she said misfire

she said misfire to me one day
“misfire, misfire,” and maybe
this time he will forgive & forget.

(oh, if only it were so true
because I’m sitting here in a
drunken stupor and I cannot
think anything but him. )

act two and she’s telling me
to drop the gun and run. he
won’t say anything if you
don’t. all the while, the knife
in my heart is twisting further.

( “you’re not losing me,
I won’t go anywhere.” but
boy, you were destined to go,
ever since I clapped eyes on you. )

she told me to misfire as I
held the gun (directed at him)
from a distance. and I looked
at her, held my breath and
fired.

( bang - bang :: )

and the gates of hell are knocking.
raise my eyes and she’s laughing at
me because he’s standing there -

and my shot was a miss.

author's notes :: me and ted are hanging out tomorrow for the first time in about a year. what the fuck? it's so awkward and i'm so scared.