I don't know how to stop, even though I wish I did. I don't know why I feel things so deeply, so intensely, why broken promises make me cry. I will lay there, heaving on the floor, sobs wrenching my very existence and wonder why. As the tears grow into bullets, they slide down my cheek and I can feel myself dying. I've caught the butterfly in my hand and its wings are broken, it is dead. It will never fly again and it's all because of me. Because I wanted to feel close to something again. I am overcome with shivers, shivers that shake my body until it hurts. Then I am still, staring up at the ceiling and pretending I am home, in the stars. I reach forward and feel the sky, and I smile, until it is all ripped away from me. I blink, twice, and I am staring at the ceiling. There is no sky. There is no home. There is only me.

I fall to my knees and I cry again, the familiarity burns at my shoulders. I stand, wipe my eyes. I compose myself and say this is the end. No more will I curl up in my bed and wish I was somewhere else. No more will I let the tears flow free and never, ever smile. I will live. I will thrive. I will taste happiness.

I look out the window and I see her. All brown eyes and wavy blonde hair, and she's calling to me. I don't question my legs as they carry me outside. I let myself smile at the feeling of the grass under my feet. I pay no mind to the darkness of the night and I don't care what time it is. I stand there in the front yard and look at her as she looks at me. I feel my joy rippling as she begins walking towards me. And then I feel my stomach tightening as I watch her get closer, closer. Then she's there- standing not far from me, a smile present on her perfect pink lips.

"Good evening," As the words escape her, I can't help but be filled with longing. The night is cold but her breath is warm and as she speaks to me in that low whisper, I don't feel so alone anymore. I boldly ask her if she'd like to take a walk with me. She says yes. I disappear inside to get my shoes and then we're walking down the street. Her long legs move gracefully and both of us are silent for a long time. I listen to the crickets chirping and I swear I can hear her heart beating. I stop then, gazing at her like she's a painting, an original artwork and I feel lucky to look upon her. She smiles again, reaches forward and entangles her fingers in mine. We stand there and I notice her eyes. They are staring right into mine and my breath gets caught in my throat. I am still as the wind blows my hair into my face, forming curtains for me to hide behind. She lets go of my hand, pushing my hair away so she can see me. "I thought you'd never come outside." She tells me, her fingers tracing the side of my cheek.

I know I need her but I don't know why. I can't find the words to speak and I hear her laugh, a quiet laugh that makes her eyes sparkle. She grabs me and pulls me downward, onto the sidewalk. She cradles me in her arms and I smile. "Tonight is the beginning of the rest of my life." I say, my voice raspy in my throat. She nods, cupping my face in her hands.

"Tonight is the beginning of the rest of our life together." She answers, not hesitating as she pulls me closer to her and kisses me. I feel myself melting and our lips becoming one. I feel the warmth of her breath and how it mixes with mine. I close my eyes and I could swear that I'm falling, plummeting down thousands of feet in a matter of seconds. The kiss ends and we're sitting there, out of breath and out of words but certainly not out of smiles. Her hand grasps mine and we walk back home. We stand in the middle of the street and I kiss her goodbye. She sings a promise in my ear and she disappears into her house. Reluctantly I go inside, crawl into my bed, and fall asleep.

When I wake up in the morning, the sun irritates my eyes. I burrow beneath the covers until I finally am able to get up. I get into the shower and the hot water beats down on my body to an unspoken rhythm. I lather my hair and body and then I rinse, the scent of lavender rising to my nostrils. I step out of the shower, almost slipping on the floor, and dry myself off with the soft towel on the rack. I hug the purple towel against me and gaze into my closet. Finally I slip on my clothes, dry my hair, and then slowly begin walking down the stairs. I take it one step at a time, my hand firmly on the railing and my eyes trained in front of me. I grab a chocolate donut from the kitchen, put on my coat, and make sure to take my knapsack with me as I step outside. The cool air rushes towards me, and I can taste the winter on my lips. I get in the car and turn on the heat, launching into shivers as I wait for the car to become warm. I practically jump out of my skin when I hear a thump on my back window. I look behind me and there she is again. Seconds later she opens the passenger door and pokes her head inside. She is even more beautiful than I remember.

"Can I catch a ride with you?" She asks, her features delicate. I nod and she gets in, filling the passenger seat and the car insantly becomes warmer. She's wearing a red button down coat and beneath that I can see a hint of her white sweater, lined with lace. Her jeans are casual yet she still looks nice. Her hair is curled, and her makeup precise. She looks absolutely flawless. She reaches across the car and finds my hand, squeezing it and gazing at me fondly.

"What class do you have today?" I make conversation, squinting my eyes at the sun that is hastily shining into the car. She lets go of my hand and puts on her seatbelt before answering.

"Composition," She says simply, leaning back into her seat. I bite my lip and pull out of the driveway. An indistinct song is playing in the background as I drive to the college, the car occasionally going out of my control as it slips on the ice. I look over at her and she is smiling again. "I love the winter." She tells me, even though I already know. It is the end of January and there has been several days in the past few months I did nothing but sit on my porch, watching her ice skate on the nearby pond. She looked like a magical being when she was skating, a fairy of sorts, and I always got pleasure out of watching her. She was a goddess of the snow. I never liked winter before I met her. The cold was always too harsh for my tastes, my face becoming numb when I dared to go outside. No, winter wasn't for me. I loved autumn. Leaves of all different colors falling to the ground in a signal of a new cycle, and the start of a new life for the tree. I always loved autumn, until the leaves turned brown and they crunched under my feet. As soon as the leaves were brown I would rake them, bag them, and let the garbage man take them away. Then it would become winter and the tree would be bare. The tree looked so lonely in the winter. I hated winter, until I met her.