"Uncle's Home Of Goods: Spinner Edition. Huh... This store looks gay." My hands in my pockets, I carefully slipped in with my mother and Ran to locate awesome school supplies so that I could do essays and shit.

"Tarquin, this place is red."

"Very good Ran." my mother intercepted.

"No, I mean red like the blood of a thousand crying souls." She was always just a little bit morbid. It was kind of a downer.

I picked up like 4 notebooks, a bunch of pens and a brick.

"This will be my muse."

"It's a brick."

"It's a muse."

My mom fell and started crying. Her icy heart shattered against the floor where she fell.

"I can't do it the way I used to. Children, help me up." Tears ran down her cheeks like marathon runners that left parts of themselves all over the track.

Limping into the one armed cashier, we threw our shit all over the goddamn sales desk and the lady span a huge light covered wheel. It was brighter than the Sun times four, and had at least a thousand lights on it, each the size of a very small basketball. Berberberber, ber, ber, ber, ber... ber... ber... berrr... It stopped.

"Woohoo, you fools get 100 off!" The cashiers freckles fit in with the red motif against the walls and I was like

"Fuck off handicap." She stuck the area an arm once was inside of a huge bag and silently wept for the days when she could clap.

Something felt wrong though. How the shit did they pay for this big fucking store if they had all those lights, wheels, sales and crap? The store smelt faintly of barbeque.

"Mom, did that store seem weird to you?"

"Yeah, that was super cheap."

"No, I mean like, super weird."

"I think it was just regular type." A red maple leaf fell by my feet. I bent over to pick it up and this douchebag kicked me in the ass, so I cut him in half with my elbow.

"Don't do that shit, idiot." Ran grabbed me by the same arm, and I picked her up and held her above my head.

"Oh Tarquin, you're pretty strong."

"And you're just pretty."

"Thanks Tarquin." She blushed.

"PRETTY HEAVY." I dropped her on a dog.

Late that night Denny and I gathered out front the twenty four hour supercenter and I was all

"Denny, go inside through the left. I'll also go left. Let's not split up." and he was like

"Right." and I was like

"Yeah."

Splitting up, I took the left entrance and carefully walked by the same cashier from earlier in the day, making sure to tell her I could beat her ass at shadow puppets and hand stands. She slipped on an icy patch in the middle of the floor and fell through.

"DENNY GOD! GET OVER HERE HOLY FUCK!"

"NO SWEARING IN THE STORE!" A beating country voice eminated from the red blended speaker.

"That's a loud speaker."

"NO IT ISN'T!" Denny and I got in a big fight about it before jumping down the hole.

I landed safely, but Denny hit his foot on a big chunk of floor and fell over, banging his face off a fridge.

"OH GOD!"

There, in front of us, were hundreds of children shoveling and pumping super inexpensive coal, powering the large wheels which told us our price, making us hate life, killing our spirits with the machine. THAT MACHINE.

"GO FASTER!" A large lizard skinned man appeared in front of us, directing his attention away from the slaves, and he pulled down his sunglasses.

"Hey boys, it's hard to see in here with these on."

"Then why wear them?"

"Can't you see how hot these fucking coal ovens are? I have to keep cool."

I tore off the amputees clothing, revealing her tiny breasts. Using them as a flag, I screamed

"LIBERATION!" and Denny was like

"YEAH!" and they all began to run around hitting each other like dumbasses. The other slave drivers were all

"NOOOOOOO!" and one of them started whipping this kid and the kid was like

"AHHHHH!" and I was like

"AHHHHH!" and the lizard guy grabbed my hamstring and I was like

"AHHHHH!" and he was like

"I LOVE YOUR HAMSTRING!" and I punched him in the face. Chunks of skull burst outwards and away from where they were supposed to be, his eyes blasting out and towards me, and then a splatter noise. I unleashed my full energy, destroying the entire store above me, killing everyone in it except this one guy.

"There. A clean battleground. Run along children." They all limped as they ran, their asses in pain from the butt whippings.

"Damn you fools." I began to cry tears of blessed crap and with all my energy, I punched so hard that the wind tore off all their skin. Denny tried to help, but instead he got caught in the wind and flew away and landed in this other guys house who didn't have insurance and broke the wall and shit. He mostly cries these days.

I grabbed the amputee and held her to my face and I said
"Why... Are the walls red?"

"The blood of a thousand crying souls."

"Damn it, Ran is pretty good." I moved my head towards the night sky.

"Outer space, grant me the power to defeat this evil." I tossed the amputee into the atmosphere.

"TARQUIN YOU ARE GAY!" How she knew my name will forever be a mystery.

The next day I told Ran that her hunch was correct and she was like

"Yeah... I know." and all the kids had moved into her house. She was upset.

Reporting to base, my boss rewarded Denny and I in cuddles and touches.