I Wasn't There for You

I mentally groaned when I heard the familiar sound of my alarm clock going off. My eyes slowly open and I squint at the calendar on my wall. Letting out a deep sigh I forced myself to get up out of bed and throw on some clothes for the first day of school. I hate Mondays. The walk to school wasn't much different from any other day, but it's getting closer to winter because the wind began to gently nipping at the sleeves of my jacket sending goose bumps up and down my arms.

After getting to school I went to go put my books in my locker and hovered around for no particular reason. My hazel eyes searched the crowded hallways and found two familiar brown ones. Our eyes only met for a second, but there was a powerful jolt I felt in out brief connection. A guy I didn't recognize called her name from the opposite end of the hall; turning away from me, I lost her in the sea of moving bodies. The tardy bell rang as I continued my slow pace down the halls. I can ditch 3rd today, it's not like anyone is gonna miss me. Arriving at my favorite place to hide out in school, I pulled open the door and then locked it behind me, becoming engulfed in darkness.

I like to be alone when I think, when I'm alone then there's nothing that can interrupt my thoughts. I sit in a dusty corner and dive into my thoughts of the past, digging up old memories of how Eli and I used to be. I revel bringing up old and painful memories, it may seem sick and twisted, but it made me happy. I liked being in pain, it brought me back down to earth in a way that nothing else could.

flashback to kindergarten

“Hi, I'm Eliyah, they call me Eli though.” a shy little girl stammered “Do you maybe..umm..want to play with me?” blushing with embarrassment she glanced up at me, meeting my eyes for a second.

“Sure. My name is Analiese, but everyone calls me Ana.” I smiled “Tag! You're it!” I giggled and ran away, I heard Eli's foot steps quickly following me when I tripped. Hitting the ground pretty hard I started bawling, looking at my scraped bleeding palms Eli caught up with me and knelt down to see if I was okay.

“Ana! Are you okay?” she offered me her hand for help to stand up. Placing my small hand in hers I sniffed loudly and nodded. “It's okay we'll go play something else. How does that sound Ana?” my eyes immediately begun to sparkle with excitement as I grabbed her hand and ran towards the playground.

Shaking my head back into reality I let out a sad smile at all the memories racing through my head. There were times before now, times before makeup, boys, and times before the expectations of belonging to a “clique”. There were times when none of that mattered because we needed nothing but the deep friendship we already possessed. Times when we could throw our sorrows out the window and find ways to laugh again. We had times where we acted more girlish, gossiping about things in the middle of the night during our many sleepovers together. Times weren't always happy though, some times were hard, filled with sadness and loss. In those moments is when we relied on each other the most. Comfort, love, gentleness, kindness, appreciation, friendship, and acceptance all wrapped up into one is what I found in Eli's arms, eyes, and her heart. Those times, are all in the past.

It's almost funny, how when you're only 6 or 7 years old, your mind is so pure. There isn't hate that can leave a scarring grudge, there isn't sadness past falling down, and there isn't any boundaries. When filled with such innocence, someone you meet in an instant, can be your best friend. Even if you've only known them a day or two, you can spill your life's secrets to them because at such a young age, you trust everything around you. Why wouldn't you have a reason to? The world belongs to you and nothing can hurt you because your best friend will always be right by your side, just like they promised.

Leaning against the wall with my back I reach into my pocket to get my phone to check the time. It's 10:15, so 3rd period will be over in about 10 minutes which means I should probably get out of here soon. Unlocking the door, I silently slipped out of the closet and made my way down the hall towards the back of the school. Mat is usually waiting out here for me by now under the tree, but I guess he must still be at home, pulling out my cell phone again I dial Mat's number. Huh, I got his voice message? Oh well, hanging up the phone, I decided to wander around the trees.

Taking a sharp breath in, I started relaxing in the sea of trees, aimlessly wandering I tripped over a root, colliding with a gigantic tree. It's the most beautifully powerful aura I've ever seen, almost as just being here I left my problems behind. Climbing the branches, I'm on top of the world and above anything that can hurt me now. Being so engrossed I hadn't even noticed that someone had walked into my little sanctuary.

Hearing crunching leaves I instantly whirl around to see what was walking up behind me. When I saw, I froze.