Author's Note- This story is dedicated to my friend Kat for asking the question that sparked this story. And i was trying out a new style, so be merciful, please.

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Maybes

Story By StormDancer

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“So, what do you think of Beth?” A simple question, asked over the beautiful anonymity of the internet.

Ben stares at the screen. What does he think of Beth? What does he think of the girl who when she looks at him with those laughing opal eyes his heart starts to go into hyper drive, and when she laughs at his jokes he burns that joke into his memory so he can replay it over and over again in his mind because it was that joke that amused her. The girl who when she actually talked to him his knees turned to jelly and his mind to mush and he only forced out a coherent answer because he knew she didn’t like stupid guys and maybe just maybe if he could impress her with his wit she might look at him again and make his heart beat faster and make him die just a little bit from never ever having any hope to get her but just maybe someday she’ll notice the boy who watches her and hordes every time she speaks with him as a treasure. What does he think of that girl?

“She’s… nice,” he types back cautiously. And he signs off.

Is that really all he can say? But if he says anymore maybe he’ll give himself away and then Jess will tell Beth and Beth will turn those huge black eyes on him with a look full of pity and she’ll let him down nicely, he knows, but being let down will kill him, he knows, because then she maybe won’t talk to him and he’ll never have his legs turned to jelly and his heart turned to mush by her, and maybe he can’t live without that.

But why is Jess asking him? Maybe Beth asked her to ask him because Beth really does like him and she wants to know if he likes her too so they can ride off into the sunset together because little does she know that he doesn’t just like her, he fucking loves her, and maybe just maybe she loves him too. But no, maybe he’s reading too much into it. It was a simple question. Everyone knows that Beth doesn’t like anyone, especially not him, that she’s far too good for him and he doesn’t stand a chance in the world. But he doesn’t really know that because he’s too scared to ask her and the maybe the only reason they aren’t happily together is because he’s such a damn coward and maybe she’s just waiting for him to ask.

But no, he knows that that maybe will never happen and he’ll always be waiting for her and she’ll never notice that her eyes can turn him to a gibbering mess and her voice will turn him to jelly. He’s too much of a coward to do it and he knows it and he hates it because maybe he does have a chance and he’ll never know and now he’s stuck reading too far into a matter of curiosity from a friend instead of laughing with Beth because he’s the one who no one notices and he’s not brave enough to make anything happen. So he’ll watch and wait and collect his scraps of her until the end of time or maybe, just maybe, until she looks up and sees him waiting. And then they’ll be happy. But only when that maybe comes to pass, and Ben knows it will never happen. Maybes never do.

o0O0o0O0o

Now Ben’s sitting at school, waiting for everyone else to come in, and maybe Beth will be the first one in so she’ll talk to him and his knees can turn to jelly and he’ll be happy. But no, Jess comes in and then John and only then does Beth come in, too late to talk to him, so that maybe is gone and he’s stuck staring at her willing her to turn around and look at him, and he doesn’t notice that when he looks away she’s stealing her own glances.

So he sits and waits and finally gets up and walks away, and then he hears pounding footsteps and she’s running to catch up to him. His heart stops and so does he. She’s standing next to him and maybe she’ll tell him what he’s far too much of a coward to say and then maybe he can find the courage to say it back and he’ll grab her hand and finally be able to look into those black eyes and turn to mush whenever he wants.

Now she’s walking beside him and she’s not really looking at him but he can see her glancing at him when she thinks he’s not looking. Why is she so nervous? Maybe she’s embarrassed because she’s a coward too. Or maybe she’s not nervous at all and he’s making things up so he has an excuse to hope that someday his legs will always turn to jelly.

“Don’t pay any attention to anything Jess asked you last night,” she says. When Ben looks at her questioningly she looks away and maybe there’s a hint of red on her cheeks.

She shouldn’t care what Jess asked because she doesn’t care what he thinks because he’s the one who watches not the one she notices. Maybe, though, she’s nervous because he wasn’t reading too much into that question and she really does like him and now she’s embarrassed because she thinks he knows and maybe she’s worried he’ll reject her like he’s always been worried she’ll reject him. And so maybe they’re both cowards and maybe one of them has to find the courage first.

So maybe he can be the one and he reaches deep inside himself. And there’s no courage there so he looks back up at and she’s looking at him with those shining eyes that turn him to mush and maybe that’s where his courage is because then the words come out.

“Beth, do you want to go somewhere with me sometime? Like, on a date?”

And then he flinches because he must have sounded so stupid and of course she’ll reject him. So he looks down and keeps walking. Then there’s a hand on his shoulder and he looks up and she’s smiling a shy smile that nearly knocks him over and she’s nodding. And then he’s grinning and grabbing her hand and laughing and trying to say everything he’s always thought about how her smile turns his mind to mush and her eyes make his heart go into hyper drive. And she’s laughing too, which just makes him shiver in pleasure, and she’s telling him about all the times she’s watched him and hoped he’ll talk to her and how his own eyes and smile make her turn to jelly. And maybe this is what was always meant to be, them laughing and smiling together with all the maybes gone.

And maybe that would have happened but he doesn’t meet her eyes and she doesn’t meet his so they stand for a while, neither speaking. And then she shrugs and walks away, and he’s left staring after her, wondering if maybe he had just missed his only chance. But he’ll never know because maybes aren’t cutting it with her but they’re all he knows. And he watches her walk away from him while he’s drowning in the maybes.