Only One

He was Caitlyn’s best friend for 17 years, secret object of affection for 10 and now, at the ripe old age of 24, he was going off to get married and (unbeknownst to him) crushing her already broken heart into a billion miniscule pieces.

Broken this fragile thing now

And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces

And I've thrown my words all around

But I can't, I can't give you a reason

So many times she almost told him. Those three simple words on the tip of her tongue. So simple but they meant so much. It wasn’t like he loved her back. It wasn’t one of those situations when every one else could see how madly in love he was with her and all it needed was an amorous confession on her part for wedding bells to ring.

But wedding bells were ringing, just not for her. They were ringing for another close friend of his. That friend had the balls and brains to, when she ran into him one fateful day at college, admit that she loved him from the day she met him. Three weeks later, he’d proposed. Caitlyn wanted to tell him that she loved him. But what would be the point? He had already proposed to the other girl. It would be silly of her to do that. Her time had come and gone.

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you

You are my only, my only one

He’d invited her to the wedding. She was to be his best woman (because giving him away would be overdoing it). Did he know how much it would hurt her? Probably not. He would probably have her be his child’s Godmother. Now that would kill her. Having to look at their happy family knowing that if she had spoken up, that could have been her life. Having to know that beautiful little girl could have nursed from her breast if she wasn’t such a coward. It would be a continuous cycle of pain and heartbreak. Better to avoid it now while she could. Four more months till the wedding. Four months? That would be more than enough time to relocate. Move far, far away, where she wouldn’t have a bittersweet reminder of unrequited love. Yes. Her parents had always wanted her out of that town. They’d even gotten her a cute little flat in New York. But she’d stayed. No, it wasn’t sour grapes, it was self-preservation. Better to leave with those miniscule pieces than to live the remains crushed to powder. She didn’t even blame him, or the girl for that matter; it was her fault she had missed the last bus on the one-way trip to happiness.

four months later

Caitlyn was at the wedding, dressed to the nines in a beautiful lilac A-line dress with dark purple accessories. She had decided that since it should be the last day she would see him, she would at least look good. Let him remember her as beautiful and as graceful as a swan. She would make the best jokes and smile the best smile. Her aim: to out shine the bride. After all, she got the best prize of all, in the end. Every thing was in place. Her transport, the last of her belongs and most of all her letter.

She had decided to write him a letter explaining her feelings for him why she was going. It was a relatively short letter.

Here I go so dishonestly

Leave a note for you my only one

And I know you can see right through me

So let me go and you will find someone

God, she was going to miss him. His laugh, his voice, his smell, his presence on the whole. She didn’t know what she was going to do without him. He had guided her through the tough times and kept her strong. He really was her best friend. There he was over there. I should get up and go talk to him. She thought. But he was making his way over to her already. “Hey,” she said softly.

“Hay is for horses!” he replied jovially.

“I have some thing for you!” she said flirtatiously, handing him the letter. “Do not open it until after your honeymoon.” She continued grinning.

“Yes Ma’am!” he replied, mock saluting.

“Good boy. I’ll see you then,” Caitlyn said heading off to the restrooms. He rolled his eyes and went to greet some more guests. Later that day, at the airport, he thought he saw some one like Caitlyn walking around but he brushed it aside. Why would she be in the airport? The letter she had given him was in his underwear draw at home so it would be the first thing he saw.

Two weeks later, after he came back, he tried calling Caitlyn, but she wasn’t answering. Apparently she had moved, but she didn’t tell anyone where. He rushed home and tore open the letter.

My dearest Peter,

What a formal greeting. I guess you are wondering what possessed me to write you this letter. I think it is time for you to know what was going on in my heart of hearts. For the past ten years I have loved you. What about the other seven? You ask. Those seven don’t count because it wasn’t that kind of love. I’ve loved you since you gave me your ice cream when mine fell. (Before that, it was just a crush). I can even see you pretty little mouth forming into an “oh” of understanding at my words. Why now? You ask. It’s my honeymoon. Don’t you think it’s a little too late for confessions of love? I chose the end of your honeymoon because it would be wrong to tell you right after your wedding that I was in love with you and I was moving to New York. Oh, by the way, by the time you read this I would have already moved. Why move? You wonder. I thought you said you loved me? Well I do love you, and that’s why I must. To go on living right beside you while you raise the family that could have been mine would have been to much for my fragile heart. Maybe we’ll meet again. Or even be friends if my heart heals enough. But right now, I just want you to lead a happy life. This hurts me more than it hurts you. You have a loving wife to be there for you. I have a gapping hole where you were. I love you and goodbye.

Caitlyn.

Then, right there, Peter held his head in his hands and wept. He wept for an opportunity for true love lost, as well as a friend. He wept because he two was afraid to leap, afraid to say I love you. Now she was gone and two hearts were broken.

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you

You are my only, my only one

My only one

My only one

My only one

You are my only, my only one