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Gray
“True love unspoken is often the quickest route to a heavy heart.”
Anna Dela Cruz loved the summer days. Despite the heat and humidity around her, she was always at awe with the vibrant colors surrounding her—at the music filling her ears as she passed by people, stores and where ever. But most especially, she loved visiting her aunt (her father’s sister), Diane, a clairvoyant she’d known as a second mother since her real mother passed away 10 years ago. Diane was living in a retiring home. And it was already that time when Anna loved to visit.
She had come early one Saturday morning and ‘Auntie’ Diane was surprised and happy to se her there. They had talked for hours, swapping stories about experiences and realizations.
But there was another reason for Anna’s early Saturday visit. Auntie Diane had promised Anna just after her eleventh birthday that she would tell her at the eve of her eighteenth birthday what lay ahead of her in the future—particularly in love.
It was finally that time. And Anna was anxious to find out what would become of her.
“Auntie, do you remember that promise you told me when I was eleven?” she began, a mischievous look on her fair face. “You know, about the future?”
Auntie Diane gave her a knowing look and nodded. “Yes, I remember, little Anna,” the old woman replied, her lips curling into a small smile. She had already guessed that this was what the young lady was waiting to talk about.
Anna smiled back and moved closer to her ‘aunt’. “Well, it’s the eve of my eighteenth birthday… aren’t you supposed to tell me now?”
“My my, someone seems to be very excited about the future of her love life.” Auntie Diane looked at her with a mock glare. “Shouldn’t you be focusing on your studies first?”
The young lady laughed and nodded in agreement. “I know that Auntie… and I’ve been focusing on it for the last seventeen years. I think I deserve a break.”
“But learning does not have breaks.”
Anna rolled her eyes and chuckled again. “You know what I mean, Auntie. I’m entering my third year of college next June already… I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt if I find out about it now right? It would be something to look forward to.”
The frail woman sighed and shook her head. Then she gently placed a hand on the Anna’s face. “You’ve truly grown. I guess I still see you as a little girl.”
Anna’s eyes softened and she took the old woman’s hand in hers. “I’m not little anymore, Auntie, but I will always be you’re girl.” They looked at each other and smiled. The unspoken bond between them grew stronger than before.
Slowly, Auntie Diane held out Anna’s palm and studied it. Anna’s heart quickened, she knew that her ‘mother’ was already looking into her future. She had seen her work with other people… and it always started the same way. Auntie Diane would study the person’s palm for awhile, her expression either happy looking or sad looking depending on whatever she saw before telling her client their future. Many believed in her power… because her predictions always came true.
Anna had hoped that she would see a smile on her ‘mother’s’ face but there was none. Instead, the old woman’s face held a sad expression—a heartbreaking sight because Anna rarely saw her look sad.
“Auntie?”
Auntie Diane looked at Anna’s concerned face, surprised—as if she had just gone out of a trance. Then her face contorted into a melancholy smile and patted the girl’s cheek.
“My dear… you’re true love’s name is written in gray.”
Anna looked surprised. Auntie Diane never gave predictions this vague. Usually it would be informative, fruitful… but all she gave to her was the word gray. It wasn’t even a happy color. “What? Written in gray? What does that mean, Auntie?”
The old woman shook her head—as if to say it was not her authority to tell Anna what it meant. And in silence, they sat there… the prediction and gloom of Auntie Diane’s unspoken answer sinking in.
Anna looked up from what she was doing in surprise. In front of her, she found her close friend, Michael Antonio giving her a concerned look. He felt her forehead and brushed a few hairs away from her face.
“Are you okay? You don’t look so well,” he said, sitting down in one of the empty seats in front of her. Anna pasted a reassuring smile on her face and patted Michael’s hand on hers.
“I’m fine, Michael. Just tired… you know, with the finals coming up.” Anna tapped her open Zoology book for emphasis.
