I sit there and realize that I can't feel my legs. I readjust myself in the chair and stare blankly at the computer screen. My thoughts drift.

"I feel like I don't have any control over my life anymore," I IM to my friend.

"HUGS" my friend IMs back to me.

"How is that supposed to help me feel better?"

"I don't know. I can't even grasp the situation, let alone help you."

"Thanks. I'm confused, and things are just making it worse."

"What now?"

"He told me that he loves me more than anything in the world, but he's said that before, and it wasn't to me."

"He's an asshole. Don't listen to hiim. He is just desperate and want you back so badly that he will say or do anything to get you back. He is willing to take any risk in order for him not to feel the pian of loss anymore."

"But pain is a part of love and life, so he's just going to have to learn to deal with it."

"Tell him that."

And I did, but instead of responding, he put up another desparate away message, "I feel so bad, I wish I could just undo what I did. I love you more than ever and not having you is tearing me up inside."

That night, I heard a knock on my window. I stumble out of bead after the 50th knock and go to the door. When I look outside, I see him in tears, crouching below my window.

"Look, you can't just come to my house in the middle of the night. I need my sleep and so do you," I whispered to him.

"I couldn't sleep anyways. I need you right now. I can't go another night without you."

"Well, you're just going to have to, because I'm not going to change my decision."

"Please, I'm beggin you. Take me back. I need you."

He started weeping again and coiled up at my feet. I pulled him up and dragged him to my car. when I got to his house, he clung to my arm and would not let go, so I had to go into his house, wake up his family, and have them drag him off of me.

That night, he killed himself. But right before he did, he texted me and told me that he loved me so much and didn't want me to forget him. I was confused, but did not think of it as a suicide note, so went to sleep. He had jumped into the street in front of a moving car and his family had heard a thud. They called my cell and I rushed over there. His head was smashed in and his legs were disfigured. I stayed there by his side and when no one was looking, I kissed him sweetly once and left in peace.