouring out from her mouth. It would be so easy to just … get caught in the moment.

His hand dragged up her side as he kissed her again, wild and fervent. Craving. His fingertips ran along the course of her smooth, toned stomach, inching higher and higher, tracing the edge of her bra, before delving behind her back.

She arched into him, groaning, lacing her arms around his damp back; feeling the muscles of his shoulders, tense beneath her hold as her bra snapped loose.

She was losing control of the situation, but suddenly, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. She’d lost control of so many things …

Halle …

Her heart tugged, opened up and then unleashed a flood of shame and regret through her aching body, pouring through her veins. Burning …

She clenched her eyes, tightly shut. Now was not the time. She swallowed her emotions, drowned her pain, allowing Jonny to unzip her jeans. It was the only way.

God, it was so hot. A sauna. The air so thick with desire, sweat and immense heat that she could barely breathe.

Halle, Halle, Halle.

She tried to stop the thoughts, halt them, extinguish the burning flame of sadness burrowed in her chest.

Gasping in a short, unstable breath, she slid out of her jeans, ready, waiting. Forgetting

As his hand slid lower, lower, lower, her mind went blank. The world had shifted; the last week changed everything, for the better or the worse. There was no going back, she’d burnt her bridges. For good.

“Aimee,” he whispered against her neck, her name skirting across her skin, and she almost choked, losing her breaths. Where had the air gone to?

His lips shifted to her ear, kissing just below her lobe. She tilted her head, giving him a better angle and he took the opportunity, kissing along her jaw line.

Inhaling deeply, she ran her fingers down his chest before an irritating strangling sensation itched against her throat. Scratching. She coughed, spluttered, gasped for air.

Ash, smoke … she was breathing it all in.

Jonny hastily jumped off the bed, fingers flying across his throat, coughing as wide, frightened eyes scanned across the room.

No wonder it was so hot.

Flames. Beautiful, entrancing, ravenous flames blazed in the room, stealing the oxygen as gluttonous flickers licked through the air. The heat was immense. Scorching against her skin and burning, burning, burning with crimson and amber sparks as the contagious flares combusted with each breath of fresh air.

Aimee stepped back, screaming. Her voice was sucked up quickly, overwhelmed by the now roaring flames.

Oh God, oh God, oh God.

Jonny was yelling at her over the flames, which were rapidly engulfing the room, burning everything they touched, but it was useless. She couldn’t make out a word he said.

He pointed to the door, hand thrown across his mouth, eyes squinting through the black smoke, chest heaving.

Her eyes shot to the doorway … maybe she could make it. Fire blazed across her vision, covering the floorboards, which suddenly creaked under the pressure, burning through. Ready to collapse.

She stepped forward, half consumed by the callous flames, heart punching violently in her chest, threatening to explode. Gasping for oxygen as her head spun, she moved forward another step. Just another few and she’d be out. Dart for the stairs … through the house … out the front door.

Her feet were burning, her legs, blistering, popping … shit! Her skin…

Immersed in agonising pain, she screamed again, salty tears rolling down her cheek, then evaporating … synthesising with the ashes, the smoke.

Whirling around, she sought to find Jonny amidst the cloud of charred furniture. He hadn’t moved from his spot, except for dropping to his knees, and crying, yelling, smouldering.

His skin was charred, an awful gory black. Blood leaked through gaping holes in his flesh, burning, smoking, as his bony, tendon-revealing arms tore at his bloodstained hair. Screaming, screaming, screaming, his eyes danced up, capturing hers one last time. Flames engulfed his body, which she had just seconds ago, been running her hands over, and he fell to the ground, dying.

Dying…

“NO!”

The fire pulls, pulls, pulls her down, and she obeys, her throat closing over … choking. Asphyxiating.

Her eyes darted to the door again. So close. Excruciating pain; burning, smouldering. Her skin is charring, flesh crisping, cooking. Smothering.

Her eyes flashed white, searing hot and she’s suddenly blind.

And nothing matters, because it’s over.

She clasped her hands over her blazing face; fiery and scorching, she ripped at her skin. Then suddenly, briefly, she can see again, and she's staring straight into those haunting eyes.

Razor sharp ice glares through slanted eyes.

“No …” she choked.

“It’s over.” She heard the voice say, and then the world went black. Darkness consuming.

“It’s over.”