“Oh well, you’ll do well. You always have… don’t tire yourself out. You worry me.” Michael once again gave her a worried look and Anna felt her temper rising. She fought it back and told herself that Michael didn’t deserve anger—he was just worried about her and that was sweet of him.
“I’m serious, Michael. I’m fine.”
“Oh, okay then if you are, maybe after class we can eat somewhere. I’ll even treat you,” he offered, smiling slightly and at the same time avoiding her gaze. She returned his smile with one of her own.
Anna loved him for being so thoughtful but she didn’t need any thoughtfulness today.
“I’m sorry, Michael but I don’t think I can go out with you today. I have to finish this paper by Friday and I need all the free time I can get.”
Michael’s face fell and immediately, Anna felt bad for declining. She was lying—she didn’t need to pass it that Friday, she just wanted to be alone. She was about to say something when Michael stood up and smiled at her—the sadness on his face was gone.
“Okay. Get it done then and maybe after you’ll be free to go out with me.”
With that, he left. And Anna was left confused. She watched him walk away—barely noticing the sadness in his eyes as he did.
“Uh—what, I mean… why are you asking me?”
RJ smiled widely and propped his bag onto his shoulder. Anna inwardly swooned. He looked like he had just stepped out of a magazine cover. “Well, I’ve always found you interesting so I figured why don’t I just ask you out to get to know you better?”
“Uh… right.” Anna mentally kicked herself for being so stupid. She had not meant to reply in that fashion. But she also couldn’t think up of anything to say.
“So, is that a yes?”
It was harder to breathe now. “Um… okay.”
My… was her vocabulary now limited to two words?
RJ grinned and brushed her hair back the same way Michael did earlier that day. She felt her cheeks burn. Why was she thinking of Michael now?
“That’s great. I’ll meet you at the main gate later.” He kissed her chastely on the cheek and walked off, leaving a bewildered girl in the middle of the hallway.
Anna touched her cheek and once again felt warm. That was unexpected but it felt terribly nice. She had just accepted a date—from her crush no less. Anna was ecstatic.
“What about that big paper you were supposed to hand in on Friday? I thought you needed all the free time you can get?”
Anna’s joy immediately squelched as she turned to whom it was who spoke. Michael was in front of her—arms crossed and his brown eyes dim with sadness and… what was it? Hurt? She couldn’t tell.
“Yeah about that… I’m sorry. I was surprised when he asked so I just said yes without thinking,” she tried explaining. Michael rolled his eyes and bit back whatever he was about to say. Instead he looked away from her and sighed.
“You should’ve just told me you didn’t want to go. I would’ve appreciated the honesty.”
He left without another word. Anna’s heart suddenly felt heavy. There were hurt and unspoken words hanging in the air…
That was the last time she ever saw him.
Outside, Anna played the blushing bride-to-be perfectly. She gushed and talked to her friends about the engagement as if nothing was better than this. But inside, she was sick of it all. She couldn’t tell anyone–how RJ’s kisses never ignited any other emotion inside of her. She loved him… yes, that was true. But not as she expected a woman should love her fiancée… it was lighter than that.
When the day of her wedding (which was incidentally on her birthday as well) came—all of her doubts and hurting finally made sense when a friend came to her right after the reception; a look of sorrow in her eyes and a white envelope in her hand.
Anna took it tentatively and there she felt her knees grow weak and breathing hollow. With a frantic excuse to her husband, she ran and drove towards her destination; her face and hands white with fear, disbelief and… sorrow.
In the setting sun, she ran over green grass towards a monumental tree, stopping and dropping to her knees—wedding dress and all. With a choked sob, she burst into tears as she read what was written in front of her.
In loving memory of
Michael Antonio
1982 – 2006
Anna understood now—why she felt hollow and cold from RJ’s kisses; why she felt her heart grow heavy the moment Michael turned away… Auntie Diane was right… all those years ago:
Her true love’s name was written in gray. And she had lost him forever.
A little angst before finishing the 15th chapter of Trouble. :D -Author