I wish I could just turn away.
Close my eyes, not see you looking, not at me.
Block my ears, not hear you laughing, not with me.
Block my nose, so I can’t smell you.
Rain on concrete, and newly cut grass.

You’ve ruined me.
I can’t walk through a storm without thinking;
Thinking of you, of us.
Of what I missed, and what you saw.
All the while the scent lifts up to my nostrils,
And I can’t turn away.

Just let me be.
I keep spinning, but I see no way out.
You don’t even know it’s me,
And this secret cuts to the core,
The words won’t let themselves spill out on top of you,
I become the keeper of the keys;
Always to hold this in,
Never to let it out.
Can I obey my orders to only look and never touch?
Can you?