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Chapter 21
The next morning, the first thing I did was to visit Anthony.
This time, it wasn’t Jacques who was outside. It was his father.
The moment he saw me, I gulped and braced myself.
Nothing.
He smiled at me and surprised me by saying, “Go on inside.”
“T-t-thank you, Mr. Ryder,” I managed, shocked by his about-face.
But when I went inside, I found why.
Anthony was in bed and Crystalline was at his side.
With the door half-open, I knocked.
They both looked up.
“Um…sorry if I’ve interrupted anything, but I just wanted to check on how you’re doing.” I smiled an unsure smile.
Anthony smiled the same way. “Thanks for dropping by, but…”His face screwed up as if he was trying to remember something. “I don’t think I know you.”
That sounded like a death sentence to my ears.
Oh no. Not that again. I recognized that tone of voice. Bitter resentment welled up deep within me.
I took in a breath. “Summer, remember?”
“No. I don’t think I’ve seen you before.” Seeing my expression, he added, “I’m sorry?”
It was that moment when everything came to me like a bolt from heaven; this was his way of saying we’re through. He was using the accident as an excuse to get rid of me now that his ex was back by his side. He was pleading “lost memory” rather than tell me face to face that “we” were over.
If there was a “we” in the first place.
A special part of me that I kept hidden away from the rest of the world withered.
“It’s okay. I understand,” I said calmly, even though inside, my heart was breaking. I wouldn’t give him the pleasure of seeing me cry. “Well…now that I know you’re okay, I suppose I should be going. No point in me standing around interrupting a lover’s tryst now, would it?”
My smile was cynical when I exited the room to find a very smug father observing me.
“Now that he’s forgotten you, I don’t want you or your kind of riff-raff near him again,” Mr. Ryder warned me.
“Don’t worry, sir. I’m not likely to make that mistake again.” I turned on my heel and walked away. “My compliments, sir,” I threw over my shoulder. “In finally getting what you wanted in the first place.” The last part came out bitterly.
How could I be so incredibly stupid in thinking relationships with popular guys could ever last? Hadn’t Damien thought me anything? Just because Anthony was kinder, doesn’t mean he’s that different. Damien was being controlled by Cynthia, but Anthony – the weak bastard – was being controlled by his dad. The both of them were more similar than they would have liked.
I had vowed never to fall for a sweet-talker, but that was exactly what I had done. And I thought that I wasn’t that naïve anymore. Here I was, worrying myself to death, wondering if he was fine and there he was having the time of his life.
But fact was fact. I had fallen for someone who dumped me.
But why had he pushed me out of harm’s way if he really doesn’t feel anything for me? A small voice in my head said, but in my rage, I pushed it away. I wasn’t about to start making excuses for a jerk like him.
All this time, I had thought that I meant more than a little something to Anthony, but I had been wrong. Dead wrong. And that stupid mistake had left me heart-broken.
Again.
“But why?” they said in unison.
“I…just need to forget about some stuff for a while,” I replied, looking out the window so they could not see the shadows under my eyes. This relationship had meant a lot more to me than I was willing to let on.
“Are you coming back?” Eva asked.
“Have to visit my family sometime, won’t I?”
“Whom will you be staying with?”
“My uncle and his wife. They agreed to take me. And besides, they have children, so I won’t be that much a bother.”
“We’ll miss you…” Avery said quietly.
“Nah, you’ll be too preoccupied with your boyfriends to notice I’m missing.” I smiled sadly.
“Look, you don’t have to leave just because of him,” Ellie interjected. “We’ll find a way to pay him back for what he did to you.”
“I didn’t know he would do something like this to you. I thought he was different,” Avery put in.
“I thought the same thing, but…” I looked away. I had told them about what had happened and what I thought about it. “You can’t blame him. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me. I was the one who had a crush and if he doesn’t think I’m good enough for him, it’s his choice.” I shrugged. “For all I know his memory loss could even be real.”
Ellie snorted. “Yeah, right.”
“Let’s just drop this topic, okay?” Eva said, looking at me.
“When are you leaving?” Avery asked after a pause in the conversation.
“Tomorrow.”
“That early? This must have really come hard on you, man.” Ellie shook her head.
“Yeah, kind of.”
“How much does he really mean to you?” Eva asked timidly. After a short silence, she quickly said, “I don’t mean to pry or anything, just…”
“Yeah, I know.” Then, I looked up and said softly, “I don’t know. But it’s a hell lot more than what I felt for Damien.”
Silence.
“Oh, god!” Ellie burst out. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. I had inspected my feelings for Anthony after I came back from the hospital. I lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and it just came to me…and I knew that I had fallen for him. And landed with a loud, messy splat at the bottom.
“I could just be puppy love,” Eva suggested.
“No, it’s not. It’s way more than that. What I felt about Damien is nothing compared to this. Too bad it didn’t work out, huh?” I couldn’t stop the tears falling down from my face.
They all clustered around me for a moment until my tears had subsided.
“I’m…sorry, I didn’t mean to be such a crybaby.” I blew my nose.
“Everyone needs to let out their feelings some time or the other…” Eva handed me another tissue.
As I was wiping my eyes, Avery asked, “What time is your flight tomorrow?”
“Five a.m.”
“Then we’ll have to spend the whole of today with you then,” Ellie said cheerfully.
So we did. We had fun like we never had before and every step of the way was engraved in my memory forever. No boys, no parents, no other friends. Just the four of us and freedom.
“I’m sorry we couldn’t have a farewell party for you,” Avery said.
“Nah, it’s okay.”
“Well, e-mail us sometime, okay?” Eva had tears in her eyes.
“And we’ll visit you if we ever have the time,” Avery promised.
“And we’ll call you at least once a week,” Ellie added.
“I’ll miss you guys.” And for that small captured second, my mind’s eye took a picture of us all together for what might be the last time.
We smiled. And the tears started flowing.
Early the next morning, I woke up, feeling sad. This was the island I had grown to love in the past three years. I knew I would miss the sound of the waves beating against the rocks, the cluttered shopping malls where the latest fashion were on display, the school, and most of all, my friends…and Anthony.
I know I was being stupid. No miracle was going to happen. No Anthony would suddenly come dashing up to me saying he was sorry. No Anthony was going to want me back now that the reigning prom queen was at his side. No Anthony would come and say goodbye or be with me anymore. Yet, yet…there was a small space in my heart that would be reserved for him if he ever wanted me back.
I recorded every sight, sound and smell that registered in my senses that morning. I shared a teary farewell much like the one I had the day before with Avery, Ellie and Eva in the airport, and then took a last look around just in case Anthony was there and boarded the plane.
As the plane started out on the runway, a small part of me hoped that Anthony would dramatically come to me and say he was sorry. But, of course, nothing like that happened. I cursed myself for a lovesick fool after the plane had taken off and was 15,000 feet in the air.
Images of him pierced my thoughts and I pushed them away.
No, I told myself, as memories of us together seemed to take permanent residence in my thoughts. It was over.
With that, I closed the book on my life in 5th grade.
Sincerly,
Midnight Destiny a.k.a Nicole
