I feel like fading

into the books and stories

I cling so desperately to.

I want to hide behind

my dark eyes and

nails and clothes.

Nothing I do

ever seems perfect

I let so many people down.

I do my best to hide

behind a happy, laughing,

smiling, fake facade.

I feel myself slowly

letting go. Too cowardly

to actually take my own life.

I'm not a complete idiot.

I can't leave behind family and

friends who care.

I can't leave behind family and

friends who will wonder if

they could have done more to save me.

So no matter how depressed and

hopeless I grow I'll keep up

this terribly fake exterior.

However if one day you find me

completely disappeared. Check my books

and stories. If you find me do me one last favor.

Don't save me. I like my new place much better.