A children's story I wrote in grade nine.

Pirate Problems

“Captain! Captain! Captain!” A whining voice shouted. The grizzly face was hidden by a huge, floppy-brimmed hat, it’s feather flapping as he ran. He was out of breath and thin as a rail.

“Whatever is the matter Willy?” Captain Calorie asked his first mate. The captain was a robust man, with an expansive waist. His brown beard was tangly and big. In fact, he looked quite a bit like Santa Claus, without the reindeer.

“Sir, Sir, I’ve found a map!” Whining Willy Wrongman, the first man, replied. His voice was wheezy and whiny, out of breath and quite annoying.

“What kind of map.” A sly voice said. Spam Sam Lewis’s nose twitched, his big teeth chattering. He hid under a baggy, furry gray coat, his round, red nose peeking out from the fringe of stringy, brown-gray hair. He straightened his purple bowtie as he walked into the light. He rat like face twitching in anticipatrion.

“Aye, what be on the map.” A craggy woman’s voice asked, he wooden leg thumping on the Flying Griddlecake’s deck. Her tight bandana covered most of her gray hair. She had a wrinkly, old face.

“It’s a tresure map!” Willy said excitedly, his whining voice reaching a higher pitch, his hat bobbing in the air as he jumped up and down.

“Arrrrr! A what?” Shiny boot-buckles glinted in the bright sun, the rest of the crew were temporarily blinded.

“A treasure map Bob, to Etarip Island!” Captain Calorie said excitedly to Boot-Buckle Bob. Bob was a tall, tall man, with a flowery, loose shirt and tioght leggings. His boot-buckles were his pride and joy. He polished them morning, noon and night.

“Mmmm...Treasure.” Spam Sam whispered. He rubbed his hands together, a sly smile playing on his lips.

“Ahoy maties and cast away!” Shouted Captain Calorie, as the wind blew his bushy brown beard. The sails of the Flying Griddlecake snapped in the wind proudly, the pearly white canvas collecting the gusts of the wind. The smooth, polished, dark wood glistined in the afternoon sun.

The pirates had decided to follow this map, towards treasure and fame. They were excited as could be, jumping arond the deck and singing their favorite pirate tune.

“Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A pirate’s life for me!
We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A pirate’s life for me!”

They sang in chorus, they actually sounded pretty good. Peg-Leg Meg kept time, thumping her wooden leg to the beat as the ship sailed for the horizon.

Suddenly a shout was heard from the crow’s, excuse me, rat’s nest.
“Land Ahoy!!!” Spam Sam Lewis squeeked in a ratty-like shreik. He quickly scurried down the ladder, nose twitching furiously. An island came into veiw and the crew were stunned. Oohs and Ahhs escaped the mouths of them all. The island was a mix of gold and emerald hues, the colors a sharp contrast to the saphire ocean around them.

“She’s a beaute!” Boot-Buckle Bob sighed. They all nodded.

“Treasure!” Whining Wily sighed deeply, a longing look on his face.

The five pirates sailed to the island a got off the Flying Griddlecake. The carving of Aunt Jemima on the front seemed to wait for their return as the headed into the jungle, in search of the fabled treasure.

They wandered around the island for hours, searching on the map for Rotaregirfer cave. They crashed through the bush, they passed streams and rivers, they crawled over hills and ascended mountains. Finally, their goal was in sight!

Rotaregirfer cave was huge, dark, and freezing! The cave was quiet, all that could be heard were ominous drips coming from down the tunnel. Suddenly, as they turned the corner, their eyes were filled with golden light!

“Arrr! There be the gold!” Captain Calorie said, rushing towards the huge pile of coins.
“Aye! There be the treasure!” Peg-Leg Meg said.
“I cannot believe it!” Boot-Buckle Bob yelled.
“Where will we put it all?” Whining Willy whined.
Spam Sam took an experimental bite.
“This isn’t gold...” He said, whiskers twitching. “It be chocolate!”
They all looked puzzled.
“Chocolate?” They said in unison.
“CHOCOLATE!!!” They shouted and dived on it, eating as much as they could. Chocolate was even better than gold, and there was enough of it that they could live here forever!

“Aye Aye! Captain! There be root beer here!” They found tubs, and tankards, and barrels, and jugs, all full to the brim with the most delicious root beer any of them tasted. They drank and ate and then fell asleep. They were twenty pounds heavier than before!

“Broccoli! Broccoli! Broccoli!
Broccoli! Broccoli! Broccoli!
Broccoli! Broccoli! Broccoli!”

They heard strange chanting all around them. The pirates were so sick they couldn’t move, so the unusual natives captured them easily. The pirates woke on the beach, a little child was there.

“Shiver me timbers! How did we get down here?” Boot-Buckle Bob shouted in a surprised tone. Spam Sam licked his lips, Peg-Leg Meg scowled, Captain Calorie scratched his bald head with a chubby hand, Whining Willy just, well, whined. Then the aboriginal child said:

“You must go to your home, as good as you may think the junk food is, it is not good for your tummies. If you stay here you will be sick forever. Go home, eat broccoli, exercise, and be healthy!”
The child disappeared into the jungle and the crew never saw him again.

They unfurled the ship’s sails and took the ship home, setting the stern to Etarip Island. They sailed home, ate their green vegetables, exercised, and were healthy! They never went back to Etarip Island, and never were sick from junk food again, but they kept on singing their favorite song.

“Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A pirate’s life for me!
We're rascals, scoundrels, villains, and knaves,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A pirate’s life for me!”

They sang as Peg-Leg Meg kept time, thumping her wooden leg on the deck.