Chapter One

’You won't cry for my absence, I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn’t someone missing me?’

“Missing” Evanescence

Ashley sighed as she wrote, the words flowing from her hands, like sad poetry that could never stop. Word decorated the screen, never ending, never coherent but so obvious to the message of pain that it carried, but no one would see them. These were words of private thoughts, thoughts that would not be shared with anyone. Maybe one day these thoughts that now flood my mind could one day be a peaceful stream. Maybe…

Maybe one day the dreams will make sense. All these visions, so much like a dream, but, so much more…

Real?

Don’t think you think you know me, because you don’t. I know it must be real, how could it not? I’ve seen it so many times for it to not be
real; At least to me.

Maybe you do understand me, she sighed mentally. Or maybe I only hope you do.

Can you understand me?

The screen blinks, the message received, saved to the computer.

How can this person think she knows me? Know what I’ve been through? What I’ve seen? Tasted? Heard? Become?

Yet she treats me as if she knows me. How can that be? Do I even understand myself?

She chuckles madly at her own thoughts, green eyes glowing dimly under the screen’s light.

Maybe I have gone insane…

‘R U there?’ blinks the screen.

‘Good question,’ she types. ‘What is here or there anyways?’

‘lol, so ur in one of THOSE moods again, I take it?’

‘lol, how can you tell?’

And so the conversation begins

SexyKitty: So what’s got your knickers in a twist?

How did I meet this nutter again? How else does one meet an internet pen pal? Late night boredom and twenty caffeine fixes with a Starbucks frapichino of course!

Now before you think this friend of mine is some sex obsessed person, I should tell you that you are not wrong. But she tells me that she only likes to tease the ‘poor dogs’ but she has a rule of ‘never sleep with a man unless he’s rich’. It’s hard to tell if she was kidding. She had to be kidding… right?

SobeDreams: Oh, only the usual. Evil boss, evil landlord, same cruel life.

She heaved a sigh as she typed. If only she knew the truth of what was happening.

SexyKitty: Sounds like fun…
SobeDreams: oh yeah, LOADS.
SexyKitty: lol. Maybe I should ‘straighten’ your boss and landlord out.
SobeDreams: covers mouth I WAS drinking!
SexyKitty: lol, sorry!
SobeDreams: mutters Sure you are.
SexyKitty: I am!
SobeDreams: Well, I should get to bed, work and all.
SexyKitty: lol, sweet dreams.
SobeDreams: Night

Ash wasn’t really tired but she didn’t feel like chatting tonight.

Maybe tomorrow, she mused. Guess I’ll find something to do.

She looked at the messy apartment. I could clean it I guess.

She began to pick up the clothes and threw them in a pile by the front door.

I’ll do the laundry tomorrow.

There’s always tomorrow.

Wonder what my parents would think of me now? Their little ray of sunshine, reduced to this…

Pitiful…

I guess that’s all I am and all I’ll ever be.

Pitiful… Completely and utterly pitiful…

Can’t even get a proper job, I’m stuck as a waitress. Isn’t that lovely… Here I wanted to be an actress, but I’m stuck here with being a waitress.

Stupid LA, stupid life, stupid world.

If only something in my life would turn out ok.

I think I’ll find a better job, after work.

But what shall I do now?

I guess I’ll go to bed now…

Stupid apartment and never being clean.

Who am I kidding? She laughed bitterly.

Stupid me…