The sound of gunshots echoed around us and I saw him out of the corner of my eye, cocking his gun. He had dirt smeared on his face and his helmet was near falling off. I watched as men went down around us. Cries for help and pleas for mercy were all I could hear now…

I pulled back my gun, aimed, and fired. I watched as the man fell to the ground and I winced. He’d probably had a family. A daughter or son and a wife… it was then I noticed the warm tears slowly trailing down my face. I didn’t want to be here…

A bullet whizzed past my head and I let out a cry of surprise, stumbling back a few steps. I looked over quickly to see him let out a pained yelp and fall backwards onto the cold hard ground. It took everything I had not to scream. Everything.

I rushed to his side and choked back a sob as I noticed the blood rushing from the spot in his stomach. We both knew there was nothing they could do for belly wounds. If he lasted through the rest of this battle, they would give him a loaded gun and they would fill his canteen full of water and leave him die.

I fell to my knees beside him and reached out and touched his cheek. He coughed, followed by a warm crimson substance trickling down his chin. He was crying… but he smiled. I was going to get to watch the boy who cried himself to sleep in my arms, told me he wanted to go home to see his mom, and the boy that I had fell hopelessly in love with… die.

They were retreating and the commander was yelling something, but I stayed by his side. I pressed my lips softly against his, tasting the coppery blood and tears. When I pulled away my lips were coated in the sticky blood and he had his beautiful eyes closed. This was so wrong… everything about it. Everything.

“I love you,” I whispered in his ear, but he didn’t answer.

“L-load my gun…” He struggled to say, and I obeyed, probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life, besides going to war… and falling in love with a man.

He sat up a little bit and kissed me on the cheek leaving the shape of his lips in thin blood. “I love you, too.” He whispered and I turned and began to walk away. Everything was silent. Everything.

I heard the shot of his gun, but kept walking forward, tears blurred my vision and sobs racked my body. Finally I fell to my knees and my scream pierced the now silent battlegrounds. I grabbed the battered bible from inside my mud-coated uniform and threw it on the ground, trying to hold back the hysterical sobs that wanted so desperately to escape. I didn’t know what to do next… didn’t know what to think…

I closed my eyes and wiped away my tears, taking in shaky breathes, still holding in the sobs. I wanted so badly to turn around and crawl back to his limp body and hold him, but I knew it would do no good this time…

War was his suicide.